Dick Jerardi Emails Reader With His Dumb Plan That He Says Would’ve Saved The Sixers From Frauds

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Dick Jerardi, a vestige of college basketball and the way John Chaney would’ve handled this during a Big 5 game the Palestra, has gone on record calling the Sixers and their ownership “frauds” for doing what most believe is the exact thing needed for the franchise. Inexplicably, he believes the Sixers should just continue with what hasn’t worked for the LAST 30 YEARS and chase middling free agents like a dog chasing a medicine ball around a yard. Sure, they might get it every once in a while, but what are they going to do with it once they do since it can’t fit into their mouth? This is how you get first-round playoff exits.

In an email to reader Ryan, Jerardi explains that he would’ve preferred it if the Sixers kept…

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Yes, Evan Turner, who averaged 27 minutes per game for a bad Boston Celtics team. Holiday, easily the best of the bunch, who has peaked as a mid-tier point guard. And Thad Young, the well-liked wing forward who falls off trees.

But to truly judge the merit of Jerardi’s argument, we need to call attention to what those three players have become. To the flow chart:

Thad: Hinkie has turned Thad into two probable first-round draft picks and a second rounder.

Jrue: Hinkie has turned Jrue into Nerlens Noel, Dario Saric, a first rounder and a second rounder.

Evan: Hinkie has turned team cancer and certifiable bag of nuts Turner into a second rounder, in a classic addition by subtraction move. For real, Turner sucks.

But Dick’s years in the game have taught him that logical arguments like this one have NO PLACE AMONGST THE PEOPLE WHO BUILT THE MECCA OF COLLEGE BASKETBALL BY HAND AND FORTIFIED ITS PLACE IN LORE THROUGH SHEER FORCE OF WILL. Good plan, sport. Good plan.

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Report: Lakers Could Be Total Jerks at the Draft

Every picture of Byron Scott looks like this.  Derick E. Hingle-USA TODAY Sports

Every picture of Byron Scott looks like this.
Derick E. Hingle-USA TODAY Sports

Byron Scott might not be the Lakers coach much longer, because he’s garbage (adj.) at it, but he still represented the Lakers at the draft lottery and gave a little wink when they landed the second overall pick. The consensus seems to be that the top two picks will be Karl-Anthony Towns and Jahlil Okafor. In that order? Probably. In reverse order? Maybe. But the Lakers could screw that all up by being big-time jerks.

According to Dave McMenamin of ESPN (via Pro Basketball Talk), if Towns goes number one, the Lakers may take a guard – probably Sixers target D’Angelo Russell – with their pick, totally being dicks.

“Basically, the Lakers aren’t locked into K-AT or Okafor no matter what at this point, per source,” McMenamin said. They’re “intrigued by Mudiay/Russell.”

No you aren’t, Lakers. You love Okafor. Okafor is your guy. Look at how good he looks. He’s the man you’ve always wanted. These aren’t the guards you’re looking for.

The Lakers passing up on Okafor (who the T’Wolves reportedly like better anyway, for what it’s worth, so none of this might matter) could be a mess for the Sixers. Even if they pass on him for Mudiay, there’s no guarantee Hinkie will take Russell over Okafor. He may very well just think Russell is better. He may even think Mudiay is better (he was supposedly the only NBA GM to watch him play in person). But we just don’t know. Experts (aka people I follow on Twitter) all seem to agree that Okafor, on this team, is a bad fit. I side with them.

I trust Sam Hinkie. I do. But sometimes it’s best to have things shaped a bit for you rather than having free reign over whatever you want. That’s why many Sixers fans were (quietly) hoping the Sixers fell right into that number three spot. It’s a high pick, but not so high that Hinkie can take another big man. It’s like a dude with 15 degrees in different fields. Sure, you’re smart all around, but if you just focused on one thing we’d have flying cars by now.

The fans want the best team and the best players possible. But to start making the move forwards — which everyone wants the Sixers to start doing, you gotta fill out that starting five a bit. But, on the other side of the coin, next season should bring in four first round picks (barring future trades) and Dario Saric. Maybe this time next year we won’t even believe we were having this conversation. Maybe the Lakers pick Okafor. Maybe this nervousness is for nothing. But it’s still there.

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Joel Embiid Hangs with Porn Star, Still Refuses to Smile

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Here’s Joel Embiid, really committed to the bit, not smiling as he hangs with porn star Jesse Jane last night. The other people around them are Todd Bowman (who seems to know Jane) and former NBAer Jeremy Tyler. It’s a who’s who of “how the hell do these people know each other?”.

