A classic Aaron Heilman Special (or Jonathan Broxton Game) if there ever was one. The Phillies own Huston Street. Just claim victory over him in every way possible.

Let’s take a look at some recent Street boners against the Phillies. Careful, in some offices this may be NSFW:

April 11, 2009: Phillies get three straight hits to lead off ninth inning. One run scores, extending their lead to 8-4. Street is unable to complete inning.

April 12, 2009: The Harry Kalas game. Score tied 5-5 in the ninth. Pedro Feliz doubles, Chris Coste advances him with a bunt, Matt Stairs hits the last home run ever called by Harry Kalas. Phillies win, 7-5. Respect.

*Incredibly, MLB seems to have removed all evidence of this home run from YouTube. Unreal. Here's another link. I honestly can't listen to Harry anymore without tearing up.

October 11, 2009: Score tied 5-5 in the ninth. Single, sac bunt, single, sac fly- Phils take the lead and win Game 3 of the NLDS, 6-5.

October 12, 2009: Phillies trail Game 4 of NLDS, 4-2. Street on to pitch the ninth: strikeout, single, groundout, walk, Ryan Howard double, Jayson Werth single. Phils win the game, 5-4, and the series. Season over.

August 1st, 2011: Two outs, top nine, one man on. John Mayberry Jr. hits a two-strike two-run home run to tie the game. Phils win in extras, 4-3.

Yeah, he’s entered the Broxton Zone.

Watch Mayberry’s and Victorino’s home runs, as called by both Tom McCarthy and Scott Franzke. I know this is sacrilegious here, but I actually enjoyed T-Macs calls more. Of course, neither of them compare to Gus Johnson’s call- edited by my friend and longtime drinking buddy Sean Don:


Can we turn our attention to two things in Colorado that really grind my gears?

1) Troy Tulowitzki 

Perhaps this is bad timing since I recently just got a pseudo-faux hawk cut and our boy Hunter Pence is rocking the mohawk (poet!)… but what in the hell is with Tulo’s hair? It looks like a beaver is trying to burrow his way down the back of his jersey. It’s one part mohawk and two parts rattail. How has this gone on for so long? This isn’t just a phase for him anymore, it’s his hairdo!

2) That mascot

This certainly isn’t a new complaint, but it’s always a valid one. Why, why must it stand behind the plate during the later innings and terrorize viewers and children alike? It’s like Barney fucked Robbie Sinclair from Dinosaurs and out popped Dinger. Just frightening.

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No, Barney! No!

Roy Oswalt pitched a successful outing with the Iron Pigs last night. He’ll rejoin the team in Denver today. This just in: baseball players travel a lot.

Finally, in honor of Victo’s game-winning homer, the folks in Colorado honored him with his own signage:

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Shane Co.'s return policy: No questions asked.

H/T to (@dougal24), (@matthewpfarrell), (@andrewparr19) and (@theseandon) for all the great screen grab and photo work. Couldn’t do this without all the reader support.