Archives For draft

Fake Fantasy QB Draft

Kyle Scott —  August 20, 2013 — 5 Comments

These Facebook conversations from Pro Football Mock are generally too drawn out and often lame, but there’s a few good one-liners in here, and I like page views… so here you go:

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You can read the entire thing if you have, like, 70 minutes… hither!

H/T to The School Philly

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This post originally ran just over a year ago, when our favorite (NOW MARRIED!) puck bunny conquered roughly half a dozen soon-to-be professional hockey players. Sadly, there was no similar venture this year (that we know of…). So, while the sports world slows for a few days as we celebrate Bill Pullman’s famous Independence Day speech and I stock up on coffee, beer and Haribo Gummy Bears for our Flyers free agency running commentary on Friday, let’s relive the beauty and majesty of Princesss Sass, a tradition unlike any other.

 

Before we delve into the shadowy world of jersey chasing – puck bunnydom, to be specific – let’s rewind to an earlier time.

Back in April, during that series in which the Flyers embarrassed the half-assed hockey team from the western end of the state, we introduced you to (our favorite) partially cloaked Penguins fan: Princesss Sass, as she’s known on the Interrods.

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We first came across Ms. Sass when she posted pictures of some signs she brought to the CONSOL Energy Center to harass the Flyers. We then followed her solo travels to Philadelphia for Game 3 and, as recently as last week, featured her in our special puck slut PSA relating to the announcement of the NHL Draft coming to the City of Brotherly Love in 2014. Sass’ appearance in our PSA was to demonstrate the shooting-fish-in-a-barrel nature of the NHL entry draft, an event that sees scores of young, mostly Canadian, teen-something boys flock into a particular city for, up to that point, the biggest weekend of their lives. The weekend when they become men.

We have to give Sass credit. She’s taken our heavy ribbing in stride (even though I once called her a slore), almost reveling in her role as the stereotypical puck slut from Shittsburgh. But now she’s outdone herself. She has given us an exclusive, meticulously detailed account of her weekend at the NHL Draft – complete with pictures and screenshots – where she warmed up about a sixth of the top 60 picks.

Before last weekend’s event, which was held in Pittsburgh, Sass tweeted a preview of her outfit for the draft’s first night. For her and other puck bunnies (and I do wish to not be graphic here), the thought of bagging an up-and-comer who might one day drink from Lord Stanley’s Cup (or, less ambitiously, bookend Pierre McGuire along an NHL dasher) makes their underoos drippier than a protagonist during the rain scene in a mid-oughts romance flick.*

*Ryan Gosling vociferously objects! “I’m wetter and I look better! And I’m a poet.”

You see, hockey players, unlike athletes from the other three major sports, are fairly accessible. For example, if you were a jersey chaser and wanted to fuck LeBron James, you’d likely have to make it through long lines, VIP ropes, possibly a background check, a publicist, some posse and Mike Miller before you ever got near King. Then there’s a good chance you’d have to be taken for a test spin (perhaps simultaneously) by a few members of his inner-circle – sexual gatekeepers, if I may – to see if you were up to the task. With satisfactory performance, you might – might – have a chance to score with LeBron.

Conversely, if you wanted to bump baby makers with, say, Jeff Carter, all you’d have to do is wear a revealing tube top to La Costa this Friday night.

It’s just… easier to get with hockey players.

At the NHL Draft, it’s easiest: puck bunnies want in early and not-even-old-enough-to-shave athletes want their first (or second or third) groupie. It’s a perfect balance, this delicate ecosystem of fuck. And that’s where we begin our story.

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[Note: We’ve removed players' names from the story and texts. But among those included are five first-rounders, four second-rounders, two sons of former NHLers, and one (now) Flyer. All are 18, or younger.]

Continue Reading…

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I’m just kidding… no one would accuse the Sixers of tanking so they could gamble with more ping pong balls.

No. 

No way.

In case you missed it last night (and, I mean, who wouldn’t be watching a meaningless Sixers-Nuggets game at midnight while college hoops action was going on?), your Philadelphia 76ers took a mile-high shit in the final two minutes of what was shaping up to be a convincing win over Andre Iguodala and the streaking Nuggets. 

