Tag: michael vick (page 1 of 5)

Michael Vick’s Alleged Ex-Lover Just Sent an Email to the Press Warning That His D*ck Pic May Accidentally Come Out Soon

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Welcome to my inbox.

Today, Bella Escritor, whom you may remember as the woman who wrote a book about her lurid affair with Michael Vick and then got mad at me when I excerpted the nasty parts and I think even more mad when fashion editor Dan shredded the whole thing in a review, sent an email to me and other assorted gossipers warning that Michael Vick’s dick pic, which she apparently has on her computer, may soon HIT THE WEBZZZZ. That email:

I have something major that may come out about Michael Vick. As you may know by now I wrote the book, Quarterback Keeper, about my 10 years of knowing Michael Vick personally. Recently I traveled to see friends and left my laptop exposed. Upon arrival back home I noticed that some of my files had been tampered with. Including the infamous naked picture of Vick that I wrote about in my book.

I wanted to let it be known that if the photo does come out publicly, that was never intended to. I still have my copy of the photo that I hold onto for self use, because Michael wanted me to have it.

If interested in the story behind it, let me know. Or feel free to use the info provided above.

Let’s… break this down:

I have something major that may come out about Michael Vick. As you may know by now I wrote the book, Quarterback Keeper, about my 10 years of knowing Michael Vick personally. 

Translation: Did you buy it? Because you should totally buy it.

Recently I traveled to see friends and left my laptop exposed.

Translation: That wasn’t the only thing left exposed. HEYYO!

Upon arrival back home I noticed that some of my files had been tampered with.

Translation: Upon arrival back home I noticed that some of my files had been tampered with.

Including the infamous naked picture of Vick that I wrote about in my book.

Translation: A reminder that I have in my possession a picture of Michael Vick’s dick, which I made infamous.

I wanted to let it be known that if the photo does come out publicly, that was never intended to.

Translation: It totally was.

I still have my copy of the photo that I hold onto for self use, because Michael wanted me to have it.

Translation: Masturbation. I masturbate to it.

If interested in the story behind it, let me know. Or feel free to use the info provided above.

Translation: I am available for interviews, but if you make fun of this email, I’m going to put you on blast.

Weirdly, this is better proactive PR than what we’ve ever seen from the Phillies. Bella at least can see a storm comin’ (cummin’?). But she made one crucial mistake: she didn’t bcc anyone. Just email addresses, floating into the inboxes of bloggers with little restraint. So… here are the media folks and outlets Bella thought would be interested in this development (or ones with which she’s previously communicated, because some of these are personal emails): Radar Online, Huffington Post, me, Perez Hilton, Atlanta Streetz, Daily Mail, JIMMY KEMPSKI, Star Magazine, and others. Oh, and you caught that, too? The part where the order goes: ME, Perez Hilton. That’s right, we now know who’s at the top of the athlete dick pic food chain. LET THE BIG DOG EAT.

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And no, you’re still not seeing T.O.’s.

20 Comments

Michael Vick Writes Letter Thanking Eagles Fans, Marcus Vows to Bash Them

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Upon signing with the Jets, Michael Vick wrote a letter to Eagles fans (published on Philly.com), saying in part:

I would like to thank the Eagles and the entire city of Philadelphia. I was honored to be their quarterback and took the privilege to heart every day. I especially want to thank Jeffrey Lurie and Andy Reid, who gave me the opportunity. I want to thank my teammates, who were not just coworkers, but friends. I also want to thank the millions of fans who cheered and supported our team.

Meanwhile, his asshole brother:

Voila_Capture 2014-03-22_11-42-55_AMVoila_Capture 2014-03-22_11-43-12_AM Voila_Capture 2014-03-22_11-43-03_AMIt’s almost as if Marcus has become a parody of himself. Mike, for the most part, was embraced just about as well as anyone could have expected given his history. I can’t wait to see how Marcus handles trashy Jets fans the minute his brother throws his first interception. New York is like meathead Philly. This won’t end well for that free-riding weirdo.

via (@JimmyTraina)

via (@JimmyTraina)

10 Comments

Mike Vick and Bow Wow Want… to SET YOUR CITY ON FIRE

Voila_Capture 2014-02-17_03-31-03_PMHold up, Sherman. What’s going on here?

It’s “the next big thing.” It’s “ingeniously brought to you by Bow Wow and Mike Vick.” It… has a Z in its name.

Wavemasterz. Zzzzzzzzzzzz.

Z.

Zzzz.

It’s not immediately obvious what it is. The Twitter (@WaveMasterz) description is “setting your city on fire!” The website’s slogan is “we’re gonna set ya city on fire!”* On Instagram it just says “the best thing since Air Jordans.”** The only giveaway is the non-clickable website links: brushes, pomade, durags and skull caps. Michael Vick and Bow Wow are selling hair product and headwear. Cool. But not sure if the fire imagery works:

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*I feel like there should be some brand consistency here. But what do I know? I approved the worst logo ever.

