Your Monday Morning Roundup: Whim of a Madman Edition

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Annnnd we’re back.

A couple of words about the lack of updates the last few days. If you don’t care, you can skip to the roundup.

On Friday, I, like many, spent most of the day battening down the hatches and evacuating from the Jersey Shore. The trip back would have been very reasonable had there not been three (3!) separate accidents on the way home. What should have been a two hour trip (even with a couple hundred thousand people evacuating) turned into a four hour trip. 

On Saturday, after throwing a couple of quick posts on the site, Ms. CB and I headed to her family’s place in Bucks County to ride out Irene. Things were going just fine and, like any news junkie, I was in a full-fledge hunker, switching between local news stations as their anchors and weather folks took part in the broadcast news equivalent of THON. At around 10 P.M., just as a wired Adam Joseph commenced what I thought may turn into an all-out strip by removing his tie and unbuttoning his shirt (much to the delight of Ms. CB and most other females in the Delaware Valley), and Doomsday Schwartz started wearing tin foil on his head and speaking into a large wooden spoon, the power went out at casa de Ms. CB. No big deal… except that it was followed by an hour’s worth of tornado warnings, which we were seeing through AT&T’s slowly deteriorating data signal that seemed to be in a race with Irene as to who could fuck more people over. Like most of you, we had a few anxious moments before falling asleep- something I did rather early, since I was scheduled to call into Eytan Shander’s overnight show on WIP at 3 AM. Little did I know that while talking to Eytan, there was, less than a mile away, a crazed, rifle-carrying Army officer firing at local police…

Still without power at around nine o’clock Sunday morning, I headed to the kitchen to find Ms. CB’s uncle, who recently returned from 20+ years in California to experience only his second earthquake, a hurricane, and… well, this: 

Uncle Ronnie used Irene’s brief rainless window to take a jog at around 7:30 in the morning. Before getting too far (read: less than a few thousand feet), he ran almost directly into two approaching S.W.A.T. team members, both of whom were carrying sniper rifles. Not your typical scene on a Sunday morning in Central Bucks, yo. He was immediately asked for identification (which he didn’t have on him) and told to get back to his house immediately and do his best Marc Zumoff by locking all windows and doors. No further was explanation given. 

A few paces later, a utility worker told him a woman had been killed just down the road and that police couldn’t find John Egland, a 37-year-old Army officer who was also suspected of killing three other family members in Virginia.

[Now would be a good time to mention that we later found out Uncle Ronnie (thanks to his Armenian skin) and Egland shared a similar complexion. And build. I wouldn't be surprised if, at some point, UR had a red dot on his chest.]

Hearing the story, I immediately hopped onto Twitter with my now awful cell signal. There wasn’t much information, other than a couple of local stories which told us about Egland’s mid-hurricane drive from Virginia to Buckingham, where he killed his ex-mother-in-law then drove his daughter to a Quakertown hospital (presumably to leave her in safer hands). It was there he showed an orderly a hand gun, which was his second weapon (if you’re scoring at home). The orderly promptly called police, who found Egland in Doylestown. He fired shots at their cruiser, hitting one of the officers in the hand. Later in the evening, according to most accounts, Egland had another run-in with officers not a mile away from where we were. He fired shots from behind a dumpster and ran into the woods, carrying with him his rifle, handgun, and Army training- a dangerous combination.

Throughout most of the day, we were told to stay inside and lock all doors, windows, cars, sheds, garages, etc. Several times we heard search helicopters flying overhead. Thanks to the help of some of you on Twitter, we stayed informed about the road closures on York Rd. and other details about the manhunt, which included smallish tanks and fully armed S.W.A.T.

There are few things that freak me out, but a spree-killing solider running loose in a relatively quiet area is certainly one of them. Add to that the lack of power and news coverage, and it made for a few very anxious hours locked indoors.

Finally, at around 3:30 P.M., Egland was found dead, an apparent suicide. His body was discovered about a mile away. Not a fun day.

Back now and ready to roll. Let the snark and dick jokes commence!


Couple of quick notes:

– Sans power? Make sure you stop by Drinker’s Philadelphia locations this week to watch the Phillies and Reds. Get location and specials details here.

