Ugly Girl At The Prom (an ode to a Mets fan)

Gino Ferretti is a contributor to Crossing Broad.  You can find this, and more of his work,  You can also follow him on Twitter (@woodercooler).

You stormed up never ending steps when it got bad, dodging the hell of taunts and jeers.  Obscenities growled and mustard packets hurled.

You know they're talking about you.

Even though they're wrong because your last name ain't Wright.  It's becoming deafening.  You're reminded why you despise this place: battery tossers, vomit slingers, taser chasers.  A prom of hooligans and you are the bitch no one wants to dance with.

You wonder why you still come here.  Series after series, year after year. Depositing your ass into The Bank that rejects you.  You ask for an acceptance loan, but your credit's bad.  In fact it sucks.  It says so on the dude's shirt to your right, the chick's shirt behind you, across from you.  Fifty rows above you.  All over.

You stare into the sea of red as the scoreboard floats by your sight.  You look for rescue, abandoning reality for a memory.  Of when it was good, amazin' to be exact.


Gooden, Strawberry, Buckner's five hole.  Before the collapse.  The choke on William Penn's throbbing jubilation. The 7 game lead with 17 left.

Snap back to reality.

Friday night's scoreboard lit up like an aurora borealis.  One run, two run, three run, four.  Cheers, but not for you.

You gaze up toward center field.  No apple, only a bell- hells bell.  With a crack and its waving at you. Back and forth, ding dong.  Ding dong.  Is it calling your name?  Yes you, ding dong. The guy next to you, his name is Pat.  He says you look like a blonde John Kruk, a "parade float in that jersey, cuz."  So you try to fit in, the elephant in the room ordering IPA's.  Intoxicating your breath with crab fries.  But they see you, all blue in the face.  The jersey, the jeans.  You are a Mets fan, and CSN embarrassed  you.  All.  Fucking.  Weekend.


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12 Responses

  1. This is a very creative piece. Well done!I’m sure being on tv was the last thing this guy wanted. You have to feel bad for him like you did for the ugly girl at the prom.

  2. @ barb: you don’t have to feel bad for him. He is a mets fan. That is reason enough to not feel bad for him. Would that mets fan had felt bad for you if the mets crushed the phils? Hell no.

  3. Gino,
    You really should not steal pics from the other Philadelphia sports blog. (I’ll refrain from using the name to prevent free advertising). They have that exact same fan on there before you posted. That’s the kinda shit that’s going to get you, Kyle Scott, and CB in trouble.

  4. This was a public picture shown to me on a public social network. I don’t give a good god damn about anyone else’s philly sports blogs. If others used it, then it’s sheer coincidence. I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings. Either you are jealous of how i used the picture in the creative sense I used it, or you are a Mets fan, either way, I’m not sure i care about the internet police.

  5. Eddie, i rarely post something bc I saw it in the “other” blog, when I do I’ll give them credit. This was a rather popular takeaway from the game and Gino did a good job having some fin with.

  6. Those stinkin Mets Fans come into our stadium and some of them get real good seats. It is annoying but at least when we kick their butts they have to shut their big mouths.

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