If there is one thing I want for Christmas, it is an official Red Ryder carbine-action 200-shot range model air rifle with a compass in the stock and this thing which tells time.  If there is another, it's probably a bootlegged DVD of Black Swan.  

Somewhere far down on that list is listening to Chris Wheeler's mid-winter bloviation at this year's J. Wood Platt Caddie Brunch on December 18 at Commonwealth National Golf Club.

But you know what, and I can't believe I'm about to say this, Wheels is actually damn entertaining off mic.  It's a Christmas Miracle, Scoob.

Wheeler questioned the Nationals' decision to sign Jayson Werth, the Phillies outfield, and even how Ed Snier pocketed all of the parking money in 2001.  We're calling it  Wheels Uncut, or Untoup'd, if you will.

We wanted to bring Jayson Werth back here.  I know all the women did.  You know there's something about Jayson Werth- there's some women always say, they like the nice guys and the smart guys.  They like the bad boys.  And he kind of looked like the bad boy out there.

He was one of those players that you didn't want to lose, but seven years?  All of you are in business, and I don't think any of you think that was a good signing for the Washington Nationals.  I think we had to move on. Who's going to play right field?  I have no idea.  In fact, I've been telling everybody wherever I go, I can't wait until this time next year to find out what we're going to do with this outfield, because it's a mess right now.

We didn't have the revenues in 2001.  The lease was horrendous, the concession deal was horrendous, every cent you paid for parking went to Ed Snider.  God bless Ed Snider, but we weren't getting any of it.

You know what Dream Week is?  You pay four grand to pull a hamstring.

I do the radio show with Charlie right now, and of course Charlie has his own language.  We'll get finished that show some night and he'll go "How'd I do?"  Thinking, "You did good, Charlie."  In the back of my mind I'm saying "Man I got to edit that baby upstairs."  I got to fix something there, because he just put a "hell" in there or a "damn." Sometimes you leave stuff in like… he has that wonderful word that he uses, flustrated. And that's a combination of two words, and we know what it is when a player gets a little flustrated.


If you have 10 minutes to spare, great watch after the jump.

This is part two of three.  Parts one and three.