Completely Uneducated NHL Playoff Predictions

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I honestly sat here and typed up some non educated picks, and
due to my lack of NHL knowledge I tried to do my “Old lady that doesn’t watch
sports at the office who wins every football pool” impression, but that was
boring.  So what I decided to do was take
a different method, and combine methods actually used by many non-educated
sports fans as they gamble on a sport they know nothing about, just to feed
that gambling urge, or to have a little fun.  More after the jump.

 We will start in the
east:

 Caps vs.
Canadians:
The Capitals play in the nation’s capital, have red white
and blue jerseys, while the Canadians play in Canada, and have red white and blue
jerseys… Caps Win

 Devils vs. Flyers:
In a Jersey battle, I’d have to take the Flyers,
but I don’t know if it’s a big enough advantage to overtake the fact that they
are playing Devils… Devils win

 Sabres vs. Bruins:
I know a Bruin is a bear, but why not just be called the Bears? So I used a fancy new invention called the dictionary, and “bruin” has many definitions, none
of which show me they can beat a bison equipped with swords… Sabres Win

 Penguins vs.
Senators:
This is a tough one obviously it’s not wise to pick against
the champs in the first round, but this is an uneducated selection process…
Penguins are good at being cute and carrying eggs on their feet, the Senators have
3 players in the hall of fame named “King Clancy”, “Punch Broadbent”, and “Fred
‘Cyclone’ Taylor” that alone makes me have to pick them… Senators Win.

 Now to the west:

 Sharks vs.
Avalanche:
Please, what would a shark be doing near snow? Also I have
never heard of “Avalanche Week”… Sharks win

 Blackhawks vs.
Predators:
Blackhawks = Indians = Ultimate predator, another easy pick… Blackhawks win.

Canucks vs. Kings:
Without offending anyone (and believe me, I'd love to) I have been to Quebec, and Canuck means “French Canadian” and Quebec is filled with
those.  Needless to say I have never
enjoyed the people in Quebec
Kings win

Coyotes vs Red
Wings:
Now I know Detroit is Hockey Town USA,
but this game is in the desert, Coyotes own the desert… Coyotes Win.

 Off to round 2:

Thanks to re-seeding we are left with the following 4
matchups.

Sharks vs. Kings:
A shark would easily defeat a king, if said king was dumb enough to find himself in
shark infested water, but being that a King would have enough resources to
mount a large attack against a shark without ever leaving his castle… Kings win

Blackhawks vs.
Coyotes:
Im fairly sure the Indians used to eat Coyote omelets so no
contest… Blackhawks win.

Capitals vs.
Senators:
The East is making this tough, but this is basically USA vs Canada, and I can’t take Canada… Caps
Win

Sabres vs. Devils:
Again, Sabres have swords; devils have hellfire and brimstone… Devils win.

Conference Finals:

Blackhawks vs.
Kings:
Another tough one, but using my shark theory the king could send
all his people to dispose of the Blackhawks, but I think the Blackhawks just
know too much, have experience against large numbers, and could easily avoid the attacks and get to the King… Blackhawks win.

Capitals vs.
Devils:
Can anyone beat a Devil? Let alone a team filled with them? Playing
in the nation’s capital the Caps have plenty of support from Wizards and Teddy
Roosevelt, but I still don’t think its enough… Devils win.

Stanley Cup Finals:

Blackhawks vs.
Devils:
If this was a 1 game final it would be hard to go against the Devils,
but using my Kings vs Blackhawks theory the Blackhawks have been around the
block, they know everything about everything, maybe not about devils, but
they would eventually figure a way to defeat them… Blackhawks in 7

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