Something is Wrong with the Phantoms’ New Mascot and Patrick Kane at a Philly Cheesesteak Joint

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And you thought we wouldn't find creative ways to work Michael Leighton into a post. Watch and learn, my friends, watch and learn.

That there is the Phantoms' new mascot, Dax, who was unveiled today via Twitter [seen here, scaring the shit out of children]. There is something wrong with him.

Honest to God, it looks like the Philly Phanatic raped the San Diego Chicken, and out popped this thing- you can't cross breed that shit, yo.

His eyes, they are sunken in, crossed, and I'm pretty sure different sizes. His teeth, they are snaggled. His hands, they are green. Neon green. But I have to admit, his slippers look fairly comfortable. 

It's also pretty clear he's got his father's (Phanatic, I think) waistline and his mother's skin tone. And I suppose Dax is fitting for a team that is 14-28-2, playing in upstate New York, and has Michael Leighton as it's goalie.

One question though: What the hell was wrong with Phlex?

Meanwhile, in Madison, Wisconsin, our friend Kurt from Big Red's Steaks (a Philly cheesesteak joint) sent along this photo of a few recent visitors:

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Anyone look familiar? That there on the right, wearing a Yankees cap, is Patrick Kane. He's pictured with AHLer Jack Skille (great name) and Kurt's business partner, Big Red. You can probably guess which one he is.

Kurt, who refused to be photographed with Kane, said he was a pretty cool kid and didn't rub it in too bad. Kane "loves Philly fans" and said the cheesesteak rivals any food in Chicago. Thanks, Pat.

My thoughts? I think Patrick Kane is cabbie beating prick who wouldn't be half as famous as he is if he didn't slip a puck between Michael Leighton's Saturday Night Special legs. Just my two cents.

And that is how you work Michael Leighton into a post.

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15 Responses

  1. I’m fine with it, as long as the post doesn’t begin with, “And Michael Leighton started in goal for the Flyers last night.”

  2. Oh how the Phantoms have fallen.. I remember going to the games as a kid and actually being excited about it. And Phlex was one of the coolest mascots, he was like a hockey superhero.. What were they thinking?

  3. Yea Phlex was cool, I couldn’t remember his name! What the hell is that? They should put that yankee hat on it and set it on fire!

  4. why is no one punching pat kane in the face? hes got a yankee cap on and he killed our parade hopes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  5. Patrick Kane was a beast in the Olympics causing him to be a household name way before Michael Leighton smashed our parade hopes.

  6. your view of patrick kane is almost as retarded as the phantoms new mascot, patrick kane was an olympian and was is the best player of his draft class, and has been one of the top scorers for the hawks since he got to the nhl. him scoring that goal didn’t make him a star, being a great player for the past 3 years and playing in the olympics for team USA did.

  7. If you have not had a Big Red’s Cheese Steak, then you really have not had a cheese steak. They are the best and I grew up in Philly.

  8. I’ll bet that Patticakes there didn’t skimp 20 pence off the cheesecake bill because Big Red there woulda shorn the rest of his Vanilla Ice sideburns with his bare teeth and spit the trimmings into that nancy-boy’s goofy mug.

  9. You must not know a lot about hockey. Probably started watching last year. If you think Kane is only famous because of a goal in the playoffs you’re kind of dumb.

  10. all they had to do was put a 6’2 guy into the phlex costume as opposed to a 15 yr old kid and it would have worked–a ray gun or lazer out of the eyes would have been cool also.

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