I bet Adam Aron wishes he could take this Tweet back:

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Shortly thereafter, the Sixers ended the game in HILARIOUS fashion. Here’s a condensed version of the play-by-play from the final two minutes. Somewhere, Damien Wilkins’ agent just moved to burn all evidence of this period in time. Sixers on left, Nuggets on right: 

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Adam?

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Are you kidding? Best minute EVER! More ping pong balls, please. 

You can view the highlights after the jump, or watch Doug Collin’s post-game presser here. Is it just me, or is he turning into the Joker right before our eyes?

Continue Reading…

image from mobilwi.typepad.com
It’s back. Our friends at Draft Street our giving away more money to you, the CB reader.

Play our FREE one-night only fantasy hockey league for games TOMORROW NIGHT. You’re given $100k to draft 2 LW, 2 RW, 2 C, 2 D, 1 goalie and 1 flex player. Top 15 finishers win money. Payouts are as follows: 

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I figured since Paul Holmgren plays fantasy hockey, I would go with the Flyers’ strategy for my team– overspend on a goalie, bring back ex-forwards, and completely ignore the defense. Maybe it will work in faksies land: 

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Think you can do better? Choose your team here. I’ll list the handles of all the people who beat me on the site.

Draft Street is awesome. We’ve been working with these guys for a while. Our league is gratis, but you can choose from hundreds of small daily leagues to compete for large cash prizes. Play with $5, or play with $100. It’s up to you. You can win earn (because, just like any fantasy league, skill is required) thousands each day. And there's no bullshit– just straight-up daily fantasy leagues. By far, the best site out there for this sort of thing.


image from mobilwi.typepad.com
Hey, let’s make football mean something again!

Play in our FREE one-week only fantasy football league courtesy of our friends at Draft Street. Use $100k to pick your squad and compete against me and other CB readers only to win from a $300 cash prize pool. No bullshit. No gimmicks. Just a one-week only fantasy football league so you can win some money.

Here’s all you need to do:

1) Pick your team for games on Sunday and Monday only.

2) Follow along (or don’t).

3) Check back to see if you’ve one a nice last minute Christmas present.

Payouts are as follows:

1st: $100

2nd: $60

3rd: $30

4th: $20

5th: $15

6th: $15

7th-9th: $10

10th-15th: $5

 

Click here to pick your team. Takes two seconds.

image from mobilwi.typepad.com

Continue Reading…

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I swear to you– nothing is happening today.  I’m trying to find something to talk about, but it might be the slowest sports day of the year. To illustrate, I spent an hour on dogshaming.tumblr.com (you’re welcome), sending Ms. CB pictures of rascal pups, whose breeds we might want to avoid when searching for a dog when we return from London next month (don’t worry, Ryan Gillon will cover the site while I’m gone). 

So, let’s get an early jump on our Week 1 fantasy football free roll courtesy of our friends at Draft Street. We’re giving away $300 in cash prizes, with the top 15 finishers winning money. As always, it’s totally FREE to play.

You will be given $100k to draft a team consisting of 2 QBs, 2 RBs, 2 WRs, 1 TE, 2 flex positions, and 1 defense and specials teams team. You’ll be competing against me and other CB readers only. My squad? Sex: Tom Brady, Joe Flacco, Frank Gore, LeSean McCoy, DeSean Jackson, Deion Branch, Coby Fleener, LeGarrette Blount, Jacquizz Rodgers, and da Bears.

Think you can do better? Here’s all you need to do:

1) Click this link.

2) Choose your team.

3) Follow along during Week 1 (the games starting on Sunday– the Wednesday game between the Cowboys and Giants won’t count).

4) Win money.

The payouts are as follows:

1st: $100

2nd: $60

3rd: $30

4th: $20

5th-6th: $15

7th-9th: $10

10th-15th: $5

That’s it. Get in early before spaces fill up.

Morning Wood: Misguided

Kyle Scott —  June 29, 2012 — 26 Comments

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Sixers Draft

The Sixers drafted St. John's freshman Maurice Harkless last night. Like any 15th overall selection, he’s talented enough to have a high-upside, but has enough question marks (in this case, strength and shooting) to not warrant a top-ten pick. That’s fine. But what’s not fine is the fact that THE SIXERS KEEP DRAFTING THE SAME PLAYER. Stop me if you’ve heard of these guys before– Andre Iguodala, Thaddeus Young, Evan Turner. All at various points in their careers, those three players all play that swingy, 2-to-3 position, which is exactly what Harkless projects to be: a small forward.