[h/t reader Mike]

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Philly Fans (and Media) and the Fear of Something New

Photo Credit: Bill Streicher-USA TODAY Sports

Photo Credit: Bill Streicher-USA TODAY Sports

Sam Hinkie is a fraud. Chip Kelly thinks he’s still in college. Dave Hakstol should still be in college. The Phillies.

These are the loudest and most prevalent(?) gripes about Philly sports today. Many writers echo these sentiments (locally and nationally). The old-timers feel that way. But shouldn’t a town that has felt the joy of victory so infrequently in its history be more willing to accept a different way of doing things as long as the goal is to win championships? David Murphy has a theory:

Maybe the people who complain about Hinkie and Kelly and Dave Hakstol are all the same people, and, if they are, maybe they are indicative of some sort of reactionary ethos that lies deep in the identity of this town, one that opposes anything that is not done the way it is “supposed” to be done, the way it has always been done, the way our fathers and their fathers watched it be done, back when programs cost a nickel, and Concrete Charlie wreaked havoc all over Franklin Field.

And, if they are, maybe the volume and violence of their reaction to the recent upheaval is indicative of the influence that the protectors of the ethos once held, because theirs is the reaction of a power structure that is no longer. And if all of this is true – if the hate of Hinkie and the doubt of Kelly originate with an ideology so strong it once served as a fundamental aspect of selfhood in the city of Philadelphia – then maybe it long served to influence the decision-making of the city’s sports teams, pushing local ownership groups toward the familiar, the comfortable, the traditional in their hiring, prioritizing guys who said “wooder” and “sawff pressle” over guys with newfangled ideas who didn’t really care what the locals thought.

Murphy’s right. For a city born out of dissent and revolution, Philadelphians are a proud, traditional people. In fact, “Phila,” the Greek word for love, might not be what describes us best after all. Maybe it’s “storge,” meant to show “mere acceptance or putting up with situations, as in ‘loving’ the tyrant.” Storgedelphia sounds awful though.

The Phillies’ last three managers have been hires from the quasi-inside. The Eagles stuck with Andy Reid for 408 years. The Sixers’ GM history is a list of former coaches and Billy King. And the Flyers finally hired not only someone from outside the Flyers, but also outside the NHL. In dire sports times like these, risk should be greeted with enthusiasm (or at the very least, acceptance), but the capital “w” Writers and first-time, long-timers prefer things to be the way they’ve always been. The way that brought two Stanley Cups to the Flyers (last in 1975), three championships to the Sixers (last in 1983), two World Series wins to the Phillies (’80 and ’08), and exactly zero Super Bowl victories to the Eagles.

But, to many, people who embrace the risks are Kool-Aid drinkers or apologists or don’t know enough about the sport, as if you have to have an encyclopedic knowledge of the dead-ball era to want to win. The Flyers have been stagnant, the Sixers have been goal-less, the Eagles hit a wall, and the Phillies have been tumbling down a steep hill, hitting every bump along the way. But instead of really looking at the Sixers’ post-Iverson era or the Eagles’ lack of Super Bowl wins, it’s just: Different is bad. Nerds don’t belong in sports. It’s all a Ponzi scheme. Chip is just going back to college anyway. They’re all frauds*.

But the thing is, it’s easy to know what you’re getting. It’s relaxing to know you’ll get at least 10 wins and make it to the second round of the playoffs. It’s less stressful to know you’ll finish right around .500 and maybe luck into winning a playoff round. But it’s also less fun. And as much as sports here are “business,” they are not serious business. They’re supposed to be fun. And if you can’t have fun because things aren’t the way things were — or even worse, if that makes you angry — then you’re doing sports wrong.

*I challenge every sports writer out there to go a full year without calling someone a fraud. It’s the most overused and hyperbolic word in Philly sports media.

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You Could Be Watching LeSean McCoy or DeSean Jaccson on Hard Knocks

Photo Credit: Bob Stanton-USA TODAY Sports

Photo Credit: Bob Stanton-USA TODAY Sports

According to an ESPN Cleveland report, the Cleveland Browns have asked to not be featured on this year’s Hard Knocks, which leaves the Texans, Redskins, and Bills as “front-runners.” That means your viewings of Hard Knocks — consistently one of the best shows on TV — could be littered with LeSean McCoy being salty about the Eagles, DeSean Jaccson being salty about everything, or the Texans trying to figure out who the hell can be their quarterback. I hate to say it, but Washington would easily be the most entertaining option here. We can watch their collapse from the inside.

