With the NFL Draft AND the Phillies game on tonight, it got Mike thinking… what if the Phillies fielded a football team?
I got bored, I couldn’t fall asleep… I was sitting here
reading through every mock draft, scouting report, and post on the NFL
draft. I just watched Halladay mow
through the Braves like I mow through anything deep fried, and I said to myself, “I bet he’d even make a good QB”. So all
of a sudden I found myself thinking of what former (from my time)/current
Phillies I would create a football team with, so welcome to the bowl full of
nonsense I call my brain.
Coach: Larry Bowa/Darren Daulton. I would love to take Charlie, but in the NFL you need a guy thats fired up, all the time… Bowa is fired up… all the time and would be a perfect coach. Dutch would be there solely for the pre-and-post-game interviews, and to tell players if they don't tackle a giant snake will take them to mars and turn them into armadillos… that type of stuff.
Linebackers: Dave Hollins, Vincente Padilla, Ugeth
Urbina. Dave Hollins has forearms thicker
than the Phanatic’s Waistline, Padilla is an absolute maniac and sweats and
yells like my dad watching an Eagles game, Ugeth punched teammates, carried a
machete, and attempted to light people on fire… The offense’s backfield would
be soaked with urine before each snap.
Safeties: Jayson Werth, Chase Utley. You need fire at safety and these 2 guys
would bring more fire to this city than Wilson Goode in 1985. You know both of these guys will be able to
tackle, you know they will be able to cover, and you know they’d deliver
Dawkins-type pregame speeches.
Cornerbacks: Mariano Duncan, Michael Bourn, Marlon
Anderson. Duncan Doesn’t have Bourn’s
speed but, he’s 6’0 and has decent speed, with Jayson and Chase back there with
them I think they could play a decent cover 2, Bourn could cover any WR in the
NFL, and Marlon would be a great nickel-back… no, not a horrifyingly bad rock
Defensive Line: Dale
Murphy, Pat Burrell, Matt Stairs, Todd Pratt.
Not only the most handsome line you have ever seen, but with Murph and
Pat the Bat playing the end position, the 2 bull-rushing DE’s would have a
field day on the quarterback. Matty and
Pratty would get plenty of push up the middle and would be very solid against
Scott Rolen, Roy Halladay. It’s hard not to put Halladay as the number 1, but
Scotty Roll-Bones has a cannon, and has the size to be successful at the QB
position, he is also good at tantrums which can’t hurt. Halladay has to be at a position where he
touches the ball every play, so when Rolen hurts his shoulder, Roy can win the
city a Super Bowl.
Lenny Dykstra, Jimmy Rollins, Sal Fasano.
I had to put Sal on this team, and to me he would be a fantastic FB and
would open holes all day, every day. Nails
was born to be an NFL running back, those stocky legs and high motor make him a
Maurice Jones-Drew Clone. J-Roll would
be a perfect change of pace / Brian Westbrook type back with a dose of scrappy
Doug Glanville, Mickey Morandini, Ryan Madson, Cole Hamels. Doug Glanville has a Penn degree, so he would
pick up the playbook quickly and would be the number #1 WR, Mad Dog provides size on the other end,
where Mickey would be a fantastic slot WR, I’m torn on Cole, I feel he would be
a good WR but would be afraid to go across the middle.
Tight Ends: Wes
Chamberlain, Bobby Abreu. Here Wes would
be the primary blocking TE, he lacks the wheels of Bobby who would be the next
Tony Gonzalez… as long as there were no walls in the way, or any passes he had
to dive for.
Ben Rivera, John Kruk, Pete Incaviglia , Ryan Howard. Honestly, this could be the best baseball
offensive line of all time, you put Howard, and Big Ben on the outside. Kruk and Inky on the inside, Nails and J-Roll
run for 1200 yards a piece.
Punt/Kick Returner: Shane
Victorino. For some reason I just see Shane as being a perfect return man, he
certainly has the speed and I picture him having one hell of a juke, and could
run though special teams like he runs through the ladies (allegedly).
Kicker: Jim Eisenreich. I had to find a way to get Eisey on the team, lets not beat around the bush here… the reactions when he makes or misses every kick would be worth the price of admission, and would make him a perfect kicker.
So there you have it, if the NFL needs replacement players I just gave Banner, Lurie, and Reid all they need to fill a team up with superstars. Hell, play along, add your own, tell me who i missed, tell me whos playing the wrong position, you can even call me an idiot for making Scott Rolen our starting QB.