Imagine living in the Midwest. You have tornadoes and your state is irrelevant until a presidential election. You’re on the West Coast. Enjoy the earthquakes. The South? Hurricanes and bugs the size of cats.

While coming to grips with your grim reality, you say to yourself, “Man. I wish I had a cheesesteak from (insert preferred cheesesteak place name here) right about now.” You wander over to your computer and stumble across a food purveyor called Goldbely. This company will ship the local fusion of steak and cheese upon a bun from either Pat’s, Jim’s (62nd St.), or Tony Luke’s. How much would you be willing to spend?

I don’t hate Pat’s. I don’t hate Tony Luke’s. I quite like Jim’s on South Street, but I’ve never tried the 62nd street location. However, I cannot for the life of me figure out who is so desperate for a whiz wit that they’d fork out $99 for 4 cheesesteaks. If you’re reading this in complete befuddlement, let me assure you this is real:

Let’s examine the deals:

Pat’s King of Steaks

  • 4 for $99
  • 8 for $179
  • 12 for $219

Jim’s (62nd street, not South St.)

  • 4 for $99
  • 8 for $179
  • 12 for $219

Tony Luke’s

  • 4 for $99
  • 8 for $169
  • 12 for $209

Tony Luke’s gets a bit of a boost thanks to a $10 discount on orders of eight or twelve, but would that make you abandon your loyalties? Doubtful.

But really, how much would you spend on a 4-pack of cheesesteaks? We at Crossing Broad hold these truths to be self-evident, that not all cheesesteaks are created equal. We also disagree on how much we’d be willing to dish out for our favorite cheesesteak in a cross-country scenario:

Bob: Jim’s for $0. Literally would never have a sandwich shipped.

Chris: Steve’s Prince of Steaks for $0. Same reason as Bob.

Coggin: Jims for $0. I wouldn’t ever pay to get it shipped.

Jeff: Woodrow’s for $0. I’m with Bob. I am also of the opinion that cheesesteaks are overrated in general. My favorite sandwich in the city is the Tony Luke Italian roast beef.

Kevin: Nowhere for $0. I haven’t eaten a Philly cheesesteak in at least two years.

Kyle: Pat’s for $∞. As much as it takes.

Mike: Chick’s in Cherry Hill for $0.

Phil: ____ for $0. There is no point in eating a cheesesteak if it wasn’t freshly prepared in front of you with ingredients that were not flash frozen.

Russ: Jim’s for $15 plus free shipping. I’d make the purchase for a special event: season opener, playoff game, national TV game. I’d be more likely to buy some thinly-sliced ribeye from the butcher and make my own.

For what it’s worth, Jim’s on South Street really wants you to know their steaks aren’t being sold on Goldbely:

I reached out to Jim’s South Street to get a price on buying directly from them. A manager said they ship packs of 6 cheesesteaks, but would not provide a public price for this post.