My Brother-In-Law Golfed in Malawi Yesterday, and You Thought Your Local Course Was a Dog Track
My brother-in-law, Dan, is less of a world traveler and more of an explorer. Whereas you or I might go on vacation to London, he lives there, and vacations and spends other assorted spare time traveling to far-flung places and singlehandedly upping CB’s Google Analytics country count (he was the one visit from Myanmar earlier this year). But he’s only one of three visitors in 2015 from Malawi, which is where he’s spending the first week of this fine October. Malawi. Here’s all you need to know about Malawi, from Wikipedia:
Malawi is among the world’s least-developed countries. The economy is heavily based in agriculture, with a largely rural population. The Malawian government depends heavily on outside aid to meet development needs, although this need (and the aid offered) has decreased since 2000. The Malawian government faces challenges in building and expanding the economy, improving education, health care, environmental protection, and becoming financially independent. Malawi has several programs developed since 2005 that focus on these issues, and the country’s outlook appears to be improving, with improvements in economic growth, education and healthcare seen in 2007 and 2008.
Malawi has a low life expectancy and high infant mortality. There is a high prevalence of HIV/AIDS, which is a drain on the labour force and government expenditures. There is a diverse population of native peoples, Asians and Europeans, with several languages spoken and an array of religious beliefs. Although there was periodic regional conflict fuelled in part by ethnic divisions in the past, by 2008 it had diminished considerably and the concept of a Malawian nationality had re-emerged.
What to do in Malawi, besides not touch anything and pray for bottled water? Dan golfed, and somehow found decent enough 3G coverage to send photos and this missive, through iMessage, of course. His words and pictures:
Roll up to the ‘country club’ and they look at me strange wondering what I want. Nobody seemed to know the cost and there wasn’t exactly a clubhouse for someone to help me out. Eventually sorted it out for 1,500 kwacha temporary membership fee, 600 Kwacha greens fee, 1500 for clubs/balls/tees and then I would find caddies. Had 4 different people offering to caddy immediately and they would find me golf clubs to borrow/use along with whatever few golf balls and tees they had. I Picked a guy that seemed to have himself most together in general and the least shitty set of clubs and so I was off with him and another dude as a second caddy, along with my driver, fairway wood, 4, 6, 8, 9, PW and putter.
Had only three balls and two tees for the nine hole course. There was no such thing as a fairway or rough. It was basically all rocky brush and dirt with patches of grass. So, aiming for the middle was fine except the fairways were basically shared by people coming down the course in the opposite direction on another hole, so there was that to be mindful of, with there being 2 other groups of people playing, shockingly. But you also had to watch out for the locals using the golf course as their shortcut across town. Luckily my caddy would get them to stop for a moment as I swung away.
First challenge was digging a tee into the rock hard ground of the tee box. It hasn’t rained here since basically March so that want easy at all, even though it looks like they water the area down for that purpose. First shot was a clear drive down the middle but it ricocheted like a pinball and rolled for forever in any damn direction it wanted to. That’s when having two caddies was great because they spotted these balls with their eagle eyes and I didn’t have to look for anything as the ball would sometimes get lost in the leaves all over the course.
So I get to the ball and the caddy feels like the lie wasn’t great since the entire course was a big divot so he proceeded to pick up the ball and place it on a little patch sticking up, without me even asking or anything. That became commonplace. Eventually I make it on to the ‘green’. The green is actually a flat patch of cement covered with a thin layer of sand/silt/dirt. The reason I had two caddies is so the one could go way ahead and spot balls, since they didn’t want to lose any since they can’t exactly go buy new ones in town, nor do they have the money to. But the main reason for caddy 2 was to run ahead to the ‘brown’ and smoothe it out with this mat thing and also put the flag in the hole. They didn’t leave flags in the holes on the course since people would likely steal them for the metal. So he carried around a flag and pole the entire round.
Putting was a joke as you had no idea if the sand was thick or thin and sometimes it would just die immediately so you’d have to crush it. Other times it would just roll for forever.
So the entire experience was much like that. The course didn’t always look terrible as it was, as the late afternoon lighting was nice and also had the backdrop of the mountain, but it was definitely shitty terrain, with rubbish scattered in spots. There were rocks of every size and tracks from vehicles just going straight through the middle of the course. Had to worry about hitting locals walking through but also guys that happened to be sitting under trees just to pass the time. Nearly drilled a guy napping under a tree. There was also another local bathing in the stream that ran through one of the holes. No big deal. [Editor’s note: They offer this feature at Karakung, as well.]
So when I lost a ball, the two caddies would go and search through the woods for the ball and you bet they found it each time. I never had to look where my shots went and it was fantastic. Because of their prowess, the chances of ever finding an errant ball that someone lost is basically nil, since other caddies would’ve picked them up. One of the highlights was probably when I asked if I could get a bottle of water and my one caddy just dead sprinted to the local corner shop to buy me a bottle of water. I basically didn’t have to do anything and I’m sure I could’ve gotten a third caddy to simply carry me around the course. I even had dirt on my shoe so the caddy found a discarded t-shirt in the middle of the course, (which you know must be in REALLY Bad shape if someone in Africa is throwing away clothing) and he wiped my shoes clean with this shirt. I was like a king and they acted like they cared that I made a good shot.
So in the end I tipped the caddies 1,500 kwacha each, which was probably generous. That’s about $2.75 each. The entire round cost $12. The surroundings, the horrific surface, the greens, the caddies, locals strolling through or sleeping on the course, all of it made it just ridiculous, but it was perhaps my favorite round of golf ever. Certainly a memorable one.
