Morning Wood: Pulled Early

Cliff_lee_pissing_pantsHe had to zip up early last night [thanks to @mojo_licious_ for adding pants to our steed]

I didn’t see the game last night because I was out buying a car. I requested the following on Twitter: Need descriptors for tonight’s game.

Here’s a sampling of the responses:

Pulling Lee was like being in the middle of pissing excellence then looking over and seeing some perv staring at your junk.

40 games above .500! This team is unbelievable

cliff lee… our little pony of excellence. I love him… im not afraid to say it.

is Ricky Bo drunk?

Cliff Lee.

cliff lee was cliff lee…that is all

the steed didn't get out of the gate once, but whatever. still a thoroughbred.

Efficient. Effective.

8 2/3 of pissing excellence, then Charlie went for Mad dog

'Business as usual'

Cliff Lee's piss stream of excellence was cut short by Charlie Fuqua. And we have 86 wins. Boom.


hurricane irene..looks like its gonna end bad but turns out to be just fine

Predictable..Unicorn dominated and Pence pence'd

morning wood: The Clifton

him hitting a grounder to second and not running told the story.  He doesn't need to hit cause he can't be touched.

Lee's line: 8 2/3, 6H, 1BB, 7K. Madson .1 IP, S. Pence-HR. Howard, Utley- 1 RBI each. Score 3-0 Phillies.

Cliff Lee was boss and that's it.

And the winner:

When Cliff got pulled out of the 9th it was like the man pissed excellence for 8 2/3 innings then sneezed before finishing.


As Bill Simmons would say, these are my readers.

While reading through the game recaps and watching the highlights, I found a few nuggets that I’d like to share with you:

Todd Zolecki,

Lee became just the third pitcher in baseball history to go 5-0 with an ERA under 1.00 in two separate months in the same season. He also went 5-0 with a 0.21 ERA in June. He joined Bob Gibson (1968), who went 6-0 with a 0.50 ERA in June and 6-0 with a 0.50 ERA in July, and Walter Johnson (1913), who went 5-0 with a 0.24 ERA in April and 6-0 with a 0.81 ERA in July.


Somewhere, a wizard is teaching math to a young tribesman, but the boy is perplexed by this mysterious absence of whole numbers.


David Murphy,

But Lee is a rare bird, even when compared with the two other Cy Young candidates in the rotation. Since June 1, he has held an opponent scoreless in eight of 15 starts, going 11-2 with a 1.65 ERA. Four of those games have come in his last five starts, a stretch in which he has allowed just two earned runs, three extra-base hits and eight walks while striking out 39 in 39 2/3 innings (the other 14 baserunners reached via single).


Eight of 15 starts scoreless, three extra-base hits. A pony paws at the sky.

He threw 30 two-strike pitches, but no more than eight with any one pitch. With two strikes, the Reds went 2-for-16 with seven strikeouts. 

He threw 49 pitches up in the strike zone or up out of the zone and the Reds put 10 of them in play, resulting in eight outs. In starts when he’s thrown at least 40 high pitches, he’s 6-0.  


It wasn’t all perfect little pony for Lee, however. In the fourth inning, he blatantly failed to run out a ground ball hit to second baseman Brandon Phillips.  

I gotta rip him here. If that were anyone else, especially Jimmy Rollins or Cole Hamels, the sky would be falling right now. He’s got to run that out… but I can’t be too mad. I just can’t. It's like when a kid lies about stealing from the cookie jar. Even though you have to discipline him, you can’t help but laugh at his cute little story. That’s Lee. I found myself watching that over and over again last night, and by the time I was done, he had me convinced that running would have just wasted some time. Whatever.

Lee talked about his outing, he wasn’t thrilled about being taken out mid piss:

Here are highlights of the performance and the game. Why allowed us to embed the video above but won’t let us embed the highlights, I don’t know.

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24 Responses

  1. See Kyle, Lee just looked into the future (because gods can do that) and he saw that when he tried to run that play out He got the second baseman to hurry up the throw, sailing it into the stands hitting a baby infant in the noggin causing her to sustain brain damage, which in turn, turns her father into a raging drunk (for bringing his baby infant to a game)who in turn beats his wife (cause he’s a total a-hole drunk)in front of his mentally depleted daughter (all his fault). So Lee knowing this(again, he’s a god)decided that he would choose some public ridicule for the greater good (my hero). And that little girl as I understand it, will one day be the president of this great country. HE’S A NATIONAL HERO FOR NOT RUNNING THAT OUT! Get it?

  2. Kyle, I was going to ask the same question that Adam did. What kind of car did you get? Hope it’s a beauty because you missed a really great game :)Lee was his usual unruffled, cool and enthusiastic self. He’s just a joy to watch chewing his gum and giving his all to the game. So, yeah…. you can’t beat that or find anything else more entertaining. Oh, he’s a God alright!

  3. Its cute watching you guys throw ass worship to Kyle….

  4. Watching Clifton being taken out was total blue balls. It’s like getting a handy on the counch while you’re watching a movie and then she suddenly stops and just wants to make out.

  5. Hopefully you paid attention and bought a red Jeep (wise decision young buck!) tricked out With a unicorn horn on the hood and white 33’s on the door, it will go well with the rainbow magnet on the back.

  6. C’mon, guys, I’m just grateful that for ONCE Charlie saw what was going on and stopped the bleeding! Bringing in Mad Dog was definitely the way to go…

  7. Jason, it’s worth the blue balls now to know that next week you’ll be making out with her and her visiting sister. I’d love to have an angry Lee take it to the Braves.

  8. For those of you who want to know, I got a Nissan Rogue. Second one. Not flashy. Solid, reliable, and a decent feature set. White. It’s essentially Hunter Pence.

  9. Does it drive awkwardly, all the while looking glorious like Pence too? 🙂
    And I have to give you a little shit here. He should have run that out. Period. There was nothing cute about it.
    “But I can’t be too mad.” Like you said. if this was Jimmy doing that (hell at least he leaves the batters box) you, and every other person would be complaining about it.
    It’s okay Kyle, even the Steed pisses the bed once in a while. Just acknowledge it and don’t play it off as cute. Wash the sheets, talk to him about it, and help him make sure it won’t happen again.

  10. I actually think Cliff not running there is funny. He already had a 1-0 lead at that point, and frankly thats all he needed. So screw it. I’d rather have him turn around and walk back to the dugout, rather than dig it out and pull a hammy. Although he’s been phenomenal this season at the plate, hitting isn’t his job. The less effort he exerts as a batter, the better.
    Remember the nonchalance of that pop-up he caught against the Yankees during the 2009 WS? And the ball basically hit the palm of his glove, not the webbing? That bit of indifference was a slightly scarier than him not running out a ground ball.
    That’s just his laid-back attitude showing through, and you gotta love it.

  11. Damn! Just when I was getting used to the Bare Cheeks of a Magic Steed (hey there’s a new name for a cocktail for you to invent from your vodtka sorbay, Laddie).
    PS: So how much did that new car set your da back? Is that his reward to you for battening down the beachouse and then driving back to PA texting all the way?

  12. Thanks for the winning quote, Kyle! We are truly blessed to witness this phenom. Who gives millions of people a gift for HIS b-day?
    IBMcG… It’s splitting hairs, but I think you meant vodka sorbet.

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