For once, I agree with what John Smallwood wrote this morning: [Philly.com

I admit, I was confused by the Harkless pick. The scouting skinny on Harkless is that he is great athlete, attacks the rim and is great in the open court. His weaknesses include an inconsistent perimeter shot and some issues with ballhandling.

I was seeing not only Young, but also Andre Iguodala and Evan Turner.

Even with Thorn talking about Harkless' "growth plate" and saying that he might eventually be able to play power forward, his selection alone raised more questions than answers.

Legitimate big men were still on the board when the Sixers picked, including North Carolina power forward Tyler Zeller (7 feet, 250), St. Bonaventure power forward Andrew Nicholson (6-9, 240), Ohio State forward Jared Sullinger (6-9, 280), and Syracuse center Fab Melo (7 feet, 274). All seemed better suited to fill an immediate need for the Sixers.

 

That was quite similar to what CBS Sports NBA writer Matt Moore wrote: [CBSSports.com]

This was somewhat baffling because the Sixers have guys at his position — Andre Iguodala andThaddeus Young. Harkless is young and will take some time to develop, but he's got a chance to be a quality starter in the league. He's long, rebounds well and can also get to the basket and finish. He can be brought along slowly, but the reward could be tremendous.

 

CSN’s John Gonzalez? Same thing: [CSNPhilly.com] 

If you’re wondering why the Sixers, a team that already has a few tweeners in the 6-6 to 6-9 height range (among them Andre Iguodala, Thad Young and Evan Turner), you aren’t alone. Unless, that is, you have a cushy national TV gig, at which point you evidently loved the pick. When the selection was made, one of the ESPN talking heads said the Sixers needed to “get better inside” and “they did that tonight.” 

 

I suspect you can find similar reviews everywhere. Now, if the Sixers have a move up their sleeve, one that will get rid of one of their swing players and land a legitimate big man or a top-flight guard (which neither Turner nor Jrue Holiday are at this point), then we’ll change our tune. For now, though? Why?

Doug Collins tried to answer that question in an email sent by the team, calling Harkless: A terrific athlete with tremendous upside.

Stop the music, stop it right now. A mid-first round NBA draft pick that’s athletic and has upside?! Someone call Jay Bilas. He needs to see this.

The Sixers also traded for the Heat's 27th pick, Arnett Moultrie. In the second round, they added some monster from the Republic of Georgia that no one has ever heard of.

The guy from the Delco Times sort of liked the move for Moultrie: [Delco Times]

The Sixers handed over one of their second-round picks and a promissory note for a perfectly non-lottery first-round selection next year. Miami, meanwhile, selected Mississippi State power forward Arnett Moultrie — at 6-11, a true low-post player and physical force — when he dropped to No. 27 and passed him along to the Sixers.

It was precisely what the Sixers needed as they ready themselves for the July 1 start of free agency. At the moment they have eight players under contract: the two rookies, Young, Andre Iguodala, Evan Turner, Jrue Holiday, Elton Brand and Nick Vucevic. They are confident they will get something done with Lavoy Allen. That’s nine.

 

We'll see.

 

Staff Infection

No sense in talking about the Phillies other than listing the pitchers that have have taken the mound in the last two days: Kyle Kendrick, Brian Sanches, Jeremy Horst, Raul Valdes, Joe Savery, Michael Schwimer, Jake Diekman, Chad Qualls and Antonio Bastardo.

Are you still wondering why 11 runs in two games weren’t enough for a win?

Cliff Lee pitches tonight, and it would be really swell if he could find some consistency and make that $125 million contract worth it for the top-heavy, over-relying on five guys, no-depth, mis-transacted and poorly constructed Phillies.

 

Homer’s Gun

NHL free agency begins on Sunday, and Paul Holmgren is likely going to hurt himself or someone else. Our running commentary will pick up once Sunday rolls around. We probably jumped the gun a bit on putting in live on Tuesday, but we’ll feature it once things pick up.

 

Quizzo

Congrats to My Couch Pulls Out… I Don’t on their Will Ferrell quizzo victory last night at Drinker’s:

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