Your Morning Carts: I Went to Chester to See Becks, But Becks Wasn’t There Edition!

Ah yes, summer must be near. The flowers are in bloom, the sun cradles itself above the horizon just a moment longer each night, and the Flyers continue their run to the Eastern Conference Finals are out on the town at an MLS game in Chester. It’s a beautiful thing, the turn of the seasons.

Here we find Carts and Co. taking in the Union-Galaxy match at PPL Park on Wednesday. Surely the gang was disappointed that David Beckham didn’t journey east for the tilt. I mean, look at that attire – Ed Hardy is reporting supply chain problems with 50/50 blended-cotton – that wasn’t for the fine folks of Chester. I see the planning going down Ocean’s Eleven style in an abandoned warehouse somewhere:

Carts: Did you see Becks at the Royal Wedding? We gotta look our best. Whaddya got?

Leino: Jason Mraz hat. 

Carts: Oh that’s so Timberlake of you. Richie?

Richie: I just had surgery this morning, I’ll be wearing a sling. They’ll never suspect a thing. Poet!

Carts: Excellent, one-armed bandit routine. You lead.

Leino: Should I bring my sniper rifle?

Carts: What? No. Who brought this guy? We’re there to impress Becks.

Richie: … Oh… I thought we were killing Panaccio.

Carts: Fuckin… What about you, Claude?

Giroux: If you think I’m wearing anything other than a backwards New Era cap, you’re out of your fucking mind.

Car Bomb: I’ll just look lost.

Carts: Perfect. I have my trusty white slim-fit. My friend here has Ray-Bans and a metro sweater. 

Random Friend: Seriously, I don't care what happens. I don't care if we kill someone.


Either that, or Carts had been sexting with the female usher in section 106. Yeah, probably that. Onward. 


Here we see the gang sauntering into PPL Park. The kid in the Cliff Lee jersey has just been struck with the wafting scent of Carter’s newly-purchased True Religion jeans. The locals are suspicious. Soon after, Carter Team Six finds itself being funneled through with the masses. The mission has officially hit its first snag.


Inside, there’s no sign of Becks.


Carts: Where is heee?

Random Friend: …I told you not to let Richie lead the operation…

Richie: Yo, fuck off, Sasquatch.

Giroux (thinking to himself): Who is the slut sitting with Sons of Ben? Wonder if Danny will let me bring her home.

Leino: – takes a deep breath, adjusts glasses, and stares blankly into the distance – Becks doesn’t do Chester.

Carts: Fuck.


Pics via anonymous tipster and Horizon Facbeook Page


26 Responses

  1. Funny, however I think it’s awesome that they hang out together. In other sports/cities, players going out together usually result in a club shooting or DUI. It’s a good sign that a nucleus of this team are going out. It’s the offseason (unfortunately) but several of them needed surgery etc. Good for them

  2. Thank you for making me laugh out loud here in my extremely quiet (cuz everyone worth a fuck is not in today and “working from home”) office….
    I love this shit..

  3. There is no way that fat loser friend is a hockey player. He must be a weird canadian friend or something.

  4. I know both the cool disc jockey and bdever. And so does bdever … And believe me that is the pot calling the kettle black. Bdever is knows as the cubby sponge squarepants of our friends… Bdever you know him too don’t you? He’s the guy that drives you home when u fall asleep at the bar and keeps checking to see if your still breath because you have sleep apnea… Aka I’m so fat I stop breathing in my sleep.

  5. That unknown cat has great hair…
    Winner of the 2009 “dudes being dudes” hair off…

  6. YAWN. Another boring entry with Kyle-Boy trying to be funny but instead he’s boring us with his Très Gay obsession with men’s fashion.
    You should have focused on that chick in the first pic looking at Carts. Go with the Vicky Beckam theme, something like: “Look at Asian Spice, the Pete Best of the Spice Girls, who is contemplayting her ‘Getting Cartered’ experiance.”
    And for the last pic, something like: “Hey everyone, look! Carcillo is trying to hit on Angry Spice. Can you imagine them hooking up and trying to teach Eddie Murphy’s kid a little shinny?”
    Now that’s gold, Boyo.

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