**I doubt it.

6 Comments

Book Review: Quarterback Keeper

Voila_Capture998Last week, I caught some flack from both the stripper who wrote a book, Quarterback Keeper, about her romance with Michael Vick and from some readers who took issue with the fact that I excerpted the book but didn’t read the whole thing. So, fashion editor Dan Fuller stepped in. The poor soul read QK this weekend. I saw his draft growing and said, “Dan, she’s not worth it, man. She’s just not worth it.” He complained that it was not yet done, but eventually agreed, and I hit publish on it as-is. This is his review.   

“From that night on, Vick would text me that he loved me, and love became a new word we openly shared with one another. He would even text the <3 symbol at the end of his text messages and later in his prison letters. Vick let me know it was love from that point and until our final conversation ever. A type of love that could last forever, even if we didn’t. Whenever we would continue to see each other I would usually have music playing, music that we both seemed to enjoy. Who would imagine that a significant football player from the streets of Virginia would be a fan of Phil Collins, and other 80’s artist?”

Consider there to be a giant “[sic.]” after that representative excerpt.

A tell-all book from the spurned lover and confidante of one of the most divisive and high profile athletes of the last 20 years. Bridges burned, the truth told, secrets exposed, intimate encounters shared from sweaty detail to sweaty detail. This should be a game changer. What if it were… boring?

Written with all of the gusto (and sentence structure) of a 7th grade book report, Quarterback Keeper offers none of these things. The author misses the point completely for a book like this: this either needs to be filled with lascivious details of their sex life, Michael Vick’s sexual habits, predilections, irrational dislikes, or it needs to use her unique access to craft a narrative that sheds more light on Vick’s state of mind not captured by NFL press conferences and interviews where his handlers can be sensed just off camera. “Here’s some facet of his personality that only I saw, and this is why he did this or that.” That’s the point of a book like this; not the author waxing (marginally) poetic about how hurt she was when things didn’t go well.

Perhaps it’s piling on, but it’s abundantly clear why this book couldn’t find a publisher. Kyle ran down the fact that it uses a huge font to fill out its 160 pages, but evident in his excerpts and left unsaid is the quality of the writing. In short, there is none. The vast majority of the sentences follow a rigid subject-verb-object pattern to the point, often with that subject being “I.” Not obvious in his excerpts is the lack of any narrative flow. The book is structured chronologically, but events are sloppily retold. In short, the common pattern used is, “I didn’t like this person because this thing happened,” written as if that event had been shared with the reader previously. The explanatory paragraph with the tone “I should probably have told you about this” follows a bit later, but any narrative tension derived from shading a new event with conflict from the past is tossed aside. Of course, the awful writing could be forgiven if it’s still telling a good story, but there is no interesting story here. The sex isn’t particularly scandalous; in short, he enjoyed having sex with her and vice versa, and when he was on the Falcons, he would have the type of crazy parties you’d hope phenomenally rich athletes in their mid-20s would throw, and they’d do a bad job sneaking around, watching other couples have sex. All of this is in the first quarter of the book (and excerpted by Kyle). Beyond that, the camera figuratively pans up, and any future encounters are summed up as “and he made me feel real good that night.”

The dog fighting reality is touched upon significantly more briefly than would be expected. He would leave the Atlanta area for Virginia for two weeks at a time, putting some member of his entourage in charge of the upkeep of his house in Georgia. She closes out the chapter with the obligatory, “I never saw him hurt an animal, and I don’t think he could ever let an animal come to harm” line, while earlier in the same chapter relating a story about how one of his pet parrots basically starved to death because the people (hangers-on, really) that were staying in his house neglected to feed it and when Vick returned, he didn’t put any thought to making sure it had been take care of. With respect to dog-fighting, his guilt is factual; she saw him let the bird be neglected to the point of death. How can the summary of the section pertaining to dog fighting end with a blanket statement that she couldn’t see him as the type of person to harm animals, when he’s letting it happen right there next to her?

Without the benefit of a professional ghostwriter, the author’s prose, if it could even be called that, is brutal. The excerpt above provides the amount of depth found in an “example conversation” in your 10th grade Spanish book.

Telling the story of the night they met when he was on the Falcons until the she ended things with him, there’s little of substance other than 160 pages of “men use love to get sex, women use sex to get love.”

A book about the leader and financier of a dog fighting ring, a star NFL quarterback, should not be boring. Quarterback Keeper is boring.

60 Comments

I Have Upset the Woman Who Wrote a Book About F-ing Michael Vick

Voila_Capture998I was unable to secure an interview with the stripper who wrote a book about fucking (v.) Michael Vick.

