At today’s Phillies home opener, two of the ceremonial first pitches were thrown out by Ryan Arcidiacono and Daniel Ochefu, they of Villanova’s National Championship team. The other was thrown out by the Philly cop who was wounded by a shooter claiming to be acting in the name of ISIS. He threw the pitch and then proposed to his girlfriend. You can’t really top that. Thankfully, Nova didn’t try. They simply lofted a couple of balls to Chooch and Larry Bowa while giving a nice, big wave to the crowd and then rejoining their team and coach up in some meh seats.

Kyle: Hey, where’s that jackass Rob Parent to complain about this?