In the darkest times of Phillies fandom, we were always able to hold onto one thing: At least we’re not the Mets. Last year’s World Series run put a wet willie in the ear of that concept. But with a new season comes new life and new chances to schadenfreude our way through the spring and summer.

Matt Harvey, about whom Mets fans love to freak out every single chance they get, could miss his Opening Day start due to a mysterious medical issue. According to Adam Rubin, Mets GM Sandy Alderson said Harvey’s issue is “not related to an elbow or shoulder or anything else orthopedic,” and he “reported the issue to Mets personnel early Monday after a symptom unexpectedly arose.”

Naturally, my very first thought whenever situations like this arise? Weird sex disease.

Alderson told the media: “It’s a non-baseball medical issue that we have to address. It came up this morning as far as I know. There will be some follow-up tests and consultation that will take place over the next couple of days.”

That leaves the door open for a shakeup in the Mets’ rotation (and also for fun speculation). Jacob DeGrom is currently set as the starter for the home opener. The same DeGrom who has been plagued by velocity issues all spring (we’re familiar with that one). Us Phils fans don’t have a lot going for us this season, but I’ll happily take an old-school Mets run:

Ladies and gentlemen, the Mets: America’s STD.