– BC Sports postponed their Mike Stutes signing, which was originally scheduled for Saturday. No makeup date has been announced, but we’ll tell you about it just as soon as we hear.

– The Let’s Go Eat and Ed Wade: Gift That Keeps on Giving t-shirts continue to sell like whoa. Get yours here.


The roundup:

– Tim McManus cleared out his Twitter Mailbag, answering YOUR questions about the Eagles.

Jim McCormick talks to Cole Hamels about returning to Cincinnati, the place where he pitched his version Major League game.

– I honestly have no idea what this link is about, but our friends from Goodnight Snack aggregated a bunch of pictures of chicks in lingerie. You should probably click right here.

– The Phillies took part in a PSA for, a site that fights the good fight against bullying:

– FOX Philly has viewer photos of Irene aftermath.

– Deadspin aggregated all of the Michael Vick What If Photoshops.

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– Jamie Moyer played a little prank on Charlie Manuel on Friday.

– Vote CB as best sports blog on Takes two seconds and you can vote through September 9th. Vote here.

That’s it, time to continue with the takeover. – cracks and stretches fingers in an arrogant fashion –

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20 Responses

  1. … and I thought that I had a wild weekend. So glad that you made it through Kyle… now get me a tissue b/c that Phillies PSA just made me cry.
    To a better week ahead, you all 🙂

  2. Kyle I’m really glad you’re ok but I gotta say the most horrific part of this story is that Ms. CB (or any woman for that matter) finds Adam Joseph appealing. He screams femme. But she chose you so I guess we’ll give her a pass.
    Sadly I think the lesson here is never leave Delco (oh the horror!). Never lost power & my only threat of bodily harm was my constant drinking.

  3. Word on the street is Adam Joseph loves the penor. A quick Google search brings up quite a few links in regards to his sexuality.

  4. lol before hurricane everyone was asking if we were prepared. I told them all we need in our neck of the woods are weapons, ammo, and whiskey to hunker down.
    That’s our hurricane preparedness plan.

  5. Wow Kyle, i was on the edge of my seat wondering if uncle ronnie would get shot, have a heart attack or get asked for his green card. Thats some heavy duty shit young boy.

  6. I had no power, and texted my parents I was bringing the wife and kid over their house in Warminster. Apparently that text didn’t go through, so when I walked in the door, and found them on the back porch eating breakfast, my Mom nearly had a heart attack thinking I was the madman on the loose. Oops.

  7. “On Friday, I, like many, spent most of the day battening down the hatches and evacuating from the Jersey Shore.”
    I hoped you sandbagged too as it’s as much as the storm surge as it is the wind. I hoped Da’s beach house didn’t float away into the Atlantic. But if it did, let’s hope it made it’s way across the pond. I got some distant Old World relatives that can use a “house boat” hahahah
    Well I’m glad you came out of your hurricane experience alive, and let’s hope you at least came out a little bit wiser. But just a little bit. We can’t have great expectations; Rome wasn’t built in a day.

  8. “Egland had recently returned from the latest of three deployments to Iraq and Afghanistan, Heckler said.”
    Sad. I wonder if he would have went on this mad killing spree had he not been on multiple deployments. There are a lot of brave men and women who fought for this country who’ve been scarred from too much combat and aren’t getting all the help we could give them. But my condolences go out to the survivors of this ordeal.

  9. Kyle wasn’t that scary!! I was right there with you buddy. We were getting ready to head to church when I saw online that the police had the roads blocked off. So I hopped on Twitter and checked the live streams of the various news stations, plus Doylestown and Warminster’s to find out the full story. After being up all night with the storm and then having to stay inside because of some looney running around packing heat, it was a crazy weekend. Glad nobody was killed other than the gunman.

  10. Nothing about Lee’s pinch run 1st to home? Nothing? Wow, I think a piece of the steed’s magical unicorn horn just gave you a glassy blue eyed “mmhmm.”
    Wow, Kyle. Wow.
    Shakin up by the earthcane?

  11. “Glad nobody was killed other than the gunman.”
    Posted by: Eric_Devlin | August 29, 2011 at 07:57 PM
    You mean, other than the 4 souls Egland shot and killed… And the other 30 or so souls that died as a result of Irene?

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