This play is a perfect microcosm of Chase Utley– somewhat deficient in certain areas, but makes up for it with spectacular play and flair for the dramatic.
Due to a global shipping issue. Way to not make it sound like total BS. It sounds like the Hanjin shipping issue.
Chooch never fails to be adorable.
Fun fact about the headline pun: That song makes Tim Tebow feel very uncomfortable.
According to Adam Schefter’s first ever baseball scoop, the New York Mets have signed Tim Tebow to a minor league deal. Tebow’s career will begin with the Mets’ instructional league team in Port St. Lucie, Florida, where Tebow will presumably learn how to play baseball. The Mets announced the deal by making everyone incredibly uncomfortable:
I’m not a regular youth pastor. I’m a cool youth pastor.
It’s actually a very Mets move. Tebow hasn’t played organized baseball since 2005, but he’s been training since…June. So, you know, he’s basically Miguel Cabrera. Plus, the Mets needed to hit their quota of one person in the organization that makes their fans uncomfortable, and since everyone rocking the blue pinstripes is just totally cool with Jose Reyes, Tebow kneeling will have to be the conduit.
But let’s not let our boredom of Tebow and end-of-the-year baseball fatigue get in the way here. I’ll say this: AAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH THE METS SIGNED TIM TEBOW. Will they pay him for the next 40 years too? I sent out a feeler text to my biggest Mets fan friend. A message of “lol Tebow” was met with a response of “Whatever.” Typical Mets fan ennui.
Zack Hample, for those of you who don’t know, is the self-appointed savior of baseball and fun. He goes to every game he can and tries to catch every foul ball/home run/BP hit/player toss into the stands. He will then give some of the balls to kids at the end of the game. Then, he’ll talk about it until the end of the world, to make sure you know how noble and nice and amazing he is.
Hample is a jackass at best, a narcissistic cancer in the stands at worst. He allowed his own ego to blind him to legitimate issues with using the Fort Bragg game, saved for soliders and their families, to further his bullshit. He even made most logical people side with Marlins Man, a walking highlighter of self-obsession.
In the gif above – taken from the video – Hample rushes and takes a ball from a guy the ball actually struck, as it fell under his seat. No one else was rushing for the ball – because no one cared, and also because it hit the dude – but Hample doesn’t care. Yet in his blog post he turned his victim complex up to 11:
Somehow this guy found me later on Twitter and accused me of “stealing” the ball from him. Maybe he got pissed when I celebrated?
Seriously, though, he didn’t seem the least bit bothered at the time, and anyway, there’s no rule that grants ownership just because a ball happens to land on your seat. Fans regularly scramble for baseballs, sometimes to the point of engaging in aggressive Tug Of War matches. I never get involved with crap like that, and as you can see, there’s video evidence to prove that I didn’t “steal” this one. (I should travel with a videographer all the time, huh? It would certainly help disprove false accusations.)
What’s the saying? If everyone around you seems to be going crazy, maybe you’re actually losing your mind, something like that? If everyone around Zack Hample is accusing him of being an asshole and he sees himself as the victim, they’re probably right and he’s probably wrong.
Look at Hample’s reaction to a woman catching a ball earlier in the game. She’s very happy. He’s experienced this feeling, by his own claim, 9,189 times. Yet, he’s still got a whiny little shit look on his face. Why? Because now he won’t be able to use that ball to further boost his own ego.
In his blog post he says he talked to her about catching the ball, but can’t let the tidbit go by without patting himself on the back:
It was a sweet grab, and I congratulated her on it. She told me that she plays softball and that it was no big deal. Her name is Lexi, and she actually recognized me from YouTube.
Oh, she recognized you? Did she recognize you as “foul ball guy” and laugh at you like other people do?
Watch this: Continue Reading
I’m assuming someone else wrote this on behalf of Chooch since the Phillies were off yesterday and in New York today (unless he worked out at Citi Field yesterday before being traded). Whatever the case, this is exactly how I imagined Chooch would give his farewell– through adorable whiteboard message:
Gracias to you, too.
Together, we so sad.