Local-ish actor and comedian Chris Perillo (@ChrisPerillo), who is literally tweeting out this video to everybody, nailed Flyers fans with this. I’m usually worried when I see these sorts of videos, because they are almost always a disaster, but the production quality, jokes and deepening story arc are, for the most part, very good. I lost it when the guy with the Terry Carkner jersey came in sans pants.

Playoffs, baby.

Photo: Flyers

Photo: Flyers

Newly rich Flyers defenseman Andrew MacDonald explains what it’s like to do business with Flyers Savings and Humongous Loan:

“We kind of hashed it out a couple different ways. Ended up finishing on 6 [years]. I felt like a good, long-term commitment was great for me and they agreed with it.”

Paul Holmgren, always playing hardball. You want four years, Andrew? Don’t think we can do that. How about six?

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It’s OK– I grew up in Delco, I can make these jokes.

Email from reader Matt:

This clown decided to stand up on the bar at McFadden’s last night, right after the back-to-back-to-back home runs, pull his hood on, and propose to his girlfriend.  Then right afterwards orders 6 shots of fireball for him, his [fiancée] and [fiancée]‘s friend.

Now that’s class. Waiting until the quiet moment in the bar, after B.J. Rosenberg fat fat fatties the game away, to pop the big question. Baggy cargo shorts for maximum flexion. The hood… for God knows why. And the shots of Fireball, because that’s the way to kick off the nuptial process. Here’s to avoiding the other 50% of unions.

Commenter Delco Jorts is going to be all over this one.

Photo credit: Charles LeClaire-USA TODAY Sports

Photo credit: Charles LeClaire-USA TODAY Sports

The Flyers have signed defenseman Andrew MacDonald to an extension. Dave Isaac reports it is for six years, $30 million.

My God.

MacDonald, who is 27, has played very well since being traded to the Flyers last month(!), and in typical Paul Holmgren fashion, he has been given a massive, potentially crippling, extension based on a very small sample size.

Signing MacDonald to an extension was the right move. Doing it for that much, however… gah.

Kevin Christmann of Broad Street Hockey put together what has to be the best breakdown that exists in the world on MacDonald… and it was just posted an hour ago. An excerpt:

From a defenseman’s perspective, it’s pretty simple. If you breakup the rush before it comes into your zone, that’s ideal. It’s hard to generate a shot or a scoring chance if you can’t get in the offensive zone. If you force your opponent to dump it in deep, they now have to go get it back, which may or may not happen. The worst case scenario is allowing them to carry the puck into the zone where they are free to take a shot.

What Eric found was that MacDonald was the worst on the team in all three areas among the regulars. He was targeted the most at 47.6%, he allowed carry-ins the most often at 78.1%, and he broke up the fewest rushes at 4.7% (Erik Gustafsson had a lower percentage, but in only 31 games).

If we compare that to Braydon Coburn, who was the best in all three categories, it’s quite a difference. Coburn had a target percentage of 21.1%, a carry-against percentage of 62.8%, and a break-up percentage of an impressive 11.7%.

This gets real heavy on advanced hockey analysis, but it’s steeped in actual observation rather than in metrics that mean little to the average fan. Real good read if you want to learn more about MacDonald.

UPDATE: Here is Inquirer Flyers beat writer Sam Carchidi’s detailed and nuanced take on the deal. Three full sentences.

UPDATE 2: Puck Daddy on why handing out a massive deal to a guy who blocks shots is a bad idea.

Phillies_fans

This ESPN-captured moment will quickly make its way into Philly webternets lore. The trifecta of infamy: there’s a Vine, a slow-mo video set to melodramatic music, and a GIF.

Now we just need someone to instantly gram the heartbreak on Chunk’s face using the Amaro filter. Wait, done:

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Being a Philly sports fan in a nutshell.

GIF via Barstool

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Rough night for Jake Diekman, who may be the least of the Phillies’ worries in the bullpen. He was terrible last night, but he was in the wrong spot. Jonathan Papelbon wasn’t available and Ruben Amaro didn’t fit the team with anyone else that a manager could reasonably rely on to finish a close game. So we were stuck with Diekman, and the outcome was just about inevitable.

And after his lousy performance, Diekman was, of course, inundated with vicious Tweets. A sampling:

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But believe it or not, the haters were in the minority last night. Most fans – the real ones – offered Jake some words of encouragement. Those are the 36 Tweets that will warm your heart: Continue Reading…

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I’d like to read you a story.

Prologue: The Phillies trailed the Braves, 2-1, going into the eighth inning last night.

Chapter 1: Top 8. Enter sad sack B.J. Rosenberg, the 28-year-old with the beer gut of a 42-year-old. Here are the results of the three batters he faced:

Home run (Evan Gattis, his second of the night). 3-1.

Home run (Dan Uggla, his career 7,000th against the Phillies). 4-1.

Home run (Andrelton Simmons). 5-1.

Rosenberg1

That’ll be the evening. Rosenberg’s line for the night: 8 strikes, 9 balls, 0.0 innings pitched, 3 hits, 3 earned runs, 3 solo home runs, 2 turtle doves and a partridge getting fucked in a pear tree by one the most dubious baseball distinctions ever. From Todd Zolecki:

Retrosheet found 44 pitchers since 1950 who allowed home runs to the only two batters they faced in a game, but no pitcher since 1914 had allowed home runs to the only three batters he faced until Rosenberg.

I need Jayson Stark to look up if any pitcher has ever had 3 of 17 pitches hit out of the park at any point in their career. That’s 17%. 17% of the pitches B.J. Rosenberg threw last night were deposited in the stands. I have trouble attaining that rate in R.B.I. Baseball.

Chapter 2: Bottom 8. Phils trail 5-1. The top three batters in Phillies’ lineup – Tony Gwynn Jr., Jimmy Rollins and Chase Utley – get on. Ryan Howard strikes out, looking, on four fastballs. Marlon Byrd singles, two runs score. 5-3. Dom Brown blasts a three-run home run. 6-5, Phillies! Heroics! 2008 stuff! YEAH, BABY!

Chapter 3: Top 9. Diekman.

Since Jonathan Papelbon pitched three nights in a row, it was Jake Diekman who was charged with closing out the tense one-run game against a division rival. Haha. Here’s how that worked out:

Walk.

Boneheaded fielder’s choice by Utley that leaves runners on first and second with no outs.

Walk.

Strikeout.

Grand slam (Dan Uggla, his career 7,001st home run against the Phillies). 9-6. Phillies fan react in hyper-slow-motion.

Single.

Strikeout.

Strikeout.

Diekman’s line for the night: 16 strikes, 12 balls, 1 inning pitched, 2 hits, 4 earned runs, 3 strikeouts, 2 walks and a partridge in the left field seats.

The end.

Epilogue: The Phillies’ social media people thought it would be a great(!) idea to send out this tone-deaf Tweet mere moments after B.J. Rosenberg and Jake Diekman ruined a nearly four-hour ballgame:

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As for Ruben Amaro? He was smart enough to get out of town so he wouldn’t have to witness his bullpen monster eating all the villagers:

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Dear God, make Ruben a bird so he can fly far, far, far away from here.

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Another excellent job by the Flyers’ social media folks. This Facebook post links to a graph search* of friends who like the Rangers:

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Consider it done, Flyers. Consider it done.

*I never thought I’d write that unironically. Thanks, Zuckerberg!