Shut Up Wheels: Fear of Roller Coasters


Ah yes, spring is in the air. The sweet smell of flowers in bloom, the playful way that the ladies tease us with their short skirts as if to say "There's more, but you have to buy me a Cherry-Chocoolate Gelati first", and the sound of an annoying announcer explaining to us his fear of roller coasters and the new baseball terms he learned this winter.

That's right, folks. Shut Up Wheels is back.

It seems everyone's favorite broadcaster, Chris Wheeler, has learned some choice phrases this offseason. We can now look forward to lengthy discussions ramblings about "lifting and separating" and "ambushing a pitcher." That second term essentially means that batters swing at first-pitch strikes. But Wheels will explain that to you every time someone gets a first-pitch hit off one of the Four Aces. Ah spring.

These are just two of the terms we will include in our live-blog drinking game this year: Going Middle-In with Wheels. More on that soon.

For now, you can listen to Wheels discuss his fear of roller coasters… after the jump.

Taking suggestions in our comments sections for terms to include in the drinking game- already have middle-in (obvs), away away away (3 swigs), good lookin' young player (chug), ambush (one, quick swig, duh), lift and separate (pour it in), goofy (from the side), no doubles defense (two swigs), etc.

Hop it.




32 Responses

  1. Why the fuck is this dope still our color guy? Hes so old school, and I mean that in the worst way possible! When will the Phillies realize this?

  2. Wheels always has and always will talk about stupid shit that noone wants to hear about, Sarge is good for that too though. As Phillies fans we were just spoiled for soooo long having Harry Kalas (the best announcer of all time) as our announcer. Now that were stuck with Wheels and Sarge we hate it, but it could be wayyyyyy worse. we could have Joe Buck HAHA!

  3. @Pam -you are right–it could be worse–we could have Joe Buck. But after the Santa Claus incident, throwing batteries at JD Drew, Joe Buck would probably get lynched by the 2nd inning!

  4. Buck is actually a good commentator somewhat he is just really biased against philly teams. if he wasnt biased and always hatin on philly teams id have no problem with him as a commentator

  5. Is this to be played in place of or in addition to the drinking game for TMac’s idiotisms?
    “He’s a guy the Phillies saw a lot of . . .” isn’t a bad option, particularly when talking about left handed relief pitchers that came in to face us in late inning ball games.

  6. Saw the wheels glossary, good stuff. Still missing some though, think we need more.

  7. Joe Buck is not nearly as biased as we think he is. He really is pretty impartial. It’s just his smug demeanor we can’t stand. And it’s why pretty much everybody, everywhere can’t stand him. Not to mention we tend not to like people who only get where they are, because of how they are born. I just wish that stuck when it came to the second George Bush…

  8. He’s a fastball hitter. (Yeah. Because no other hitter likes them. Oh, that Doug Ziffleman, throw him nothing but fastballs. He cant hit’em.)

  9. that pitcher has a herky jerky motion….worst I ever heard. I wanted to smash my tv.

  10. Could we get a fund going to buy Wheels some decongestant/antihistamine? I really don’t care what he says, but the constant sniffing drives me nuts.

  11. You can do a shot per each “rock around the cock” botch.
    Maybe make a mark zumoff rule for gayness ie his use of “stroking” which is just obscene. Perhaps you can eat a whip cream covered hot dog.

  12. So you saw the Chris Wheeler Glossary, but you decided to rip it off without giving any credit? Boy you’re sure living up to your reputation as an unoriginal piece of shit.

  13. actually, i’m fairly certain most of the terms we listed above weren’t on the chris wheeler glossary, because it looks like it hasn’t been updated in three years.

  14. Anyone here him say “What a sac” when Kendrick laid a bunt down on Saturday? I hope 97.5 jumps on this one.

  15. Comming back from commercial: “What a weird game this has been”…then reads box score.

  16. according to wheels, every fly ball has a lot of top spin. and lightly thrown breaking balls are little spinners.

  17. I hate Wheels just as much as the next guy but can I just say the fact that I can bitch about him means baseball is here… that good feeling will last till the 5th “middle-in” or until I listen to the first “ambush” call cause that’s just stupid.

  18. It is awesome seeing this on here, since I am going to take at least partial credit since I tweeted you about it this weekend.
    Have to add “back-foot breaking ball”

  19. my dad and i have been playing our own very similar version to the drinking game for some time now. its not just wheels though, t-mac is in it too. a chuckle from mccarthy and “and the side…iiiiiiiiiiiis retired” both call for swigs

  20. Yeah, I guess if you “found something on the Internet” then you don’t have to give any credit. And more than a couple of your terms are in the Chris Wheeler Glossary. Why is it so hard for you to acknowledge when you spin something off?

  21. I fucking hate Chris Wheeler soooooo much. He sniffs into the microphone CONSTANTLY!! Thank you Lynniemac. I’m glad I’m not the only one who hates him because of this. i could see if he had a cold or something, but he’s been doing this for OVER 20 YEARS. It’s unprofessional! It makes me want to jump through the TV and punch his nose down his throat. I HATE YOU CHRIS WHEELER. You’re the reason I have a receiver with an AM antenna in my living room. No Wheels for me EVER AGAIN!

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