The five stages of grief are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. I can assure you that I experienced all five of these stages within five minutes of this happening — killing my Fulham-win-or-draw pick and guaranteeing another winless week:

When Harry freaking Winks scores after the allotted stoppage time to beat you, you know it’s not meant to be. Call me crazy (I see the comments, you’ve called me worse) but I’m still convinced I’m going to end up in the black once the season is over. There’s a lot of time left. On to the Week 24 winners:

BOURNEMOUTH v. CHELSEA

The Cherries have been abysmal for the better part of three months. At one point, Bournemouth lost six of seven league matches. But Eddie Howe’s men have “sort of” steadied the ship, with two wins and a draw in their last three home matches in the league. They’re still terrible on the road, but they host Chelsea here.

And what a time to catch Chelsea. After their desultory, disinterested performance at Arsenal, Maurizio Sarri told the assembled press that his players are “extremely difficult to motivate.” Well now. That’s a dangerous game to play with a squad full of multi-millionaires who know they can’t win the league and are getting by just fine without Champions League matches to play this season, thank you very much. It went about as well as you might expect with the team’s best player:

This match is going to go one of two ways. Either Chelsea’s players will rise as one to answer Sarri’s challenge of their will to compete…or they will tell the manager without words to go bleep himself and stroll through this midweek match in an inconvenient place. My sense is it will be the latter. Sarri will eventually mold this squad into a cohesive unit that buys into what he wants, but it will probably take a couple more transfer windows to get there. There is profit to be made against Chelsea while these issues are sorted out. Take Bournemouth to win OR draw at 5/4.

MANCHESTER UNITED v. BURNLEY

Meanwhile, as Chelsea tears itself apart from within, the formerly dysfunctional bunch in the red half of Manchester is now an ass-kicking juggernaut. Given up for dead in the throes of the Mourinho mess, United is now just three points behind Chelsea for the last Champions League spot. United and Chelsea are also drawn together in the fifth round of the FA Cup. It’s like the good old days for these two erstwhile powerhouses, you know, the way it was before Manchester City started winning everything.

As for this match with Burnley, you need only look at what happens to the Bees when they face top-drawer competition. It’s not pretty:

  • 1/26 FA Cup Manchester City 5-0 Burnley
  • 12/22, EPL Arsenal 3-1 Burnley
  • 12/5 Burnley 1-3 Liverpool
  • 10/28 EPL Burnley 0-4 Chelsea
  • 10/20 EPL Manchester City 5-0 Burnley
  • 9/2 EPL Burnley 0-2 Manchester United

That’s an aggregate of 22-2. It’s probably duck and cover time for Burnley at Old Trafford.

Take Manchester United to win AND over 2.5 goals at 3/4.

TOTTENHAM HOTSPUR v. WATFORD

It’s not just that Tottenham fell out of both the FA Cup and the Carabao Cup in the span of four days. It’s not just that Harry Kane isn’t walking through that door, and neither is Dele Alli. It’s all of those things, but it’s more than that, too.

It’s stuff like this that the manager says:

The mentality that finishing in the top four of the league and getting blasted out of the Champions League year after year is acceptable is reminiscent of another London club, one that Spurs supporters loathe. It’s Arsenal at the end of the Arsene Wenger era. That sort of outlook dulls players’ edges. If all they are here for is securing another season without silverware and with no discernible achievement beyond confirming another series of beatings in Europe next year, it gets pointless fast.

Then you look at the table, and you see that Spurs are pretty comfortably in third. They are four points ahead of the meandering Chelsea side, and seven better than United and Arsenal. Spurs likely aren’t catching City (five points back) and they clearly aren’t catching Liverpool (nine points back.) So they aren’t really threatened in terms of losing the European place for next season and they’re not a title contender.

With all of these injuries, and a manager shrugging that it’s all the same to him, it’s difficult to imagine Spurs doing much to convince against a very game Watford side. The Hornets aren’t going to Europe next season, but a top-10 finish in the league (they’re seventh now) is well within reach. Take Watford to win OR draw at 5/4.

Good luck this mid-week.

WEEK 23 RESULTS

  • Chelsea to win at Arsenal at 5/4: LOSS
  • Manchester City to beat Huddersfield Town AND over 3.5 goals at 11/8: LOSS
  • Fulham to win OR draw against Tottenham Hotspur at evens: LOSS

WEEK 23 TOTAL: -$300

SEASON TO DATE: -$1675