The Ringer published an article on Wednesday called “Offseason Fantasy Island,” a collection of some theoretical NBA offseason trades and free agent signings.

There’s some Sixers-related stuff in there, including this entry from Jason Concepcion:

“The Sixers Trade Markelle Fultz and Dario Saric to the Bucks for Delly and a 2018 First-Round Pick”

Hmmm… what?

Lemme read that again:

“The Sixers Trade Markelle Fultz and Dario Saric to the Bucks for Delly and a 2018 First-Round Pick”

Alright then, I’ll continue reading. I’m not big on doing theoretical offseason moves, which inherently include some elements of nonsense, but I guess it can be fun to play the “what if” game and just sort of piss around with different scenarios.

I read the description from the article three times in a row and I’m 99.9% sure this is satire. If not, God have mercy on his soul:

“Draft picks are the cheapest way to improve. But drafting is hard; it’s an inexact science and dependent on incomplete data and the vagaries of youth. You just never know. Sometimes the 15th player selected becomes an MVP-level world eater. Sometimes the no. 1 pick attempts to rework his jump shot for no apparent reason then suffers an alleged crisis of confidence that results in a possibly nonexistent injury. Stuff happens. Which is why—as Danny Ainge, Sam Hinkie (Rest in Process), and Sam Presti when he was good showed us—it behooves a team to get as many bites at that draft apple as possible.

Which brings us to Mr. Fultz. Could he be a starting-level NBA contributor? Maybe. He has shown flashes in the [squints] 17 total games, including playoffs, that he’s appeared in when he hasn’t looked absolutely terrified to shoot the ball. The Sixers already have Ben Simmons, who shoots like he [extremely Kevin O’Connor voice] shoots with the wrong hand. Philly needs players who can create space and offense for themselves. A Markelle-Ben pick-and-roll would look like two electrons orbiting a nucleus. So, let’s hit the reset button.

Philly foists Fultz on the Bucks, who get last year’s top pick and his beguiling potential. Mike Budenholzer, Milwaukee’s new shot-caller, had success transforming underwhelming assets (HELLO, Tim Hardaway Jr.!) into actual contributors. If he can do the same with Fultz, the Bucks have a shot of going up a level in the Eastern Conference rat race. The Sixers have to part with Process Member Dario Saric. But they also get Milwaukee’s 2018 first-rounder (no. 17)—which will need to be swapped after the draft per the Stepien Rule, as Phoenix now owns the rights to the Bucks’ protected 2019 first—to go along their no. 10 pick. Philly also takes Matthew Dellavedova’s contract and thirst to injure.

Guys, Bryan Colangelo with two first-round draft picks … WHAT COULD GO WRONG?”

Well, he’d actually have three first round picks (10, 17, 26), but whatever.

It’s a good satire piece.