Let’s Make Fun of the Mets and Nats

Werth_nationals
There comes a time in a man’s life week when he just wants to take a moment to pause, reflect, and make fun of the New York Mets and Washington Nationals. It is that time.

Last year, we told you that the Mets were on the hook to pay Bobby Bonilla $1.2 million a year for the next 25 years. That is a fact. Know it, love it, take joy in it. But now comes this from an article on CNN.com about just how bad off the Metropolitans are: Not only are they paying Bonilla for services performed years ago, they are also on the hook to pay Bret Saberhagen, who left the team in 1995, $250,000 a year for the next 18 years, through 2029. The government may still be fighting over birth certificates, earth may be gone, and Darren Daulton may be lying ass up on a table in a spaceship, but the Mets will still be paying Bonilla and Saberhagan.

It gets better.

It turns out that, to prospective buyers, the Mets’ debt is closer to $625 million than it is the the reported $430 million. One contributing factor to that increase in brokedness (word?) is the fact that the Mets are seeing an 11% decline in attendance, meaning they are likely to lose about $70 million in 2011. And probably a lot of games, too.

The Amazin’ Mets, folks.

Meanwhile, in the nation’s capital, Jayson Werth is raking. No he’s not.

Thus far in 2011, Werth is batting .233 with four home runs and six RBIs. Six. His slugging percentage is .442, which – at this rate – would be his lowest total since 2005. His on-base percentage of .313 is 14 points lower than that of… Ben Francisco. The site Ology.com has a rather hilarious recurring post on Werth and wrote this satire (I think) about him:

After the Nats lost 6-4 to the Mets because of the sh*tty play of Werth's teammates, Jayson retired to the clubhouse to soak his ailing foot in ice culled from Swedish glaciers. He then hopped on Jerry Hairston, Jr.'s back to be carried out to his waiting Bentley. All just another day of hard work for the $126 million-dollar man.

 

Both the Mets and the Nationals will be gracing us with their presence in the upcoming week. Excitement!

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4 Responses

  1. I guess my Xtranormal cartoon was correct! He’s not worth the money and he knows it. Might be time for a new cartoon! No? Ok, no…

  2. “The government may still be fighting over birth certificates, earth may be gone, and Darren Daulton may be lying ass up on a table in a spaceship, but the [M*ts] will still be paying Bonilla and Saberhagan.”
    I have to admit you were finally funny for once. Hahahah

  3. Bravo, Kyle! Bra-VO! You were in fine form here. Your passion when it comes to dissing the Mess and gNats really shined through here. I commend you, good sir! Can’t wait for those bottom feeders to slink in for a proper ass-whuppin’. Excitement indeed!

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