Bruins_fansNothing to do with baseball

This has been festering for a few days now. Ever since I watched Zdeno Chara and his ogre-looking bumble bee sweater-wearing ass lift the greatest trophy on the planet, I’ve had a sick taste in my mouth. I just now realized why. Perhaps symbolized by the black and yellow (Bruins, Penguins, Steelers), I must ask: Is it possible to have the sports franchises of two cities shoved down our throats more than those of Pittsburgh and Boston?

In 2004, it was fun. Who wasn’t rooting for the Red Sox and their improbable comeback and slaying of the curse? No one. However, in the time since the Red Sox danced with Jimmy Fallon in St. Louis – which is still one of the oddest sports moments of all-time – we’ve had to put up with the Patriots beating the Eagles in 2005, the Red Sox winning again in 2007, the Celtics in 2008, and now the Bruins in 2011. All told, the success of Beantown (and those are only the years in which they won the whole shebang) has given its fans an obnoxious long-a induced drone of superiority that, thanks to being the former home to our country’s most popular sportswriter, Bill Simmons, whom I like, puts them at the center of every sports discussion.

Pittsburgh, in all its black and yellow glory, a term which I use very loosely, is a close second. With a rapist quarterback, boring style of football, and Sidney Crosby, Pittsburgh teams have helped define the general narrative of two sports. First we had to deal with HBO’s well-produced handy of Crosby, then two straight weeks of Wiz Khalifa’s Black and Yellow leading us up to the Super Bowl in January. Never has a more inconsequential city had such a profound effect on America.

Together, the relative success of the two metropolises (metropolii?) has been shoved down our throats ad nauseam. And if you think it’s bad now… wait until October, when the Phillies play the Red Sox in the World Series. You’re going to wish Paul Revere’s horse had tripped and broke his leg, forcing our silversmith friend to euthanize him along the Charles River.

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Last night on Facbeook, I posed the question to you, the reader, what do you do on nights when there are no Phillies games? Of the 41 people that responded, three of you were masturbating. Seeing as though it is a MAJOR distraction to stop your manual labor and comment on a blog’s Facebook page, I’ll take it as a sign that many more of you were doing the same. The porn industry is alive and well, folks. Alive and well.

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Since there was no game last night and because most of the beat writers were on a long flight to Seattle, here are just a few Phillies links.

Charlie Manuel doesn’t like interleague play. Manuel also said Chase Utley wanted to face King Felix, that’s why he sat yesterday. Stud:

Chase (Utley) said he wanted to face the two big Seattle arms,” Manuel said after Thursday’s game versus the flailing Florida Marlins, in reference to Pineda and “King Felix.” That played into the decision to rest him in Thursday’s matinée.

 

Brian Schneider will begin a rehab assignment.

Bill Conlin writes about Phillies minor leaguer turned Yankee, Brian Gordan, who pitched against the Rangers yesterday.

David Hale has more on the Phillies parting ways with J.C. Romero.

Phanatic dances with a fan… He's just asking for another lawsuit.

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Finally – yay self promotion - every Thursday at 5:45 I stop by the M & M Show on 1350 in Lancaster. You can listen to yesterday’s segment below. Pretty general Phillies talk, but some good interleague and payroll discussion.

Oh yeah, Cliff Lee is good, too.