Your Drinker’s Philadelphia CB Six Pack

Our friends at Drinker’s Philadelphia sponsor this segment. Nothing changes, except we can now have contests for legit prizes to Drinker’s.

Ryan Howard: See this.

Better to watch: Oh, now you’re just pulling at my heartstrings. On one hand, you have 11 girls running aimlessly around a pitch, wearing white shorts and sweating. On the other, bikinis in the sand.

I always er on the side of bikinis in the sand. And if that was ever in doubt, the women’s final in the 2008 Olympics being played in the rain cemented the deal.

That being said, here’s how to guarantee that women’s soccer is the most watched event by males 18-35 in the US: Have Victoria’s Secret sponsor the World Cup. The shorts are already see-through. Instead of being greeted by a pair of white ho-hum underoos, clothe each player in a bright red thong. I promise you the ratings increase.

You may call me a sexist. You may call me a perv. But you won’t say I’m wrong.

Funnier: Heath Bell has a long way to go to approach the hilarity that is Brian Wilson. I know he’s a bit overexposed and a beard alone doesn’t make someone funny, but I can’t help but laugh at him every time I see him. 

My friend Matt texted me last night to say, “I hate that I can’t hate this guy.” And he’s right. We should hate him. He helped break our hearts last year. He spits on the integrity of the game. However, he just has fun. Whether you like him or not, you’re guaranteed to look at the screen when he’s on because of what he might do.

Crossing Broads: Alex Morgan is going to be in next year’s SI Swimsuit Edition. Book it. Morgan.

Crossing Bros: The only person who can beat a dude with a mustache tattoo is a guy who makes fun of Canadians… and Tweets sweet broken english nothings.

Care less: The girls. Sorry. Go USA! But the sale of the Sixers has the chance to signal a major change in organizational philosophy. Ever since Pat Croce left, the team has played to a half-full arena, with lackluster players and no direction.

Everything they’ve done – from a marketing standpoint – is just failure. The uniform updates? Instead of going back to a retro look, they tried to modernize the old logo and color scheme, a practice that backfired as miserably as it did in the early 90s. The court is hideous. The in-arena atmosphere is awful. The players, save for a few guys, are unlikeable (really, does anyone identify with Lou Williams, Andre Iguodala, and jackass Mo Speights?). 

Joshua Harris has made a ton of money buying entertainment type companies. Perhaps he’s learned a few things about showmanship and appeasing the masses, and will turn the Sixers into not only a contender, but also a must-see attraction.

Today’s Drinker’s challenge: Enter for your chance to win a 5-pack of drink tickets (good for one domestic draft or well drink) to be used at one of the Drinker’s Philadelphia locations this weekend only. Must be 21.

Enter after the jump.

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4 Responses

  1. Not saying if Bell is funnier, but Brian Wilson (Osama Bin Laden) is a dull-droll. Just shutup and play baseball.
    He’s no Cliff Lee and Chooch put together. (And as a side note: No doubt if Chooch was catching during the 4th last night, he’d keep Cliff from pitching that pitch that allowed the Adrian Gonzalez home run.)

  2. how am i supposed to pick women’s world cup when you put that photo up of may-treanors ass all up in my grill dude. haha come on

  3. I don’t get the infatuation with Brian Wilson’s “sense of humor.” Talk to any douchebag hipster at your local bar and you’ll get the same “hilarious” irony oozing out of every drunken word. Heath Bell, though… also a jackass. Nobody needs baseball players to be funny.

  4. Thank you for this article. That’s all I can say. You most definitely have made this blog into something special. You clearly know what you are doing, you’ve covered so many bases.Thanks!

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