The draft is coming to Pittsburgh:

Once all of the important cities get the draft, then you start going through the podunk towns. That’s where we’re at now – Detroit, Green Bay next year, and Pittsburgh in 2026. This is probably gonna be held in a Sheetz parking lot while a bunch of slobs wave their terrible towels and stuff Primanti Brothers fries into their gaping maws. The first big event will be a leather helmet display, to recognize the last time the Pitt Panthers were relevant in football. Then John Fetterman reveals he’s been a Republican this entire time before shameless Yinzer media pass around the microphone, smearing Kenny Pickett while proclaiming Justin Fields the greatest quarterback of all time. If you look up the word “entitlement” in the dictionary you’ll see a picture of a Steelers fan.

Hopefully these folks show up at the draft:

“Pastor Aiden is an Eagles fan, and I’d like to tell you very simply…”

“The Eagles are masturbators!”

“No, no, not that.”

“You’re a masturbator!”

“No, no, not that.”

“The Bible says..”

“E-A-G-L-E-S, Eagles!”

“You will mount up with strength (sic) like eagles, when you’ve got Jesus Christ”

Isaiah 40:31