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This Kid Is Ready for Football Season

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Top 5 parenting move of all-time right here.

That’s son of Brian, wearing one of the 12 BIG BALLS CHIP SHIRTS his dad ordered last week. Brian owns 1,000 Degrees Pizzeria, a chain of pizzerias in New Jersey (new locations opening in Deptford, Marlton and Cherry Hill this summer) which cooks pizzas at – you guessed it – 1,000 degrees, or degreez, according to America’s great poet, Juvenile:

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So that answers the question about how you get free advertising: buy 12 t-shirts from the Crossing Broad Store.

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Big 5 Report: St. Joe’s Students Hazed, Temple Prof Charged for Selling Secrets to China

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I’m Kyle Scott and this is your Big 5 Report.

First up, St. Joe’s, where rookie softball players were allegedly hazed by older teammates all while head coach Terri Adams turned a blind eye, according to a lawsuit filed Wednesday against the school and head coach. From Philly.com:

The plaintiff, who is identified only as a 20-year-old Jane Doe from outside Pennsylvania, said in the suit she was forced to “hold a plank position in the middle of Church Road with traffic.” She was locked in a car until she drank a baby bottle filled with ketchup, hot sauce, mustard and other kitchen items, according to the suit. And she was forced to drink jello shots even after she informed upperclassmen that she was on medication and didn’t want to drink, the suit said.

What’s more, the alleged abuse occurred over a period of years and university employees including Head Coach Terri Adams, who is named as a defendant, knew about it and did nothing to stop it, according to the suit. Teammates called the plaintiff names and said she was gay and “should come out of the closet,” the suit said. Adams name called, too, referring to the plaintiff as “Sippy” and “Sippy S— in Pants,” according to the suit.

What is Magis, you say? Well, here are a few examples from the lawsuit, which was dug up by Deadspin:

One particularly degrading act that Plaintiff recalls involved calling an upperclassman named by the nickname “Jersey Gem” and performing a sexually lewd dance referred to as a “Jersey Turnpike” in front of this upperclass member of the team. The term “Jersey Turnpike” refers to a sexually lewd act involving bending over ‘doggie style’ in front of another person and simulating intercourse.

During this initiation week in the Fall of 2013, Plaintiff refused to engage in certain other activities but was forced to witness her fellow freshman teammates engage in these activitiesincluding:

a.Being forced to simulate oral sex on wine bottles while video taped;

b.Being forced to simulate manual sex over their clothes; and

c.Being forced to pretend they were coach Terri Adams and simulate an orgasm

Upon information and belief, during this initiation week in the Fall of 2013, one of theincoming freshman became so drunk at an initiation week party that she required emergencyroom treatment for alcohol poisoning. Upon information and belief, Coach Adamsaccompanied this other teammate to the hospital and was aware of the multiple violationsof SJU policies at that time but failed to properly further report the incident within SJUand/or failed to properly act to protect teammates, including Plaintiff, from further violationsof policy and law

Live greater. That’s the Magis.

Meanwhile, on North Broad, a physics professor, Xiaoxing Xi, is being charged in an alleged plot to swap US tech secrets with his motherland. From 6 ABC:

Federal prosecutors say 47-year-old Xiaoxing Xi, an expert in the field of superconductivity, sought prestigious appointments in China in exchange for providing data on a device invented by a U.S. firm.

The Penn Valley resident is a naturalized U.S. citizen who was born in China.

Xi appeared in U.S. District Court Thursday on four counts of wire fraud. He has been released on $100,000 bond. It wasn’t immediately known if he has a lawyer.

Yeah, he’s fucked.

Finally, at Villanova, a student group filmed a documentary about life and poverty in Costa Rica, while an alumnus put the finishing touches on his film exploring the boundaries of sexuality and religion. This has been your Big 5 Report.

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Get all Hot and Bothered Watching all of the Eagles Defense/Special Teams TDs from Last Year

Kind of a slow day, so why not close the blinds, make sure your boss isn’t gonna walk by, put your headphones on, and watch this video of the Eagles’ 11 return TDs from last year. It’s almost the weekend. You deserve it. Just keep your hands above the desk. Or don’t. Who cares.

[h/t r/Eagles]

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