On Wednesday, I contacted Bella Escritor and requested an interview. I told her that I was interested in both the content in her book and in asking her some of the questions that have been raised about its legitimacy. I promised her that it would not be an ambush, and I meant it. She agreed, and we set a time to speak at 9 a.m. yesterday.

While I was conversing with her, I wrote a post about the book’s existence, cited Jimmy Kempski’s concerns about its legitimacy, made a joke or two, and commented on the book’s ludicrous shipping price and sketchy-looking website.

I then received this email from Escritor:

Better yet, just had a huge smile on my face while reading your article online.  Maybe you should do a little more homework and actually “read” the book before requesting an interview.  Maybe once your are fully informed, we can talk.  Until then, take care.

I responded, apologizing for what was admittedly an unfair joke about her pen name sounding like Ass Critter. I took it back. Taksies backsies. I talked Escritor off the ledge, too, and while she wouldn’t agree to an audio interview, she did send me a draft of the book in PDF form and said that she would consider an interview if I gave it a fair review.

I’m not in the book review business, nor did I have the time or want to read 153 pages, but I did spend a couple hours skimming the text yesterday, looking for the best parts and also trying to corroborate some details. In the ensuing post, I noted the reasons for skeptism, but also said that certain details checked out. In other words: I lent a tinge of credibility to her tale. I mentioned that it was a fairly easy read. I provided a link to purchase a copy. And I excerpted (with Escritor’s permission) the parts that I thought you, the reader, would find interesting.

Those were the sex parts.

Escritor no like:

hi. you did your story. any other use of the materials provided to you for any future stories are unapproved. You had my permission for that one story only.

And then on the Twitters:

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Now look, I hate it when I have to give strippers marketing lessons, but it seems I have no choice here. Let some singles linger on the stage before picking them up with your labia, it encourages people to throw more. You’re selling a book, a book that you wrote trying to capitalize on the success of someone for whom you claim to care. In that book, you wrote very lurid, explicit, totally unnecessary things about your time together. Those things were merely a fraction of the whole, but undoubtedly the most entertaining and ridiculous parts. A media outlet (let’s put big quotes around that) uses those excerpts with permission, and consequently, teases readers, who now, with interest piqued, may want to read more about a local athlete’s affair… in your book. They don’t care about a stripper’s love for a convict. Or a football player who fell in love with a stripper. They care about the sex and the trash-talking. And the Chick-fil-A biscuits. Those are the best excerpts, and the ones you should encourage more outlets to use.

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Donchathink?

138 Comments

And Now, Lurid Excerpts From a Stripper’s Book About Michael Vick

Voila_Capture998I’ve been trying to secure an interview with the former stripper who wrote a book about her romance with Michael Vick.

There’s a lede my eighth grade teacher can suck on.

She (the former stripper who goes by Bella Escritor, not my eighth grade teacher) requested that I read the book first, and provided me with a proof copy, a PDF, with which to do so.

That was my morning today.

Quarterback Keeper is a short book– roughly 153 pages of largish font and simple sentences. It reads fairly well, actually. It is a very descriptive account of how Escritor came to meet Vick, and their ensuing romance, which Escritor claims lasted until well into Vick’s time with the Eagles. There is a significant amount of skepticism surrounding the book, much of it stemming from Escritor’s seeming eagerness to capitalize on her relationship with Vick, the fact that no publishers wanted the book (she self-published) and that she wrote it under a pseudonym. But Kiana (real name) tells me that she simply wants to give her side of the story before someone involved writes an inaccurate account of her relationship with Vick. She says she is proud to be college educated “with a trade in nursing.” She cites her decision to write behind a pen name as evidence that she’s not looking for fame.

She was able to provide some evidence that she knew Vick to Jimmy Kempski of Philly.com, but didn’t offer up any of the photos she claims to have. A quick check of some of her accounts in the book, however, do check out:

She mentions staying at the Aloft hotel in Philly. Indeed, Vick and his foundation do have a relationship with the hotel. They held at least one event there, and it played host to Vick’s exclusive sit-down with Mike Missanelli in 2011.

She talked about a weekend in a Dallas hotel before a game against the Cowboys. She mentioned Vick cheering the success of the new quarterback of his old team the day of the game and then winning his game that night. In 2010, the Eagles did, in fact, play and win a Sunday Night game at Dallas, the same day Matt Ryan and the Falcons beat the Panthers.

There were other details, some football related, that seemed to be accurate. As someone who has detailed Vick’s on- and off- the field activities over the last few years, I can say that Escritor’s details and timeline were fairly tight. There was one part, though, where she mentioned receiving a call from Vick, when he was backing up Donovan McNabb, during halftime, which seems a bit strange.

