Eagles, Olympics, Phillies.

Let’s hit it!

 

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The roundup:

RIO DAY 9:

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Good evening from Rio, where armed Brazilian gangbangers did what everyone else in the world has been wanting to do for a full week now– put a gun to that horrible silver hair on Ryan Lochte’s head. Let’s head directly to the track, where Tom Hammond and others whose names I’ll learn by the end of the week have all the action for you. Tom?

Usain Bolt is in action tonight and blows away the field the 100m semifinal, spawning a certain meme:

Next we we find one of the most touching moments of the Olympics. South African runner Wayde van Niekerk takes the Gold Medal in the 400m as his 74-year-old trainer and great grandmother, whom we’ll call Manya, looks on:

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After the race, Manya tells other supporters of the time she had a pony:

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Yes, Manya, we know. He was a beautiful pony and you loved him.

Back to Bolt. Unlike swimming, track and field holds their finals shortly after the semifinals. Bolt will be up against his American foe Justin Gatlin, who has a chance in much the same way a gnat has a chance in a wind tunnel. Sure, he may start out just fine, but once they turn on the jets he’ll be completely blown away. Indeed, Bolt smoked Gatlin and something something prerequisite celebration:

It’s at this moment that I’ll point out how incredible it has been to watch Michael Phelps, Usain Bolt and Kerri Walsh Jennings these last three Olympics. Since 2008, each has dominated in their respective field. In prime time coverage, Phelps gives way to Walsh Jennings, who gives way to Bolt, who gives way to Walsh Jennings and so on. They never disappoint. None of them disappoint. It has been a pleasure to watch.

The New York Times unveils an awesome tool that allows you to test your reaction time against Usain Bolt’s when he hears the starting gun. He reacts in .165 seconds. The best I can do is .170. I figured getting down in a stance would help:

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No improvement. It turns out I just looked like an asshole.

NBC moves us along to taped men’s gymnastics events. Can there be a bigger contrast in coolness between Bolt and his celebration and antics, and the dweebs doing gymnastics? I mean:

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It’s at this point that I realize my family is in full-fledged gymnastics hate mode. Here comes 41-year-old Uzbekistanian gymnast Oksana Chusovitina, who attempts the hardest vault of the day, and how did that go?

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My mom is doubled over in laughter– she takes pure delight in the tumble. By the time NBC shows Chinese swimmers who got engaged, my family is in hysterics and we’ve decided that judging by her reaction she’s been active on Tinder in the last 24 hours:

We’ll conclude our night with live women’s beach volleyball, which my dad is beyond excited for as Kerri Walsh Jennings’ bikini inches ever closer to thongdom. He puts on a pot of tea and grabs some chocolate. I wonder where he’s going with this.

The US women dominate, with Walsh Jennings pulling off a truly incredible under-the-net save and then following up with a stuff. WHAT IS THIS SORCERY:

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At the volleyball event, we get our mandatory AND SYNERGISTIC Leslie Jones shot (it’s ironic how NBC invited her to the Games for doing the very thing they ban others from doing– tweeting video of her TV) as well as a shot of the drunken basketball team, which chooses Kevin Durant as their DT (designated talker) in an interview with Kathryn Tappen, who isn’t used to covering men this large:

https://twitter.com/lukewinn/status/765027112084500481

Finally, we get the Bob Costas interview with Michael Phelps we been waiting for. Nothing to see here and Phelps swears that he won’t be back in for years. Yeah, right.

 

Getting Worms:

Jim Schwartz plans to rotate his front-line defenders. Philly.com:

The Eagles’ new defensive coordinator plans to regularly rotate as many as eight players up front, with no one staying on the field for more than four to six snaps at a time. “I’m excited about this group,” Barwin said, “whatever eight of us end up playing together. I haven’t played in a front like this where we’re going to rotate like this. That’s exciting for me to think about. In my career, I’ve averaged 80-90 percent of the snaps on defense. So I’m kind of excited about this. Play four to six plays, get a breather, go play four to six more plays.”

And he’s giving his defenders a little bit of freedom. Philly Voice:

Fletcher Cox lined up in a two-point stance (standing up) on the edge a few times today. There was also an interesting moment during Jim Schwartz’s press conference today. A reporter noted that undrafted rookie Aziz Shittu said that defensive tackles have the liberty to call stunts on their own, and asked Schwartz about it. “Well, he shouldn’t be talking about stuff like that,” said Schwartz. “I’d rather not comment on scheme stuff and stuff like that. There are a lot of different things they are asked to do within schemes, and I think I’ll just leave it at that. He’s a rookie. [He] probably doesn’t understand those guidelines. There are a lot of opponents that are reading you guys.”

