Uber Driver Ed, on his very funny YouTube channel, posted a video of conversations with Eagles fans (who gave their consent to be filmed). A lot of deep, probing insight here, but I’d like to rank the top 5 characters in this noir flick:

1)

This guy doesn’t say much, presumably because he’s too engrossed in the bottle of Corona he brought along for the ride, but he took off work for the parade next week, and if he doesn’t have a future as a director of sales for a meat-packing company serving high-end clients in Philly, D.C., and New York, I’d be shocked. SHOCKED, I tell you.

2)

I see great things in your future, my friend. Greeeeeeeeeat things! Two of them, in fact. They are right before you. Look beyond my crystal ball and you shall seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee them.

3)

This Uber driver is so much cuter than my date, I think I’ll sit up front.

4)

This girl is woke AF! She is so dialed in to the Patriots’ cheating ways that I now fear for how they’re going to skirt the rules in this game. Someone, or something, has spoken to her, and it knows the truth.

5)

There’s a greased pole with his name on it.