Adam Reigner is a producer at WIP. During the week, he works on Big Daddy Graham's show. Today, he is divorcing Andy Reid.
IN THE CIRCUIT COURT OF THE 7TH
JUDICIAL CIRCUIT IN AND FOR
CASE NO: 20-FFF-04
ADAM JOSEPH REIGNER
ANDREW WALTER REID
VERIFIED PETITION FOR DISSOLUTION OF HEAD FOOTBALL COACH
Petitioner/Fan, ADAM JOSEPH REIGNER, through his counsel, files this Verified Petition for Dissolution of ANDREW WALTER REID as head coach of the Philadelphia Eagles.
The Petitioner feels that the relationship has been stretched beyond its breaking point, and is filling on the grounds of irreconcilable differences.
For 13 years, Petitioner has endured a constant neglect of time outs. He has asked on multiple occasions for the Respondent to make the appropriate changes, which have fallen upon deaf ears. The Respondent has repeatedly taken responsibility for these acts almost as if he was mocking the Petitioner.
On more then one occasion the Respondent has told the Petitioner that he has to do a better job, which he has shown no interest in doing.
The Petitioner has made every effort to try to reconcile with Mr. Reid. Mr. Reid has often showed a total lack of respect for these efforts. On more then one occasion, he has walked out on Mr. Reigner’s attempts to correct these issues before their conversation was finished. Mr. Reid's constant emotional abuse has led Mr. Reigner to a life filled with dark rooms, locked windows, romantic comedies and an endless soundtrack of the white Barry.
The Petitioner and Respondent have not had sex since July. And that time, HOWIE ROSEMAN got to watch.
Mr. Reigner objected to the hiring of JUAN CASTILLO as defensive coordinator, as he felt that he wasn't accomplished enough. The Respondent vouched for Mr. Castillo’s ability, and in an alarming pattern took full responsibility for this massive oversight. After finding out what Mr. Reigner already knew, Mr. Reid said he would expel Mr. Castillo from his current position if it would save his job.
This has been a continuing pattern for Mr. Reid, who has callously covered up his shortcomings by getting rid of the people who say "no" to him. The Respondent has shown no loyalty to the same people who have bought every word he sold them. Without hesitation, he has gone back on his word to the tune of good business. These accusations can be collaborated with; HANK FRALEY, JEREMIAH TROTTER, MICHAEL LEWIS, BRIAN DAWKINS, KEVIN KOLB, SHELDON BROWN, HUGH DOUGLAS, TERRELL OWENS, LITO SHEPPARD and most recently, DESEAN JACKSON.
Mr. Jackson’s trial is on-going and would like to withhold his testimony until his case has been decided in front of the court of JOE BANNER. To his credit, Mr. Reid confronted his own television network when they falsely accused Mr. Jackson of not listening to a teammate, but when Mr. Jackon’s issues with money were raised, he remained oddly silent.
Mr. Reigner simply can’t continue this charade. This total lack of respect has proven there is no other choice in the matter. Mr. Reigner will be filling for sole custody of LESEAN MCCOY. Mr. McCoy has proven himself enough that Mr. Reigner is willing to give Mr. Reid the entire 2004 Super Bowl season as compensation. The memory is too painful to remember.
In regard to the most monetary valuable asset, Mr. Reigner is willing to give MICHAEL VICK these four games to prove himself. If Mr. Vick is unable to perform on par with his first seven games, then by default he will become property of Mr. Reid, in which it is requested that he and the quarterback live a quiet life, far away from Lincoln Financial Field.
It is in both parties’ interest that this matter be handled with proper respect. Mr. Reid will continue to be allowed access to the NovaCare Complex until the end of the season. Upon completion of this event, Mr. Reid will be denied access to the facilities– Joe Paterno’d, if you will. It will be at this time that Mr. Reigner and his estate (“fans”) will take back what has and always will be theirs, the Philadelphia Eagles.
These decision don’t come easy and without much deliberation. Mr. Reigner would like this matter to be handled with the utmost importance. The future is bright for the Eagles — without Mr. Reid casting his shadow over it.