Morning Wood: Dom Brown Can't Field Edition
Last night was a classic – vintage – Dan Baker game, as the Phillies held a ceremony to honor Pat Gillick for his (Dan Baker voice) INducTION INTO baseBALL's HALL of fame.
After a rather moving Phanavision montage of Gillick's years with the Phillies caused my lip to quiver (what? I like it when old men cry), the former GM was presented with an oil painting of… himself. This:
Gee thanks, guys. You can’t see his eyes and he looks like he’s on a margarita-fueled safari through a Caribbean island. Frankly, I’m surprised they didn’t paint him lying shirtless on Clearwater Beach.
Anyway, congrats to Pat.
The Phillies lost, 2-1, thanks in large part to another one of Dom Brown’s Magellan-like routes to field a batted ball. Why yes, Virginia, there is a real-life equivalent of the path Dom Brown takes to fly balls:
You know when you’re approaching the entranceway of a public building and someone is roughly 8-10 paces behind you? It’s that no-man’s land where they are too far back to hold the door open without seeming creepy, but not far enough behind to just slam it. So you do one of two things: you either speed up (the preferred method) to put a safe distance between you and your subject, allowing you to enter without any door-holding burden, or (rare), if there is a really attractive member of the opposite sex, you take a ridiculously circuitous route, going around the fountain (we’ll assume this building has one) before entering. That allows you to safely – uncreepily – hold the door open. We’re going to call that the Dom Brown from now on. The next time you dangle just look enough to lengthen your encounter with Suzy… you Dom Brown’d her. Make it happen.
Steve Bucci has more on Brown’s boner.
Paul Hagen, who we’re assuming survived his night-long encounter with Jimmy Snuka on Tuesday, thinks the Phillies need another bat.
Carlos Beltran is officially a Giant. He flew into Philly last night and will play for the Giants today.
To make room… there are conflicting reports that Pat Burrell will be released by the Giants……… Rube? If this happens, it will get talked about for the next 72 hours. Burrell was the lone reason the Giants made the playoffs last year, though he has 61 strike outs in less than 200 at-bats this year. As much as I’d like to see him back in a Phillies’ uniform, I’m not sure he would be anything more than a slower, dare I say sexier, right-handed Raul Ibanez.
Hanley Ramirez is in a war of words with Jeff Conine for the title “Mr. Marlin.” Honestly, who gives a shit?
Finally, Chooch on fire.
Yeah, that’s an STD.
H/T to (@KylePMcGill) for the pic