Lane Johnson’s suspension means more reps for two guys. Philly.com:

Even though Barbre is more comfortable at left guard, coach Doug Pederson’s plan to overcome Johnson’s loss included moving Barbre to Johnson’s spot and inserting third-round pick Isaac Seumalo at left guard. That was the lineup Sunday night at practice for the second consecutive day. The Eagles could explore other internal options and they have two open roster spots if they want to add a veteran, but Barbre at right tackle and Seumalo at left guard appears to be the initial plan. “I think it would behoove me to have a plan,” Pederson said. “Again, it just goes back to giving these guys an opportunity to get them on tape, to make the corrections now so that down the road we’re prepared for it.”

And the Eagles are possibly looking elsewhere for help. PhillyMag:

the Eagles reached out to former Giants offensive lineman Will Beatty, according to Newsday’s Tom Rock. Rock added that Beatty, who has not yet worked out for the Eagles, has a contract offer from the Jaguars. The left tackle, who was cut in February, is reportedly willing to play other positions. The Eagles would presumably sign Beatty to play right tackle, although it’s possible they’d consider moving him to left tackle if Jason Peters misses significant time this year. Beatty sat out of the entire 2015 season with a torn pectoral and shoulder injury. Before that, the 31-year-old played in all 16 games in the three previous seasons.

Carson Wentz is in pain. Philly.com:

Wentz watched practice at Lincoln Financial Field in his red No. 11 jersey and shorts, but without the pads like the rest of the Eagles players. He stood with the quarterbacks and observed all the drills and throws. “It hurts pretty good,” Wentz said. “It hurts pretty much everything I do, but it’ll be all right.” Wentz said this is the first time he’s had a rib injury. He described the feeling as “weird” and “sore” after he was hurt, but he didn’t know how to react. He tried to practice on Saturday but he “didn’t realize how bad it hurt.” An X-ray and CT scan revealed the fracture.

But he wants to play. PhillyMag:

“The goal is hopefully still in preseason, I’ll be ready to go, but you never know with these things, so we’ll have to see,” Wentz said. “I really hope (I’ll be back for the last preseason game). Heck, I would love to play tomorrow. That’s kind of how I am. We’ll have to wait and see and see what the doctors recommend.” According to Wentz, his contact will be limited for “a little bit,” but his ability to practice is entirely dependent on his pain tolerance. However, he’ll have to be cleared by doctors for live contact and game situations.

Wentz’s injury begs questions of the Eagles’ QB strategy. Philly.com:

A lot of wise men have said a lot of words about the dangers of attempting to serve two masters. One might even suggest Wentz’s injury itself as an example. Sure, it’s a tenuous example, but it’s worth asking: Is it really an optimal situation for a developmental quarterback to be playing behind a third-team offensive line against a third-team defense full of players fighting for their livelihoods and their coaches’ attention? Judging by how many hits Chase Daniel took, playing with the second-teamers might not have made a difference. That said, you don’t buy a Bentley and park it on the curb so you can keep the Corolla in the garage, even if you take the Corolla to work every day. That’s not to say the Eagles are at fault for Wentz’s injury. Tackle football is a physical sport. Players get hit. Sometimes they get hurt. There doesn’t always have to be a culprit. Pederson played things pretty much by the preseason book on Thursday, at least within the framework he and the front office built for itself this offseason.

 

Some things never change:

 

This is how you celebrate:

 

Losers on social media are making Gabby Douglas cry.

 

Better idea: Let’s just make Goaltender Solo cry for continuing to embarrass herself and her country.

 

Does this concern anyone else?

 

Apparently it’s $100 to park at Rams games:

 

I have no idea what this means but I assume it’s notable:

 

NBC producer explains how they had the swimming event to the bottom of the screen so viewers knew what they were watching– huge addition that improved swimming coverage in the middle of last week:

 

This is huge news:

It seems Twitter and Apple are doing an end-around, bringing Twitter’s NFL games to TVs. This goes from gimmick feature to major streaming player instantly. We’ll have more on this later.

 

This was easily the best part of the Phillies’ Alumni Weekend:

 

Just squeaking out Howard booking it from first to home:

https://twitter.com/tagjim/status/765026307990171649

 

I understand he’s a main draw, and the kids especially love him, but maybe when it’s 100 degrees outside and humid, the Phanatic can have the day off:

 

The Wolf Pack returned:

 

The Phillies’ season in a nutshell:

 

But in a season whose end results don’t matter, it’s amazing that the Phils are only 6.5 games out of a PLAYOFF SPOT.

 

Bob Brookover thinks it’s time the Phils place Pete Rose on the Wall of Fame:

He was only with the Phillies for a half decade near the end of a career that already had Hall of Fame credentials when he arrived, but Rose still put up numbers that merited a place on the Philadelphia Wall of Fame. He did not miss a game in his first four seasons, batting .300 with a .375 on-base percentage and 338 runs scored in that span.

But the Rose story went so far beyond the numbers. The Phillies reached two World Series before Rose’s arrival and went to two more in his five seasons.

 

Mickey Moniak bought a goddamn Maserati:

https://www.instagram.com/p/BJGNxLDBt4b/?taken-by=mickeymoniak

 

Podcast:

Crossing Streams with John Gonzalez:

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The Stepover Episode 4 on the block:

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