Eagles Acknowledge Lack of Talent, Suck-up to Fans

The Eagles made a big announcement yesterday at 3 PM.  Nope, they didn't cut Michael Vick or do something relevant, they kissed the collective ass of their fan base by announcing that season-ticket holders, instead of players, will grace the front of tickets this season.  

And you know you have no star power when?

DeSean Jackson is the only player who you can truly consider "notable" going into a season sans Wesbrook and McNabb.  Something tells me the Eagles don't consider Jackson a good face for the organization.

Can't imagine why.

So now we get the real heart and soul (not so sure about the brains part) of the team on the tickets- guys who run into burning houses to save their ticket strips and who paint their neighbor's roofs Eagles green for overhead planes.  Although, I'm pretty sure bar-codes and FAA regulated flight levels render both of those tasks useless.

Fly Eagles, fly.  Just not too high, or else you won't see Bob's neighbor's roof.

They also announced Don Tollefson and Hugh Douglas will host an in-game halftime show at the Linc.  You thought Tolly was annoying on TV, imagine his voice boomed across a 70,000 seat stadium.  Fuck.

Related news- Crossing Broad editor buys military grade earplugs to wear to Eagles games, still not emblazoned on ticket.


2 Responses

  1. It’s funny, I need a new jersey now that 5 is gone, but I can’t think of a single name on this team who’s jersey I’d want to wear. Kolb? Too soon. Trent Cole? Yawn. Shady? Meh. D-jack? Probably him by default, but the way I see the Eagles handling his situation, he won’t be around for too long.

  2. Well no guarantee anyone will be here 3 years from now, so tough to make the investment unless you get the irregular ones from K-Mart or something. I swear a lot of Asante Samuel jerseys sold the last 2 years just because of his contract people knew he’d be here at least 4 years no matter how he played.

Comments are closed.