Lauren Liberati has some tips for all the bandwagon jumpers out there.

For seasoned Phillies fans, few moments are more exciting than pushing through that gleaming turnstile after scanning your Opening Day ticket.

Tip #1: Please scan with the bar code right side up and facing the device. Don't be the douche who needs an instructional on using ticket readers.

It's easy to get caught up in the sights, sounds, and smells of Citizen's Bank Park.

Tip #2: It should take approximately 3-5 seconds to decide whether or not you want to take a Phan Photo. Do not obstruct the entrance for the influx of patrons. If you do, expect to get plowed in the back by a mother toting her three children and a cozy cooler.

The Phils will be facing off against the Washington Nationals. This should be a hometown victory for our boys.

Tip #3: Even though we invaded their turf, don't expect to see half as many Nats fan at CBP. If you spot a few stragglers, try to be nice. We have a shining legacy of wins and the coolest mascot on Earth. They have dead presidents with oversized heads galloping around their field.

There's plenty of concessions and beer on every level. Plus, the gems at the ballpark have been gracious enough to allow fans to bring their own food and non-alcoholic drinks.

Tip #4: Those guys at the gate hate opened beverage containers. Control your thirst until you gain admittance or find your water bottle another tragic casualty in the outside trash receptacle.

At the beginning of every game, they will play the obligatory "Ball Girls Recite the Rules and Regulations" segment.

Tip #5: The moral of the story: If you act like an a-hole, You. Will. Be. Ejected.

With closer seats, you have the fortune of being within earshot of the players.

Tip #6: If you're going to yell something, whether it be the opponents or the hometown boys, make it count. The players know their names so shouting "Shaaaaane" repeatedly is unnecessary. You can, however, take a page from my book and shoot several angles of players' butts with your digital camera.

Raaaul Dobber 
When the Phanatic makes his entrace in the 7th inning, an array of heckling and animated gestures will come with him.

Tip #7: Please divide your attention between the game and the green guy. If you don't see him hump the air with his big belly at least once, you have not experienced the full mascot repetoire.


If it's any typical game (especially versus Washington), the Phillies are going to score some exciting runs.

Tip #8: Don't just sit there! Get up, cheer, clap, or exchange high fives with the drunken dumbass in your seating zone. There's at least 8 in every section.

When the game is over, you'll hear Harry Kalas' voice beaming over the speakers with a nostalgic version of High Hopes.

Tip #9 Feel free to sing every word audibly, regardless of your inability to carry a tune in a bucket. We miss you, Harry!