Escritor writes that she traveled to many away games and would hang with Vick until curfew in the team hotel. When she couldn’t make it, his good luck charm was a naked picture of her, sent on Saturdays before games on Sundays. All the while, Vick was still with, engaged to, and eventually married his longtime girlfriend, Kijafa, who later found out about the affair, according to Escritor.

Anyway, you want the good parts. Here they are, with accompanying chapter titles: Continue reading

39 Comments

A Stripper Has Written a Book About Her Time with Michael Vick

Voila_Capture981Oh, fun.

Lots of people have tried to make money off of Michael Vick. His brother, Marcus, is probably the most notable. But now comes Bella Escritor (just me, or does that read Ass Critter to you?) – whose real name is Kiana – who has written a book in which she claims to have been Vick’s longtime lover and that she has pictures of his “bird.”

Jimmy Kempski of Philly.com weeded deep with this one and has obtained a draft of the book. In it:

- Vick’s sexual orientation (she says he’s straight).
– Sex parties at Vick’s home in which Vick and his secret lover would sneak around to other rooms and watch other couples having sex.
– An incident in which she cuddled a puppy, and Vick told her to stop it, because it would make the puppy “soft.” She surmised that the puppy was probably made to be one of the dogfighters.
– Vick’s relationship with a family member she only refers to as “Baby Brother.”

Delicious. The Marcus part sounds great, but consider my interest piqued in the Eyes Wide Shut thing where Vick, who married longtime girlfriend, Kijafa, in 2012, and Kiana watched other couples have sex. I mean, yeah, that sounds like just about every D-I college and professional athlete party ever… but still, I look forward to reading about Vick’s alleged involvement in voyeurism.

It sounds like Kiana is the woman who was trying to sell naked pictures of Vick a few years back. And there’s a lot of skepticism surrounding her book. Kempski spoke with Kiana and received some evidence that she knew Vick – letters and a Valentine’s Day card allegedly sent to her by Vick from prison – but no hard evidence, nor the photographs of Vick that she claims to have. Three publishers refused to publish the book – one because they thought it would open them up to a libel suit – so Kiana self-published and is selling her work at QuarterbackKeeper.com. It is available for $19.99, which means I probably have to business expense that shit even though I give it a 70% chance that I’ll never receive anything in the mail (the cheapest shipping is $9!):

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I’ve reached out to Kiana and requested an interview. I’ll let you know if I hear back. In the meantime, Kempski’s piece has more details, the best of which is this nugget about Donovan McNabb (EVERYONE HATES MCNABB!):

On Donovan McNabb:

“The only time I heard him speak on McNabb, it was as if McNabb wasn’t willing to share the field, at his position.”

The book refers to McNabb as “selfish.”

Poor Five.

19 Comments

There is a Ridiculous Article Shredding Michael Vick in The New York Times Today

Voila_Capture929I don’t particularly like Michael Vick, and certainly can’t stomach what he did some time ago, but I think that, at this point, besides the occasional joke and pun, we really need to move on from flogging him for actions for which he’s paid.

But nope. Not in the New York Times. Juliet Macur with an absolutely brutal, uncalled for, piece on Vick, the Eagles and sports in general. An excerpt:

Teams evaluating Vick should think about those horrors before offering him a chance to wear their jersey. They should say, “Can’t we give our fans someone better to cheer for?” Fans should demand someone better.

The Eagles didn’t. Instead of passing on Vick when he was released from prison and perhaps forcing him to play in the Canadian league or having him work his way back up, the Eagles immediately chose to reward him with a two-year contract, paying him $1.6 million the first year, then $5.2 million. By 2011, he had a six-year, $100 million contract.

The cast of characters in Saturday’s game was a reminder of just how generous the league is with its ridiculous offers of second chances, like Vick’s.

Eagles wide receiver Riley Cooper made racist remarks about African-Americans — on a team filled with African-Americans — and still ended up starting in the playoffs, the recipient of roaring cheers.

Saints Coach Sean Payton was suspended last year for a bounty program in which players were paid to inflict serious injuries on their opponents, and still he was hailed for ushering the Saints to their first ever road playoff win.

I can say, almost unequivocally, that this person hates sports and, possibly, men. None of these actions – not Vick’s, not Cooper’s, not Payton’s – should be celebrated. But, there was almost no reason, no trigger, to bring them up. Macur simply used Vick’s free agency to rail on him and people and things barely related to him. She also went into great detail on the unspeakable crimes he admitted to. It’s hard to read, and made me, someone who doesn’t squirm at much, a little bit queasy.

Vick told me on Saturday that he had grown up since serving time in prison and had done a lot to redeem himself in the eyes of the public.

“I’ve changed in so many ways, so many — why don’t you write that?” he told me as he walked off from his locker, leaving behind a few shirts, cocoa butter lotion, a bottle of baby oil and green shower shoes.

I’m still searching for the reason why this was written, now.

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