Sometimes you just have to tip your cap, or drop your jaw on the floor. Because that’s what I did when, just after Matt Stairs warned that Hector Neris is borderline unhittable unless he hangs one of his incredible splitters (I’m telling you– Stairs knows his shit!), Neris hung one of his incredible splitters and Giancarlo Stanton hit it real far. 475 feet far. Past the Marlins’ fish-vajazzled vagina structure far.

I’ll let my Dad, who was disproportionality impressed and excited about the home run, explain it… as I sent half-coherent responses with Siri from my watch:

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I’m seriously the worst person to text with.