Flyers

Something is Wrong with the Phantoms’ New Mascot and Patrick Kane at a Philly Cheesesteak Joint

By Kyle Scott

Published: Jan 27th, 2011 · 2:39 PM EST

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And you thought we wouldn't find creative ways to work Michael Leighton into a post. Watch and learn, my friends, watch and learn.

That there is the Phantoms' new mascot, Dax, who was unveiled today via Twitter [seen here, scaring the shit out of children]. There is something wrong with him.

Honest to God, it looks like the Philly Phanatic raped the San Diego Chicken, and out popped this thing- you can't cross breed that shit, yo.

His eyes, they are sunken in, crossed, and I'm pretty sure different sizes. His teeth, they are snaggled. His hands, they are green. Neon green. But I have to admit, his slippers look fairly comfortable. 

It's also pretty clear he's got his father's (Phanatic, I think) waistline and his mother's skin tone. And I suppose Dax is fitting for a team that is 14-28-2, playing in upstate New York, and has Michael Leighton as it's goalie.

One question though: What the hell was wrong with Phlex?

Meanwhile, in Madison, Wisconsin, our friend Kurt from Big Red's Steaks (a Philly cheesesteak joint) sent along this photo of a few recent visitors:

Anyone look familiar? That there on the right, wearing a Yankees cap, is Patrick Kane. He's pictured with AHLer Jack Skille (great name) and Kurt's business partner, Big Red. You can probably guess which one he is.

Kurt, who refused to be photographed with Kane, said he was a pretty cool kid and didn't rub it in too bad. Kane "loves Philly fans" and said the cheesesteak rivals any food in Chicago. Thanks, Pat.

My thoughts? I think Patrick Kane is cabbie beating prick who wouldn't be half as famous as he is if he didn't slip a puck between Michael Leighton's Saturday Night Special legs. Just my two cents.

And that is how you work Michael Leighton into a post.