Here's a Picture of Bryce Harper Looking Like a Douche
Of course, if this were, say, Hunter Pence, we would all be talking in ridiculous hyperbole about how he probably poured six different kinds of chocolate all over the two and a half women in the photo. But it's not, so therefore he looks like a douche.
Pic via James Wilhide, who lists his location as Harperstown. Ugh.