Consider this a travelers' guide to the city of Pittsburgh. This was posted last July after a trip to see the Phillies play the Pirates over 4th of July weekend.


We took a little road trip to Pittsburgh, along with a ton of other Phillies fans, for the 4th of July Weekend series.  Our advice? 

Do go to Pittsburgh if you: want to see a beautiful baseball stadium and have an unhealthy appreciation of Roberto Clemente.

Don't go to Pittsburgh if you don't want to: be harassed by fans of other sports, watch grown men walk around the city with tails, experience the plight of society, or have fans throw up on you on 90 degree days.


That's a tail



Not even Jeff Carter…

We get a bad rap here in Philly, but our two days in Pittsburgh were anything but pleasant.

Upon stepping out of the cab into a tourist attraction, we were greeted by a Penguins fan who yelled mockingly, "Let's go Phillies!  Win a cup."

Nevermind that those two things don't go together, we were left trying to figure out why a fan of a team that was bounced from the playoffs would be making fun of fans of a team that is only located in the same city as a team that went to the Finals, and whose baseball team (the team we were there to see) recently won a World Series, all while their baseball team just set a record with 17 straight losing seasons.  Head hurt yet?  Yeah, ours were too.

When we walked inside?  More Penguins fans.

"Suck it."

We are wearing our Phillies shirts, right?


"Screw the Flyers." [points to $8 Stanley Cup Champions T-Shirt]

If there's one thing Pittsburghians like, it's washing their feet in fountains.  If there's another, it's hockey.  Either way, they clearly don't like the Flyers.  But then again, if you were PA's ugly step-child, you would have a bit of an inferiority complex too.  I mean, most Philadelphians do have most of their teeth.

Beyond that, every person in Pittsburgh has either a mustache or goatee, is morbidly obese, or has a tattoo.  I dare you to prove me wrong.

It got better at the game.

It was a lovely Sunday afternoon, albeit a little warm, and we had great seats on the first base line, just 11 rows back.  The first inning and a half was nice, until a drunk Pittsburgh couple sat two rows behind us. The female in this unharmonic union kept declaring how hot her "buns" were on the plastic seat.  Please shut up.

Then she puked… right on the back of a Phillie fan's seat.  And they say Pukemons only habit in Philadelphia…  Perhaps her unruly actions were only surpassed in white-trashiness by her boyfriend's refusal to leave the game once she was sent to the bathroom. 

"She can leave, I'm staying."

You stay classy, Pittsburgh boyfriend.

The city itself was about as exciting as an over-the-pants-hand-job, with a few frills on the outskirts [South Side], but the downtown area was just grimy, generally rubbed you the wrong way, and left you feeling like you needed a shower.

The stadium, however, was very nice.  You walk across- get ready- Roberto Clemente bridge and essentially right into the outfield gate.  Other than the token homeless sax player telling my camera carrying friend that he was "a paparazzo who would never work for Sports Illustrated" (???), the walk over Roberto's riser was pleasant.  Upon entering you are met with- wait for it- a Roberto Clemente statue.

The park has great sight lines of downturn 'Burgh, which is like the Marla Hooch of cities- better from a distance, ugly up close.  

Their mascot is an annoying parrot that spends way too much time in the stands and doesn't subscribe to the "less is more" philosophy.

Nothing too earth shattering in the way of ballpark eats.  Their ex-player-outfield-grill was just average, and Michelob Ultra seemed to be the beer of choice.


Of course, you could get an Andrew McCutchen shirsey.  He's their Chase Utley (the Pittsburgh Pirates aren't very good).

The Pirates took 3 out of 4 in the series, so maybe the joke was on us, but at least we got to leave when the weekend was over.