A Fat Scott Paterno Update!

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Ever since Scott Paterno famously (?) spoke out in defense of his father and held an impromptu press conference on the lawn of his parents' Golden Girls-style house, every Penn State post on this site has received comments asking for an FSP update. 

Well, children, today it is my great honor to pass along to you this Fat Scott Paterno update. He issued a statement yesterday: [Penn Live]

"It is helpful to have on the record the Board's position re my father's status with the University. As has become apparent, the termination on November 9, with no notice or hearing, was not handled well. Joe Paterno has reiterated from the beginning that the first priority in this crisis is to serve the best interests of the victims.

"He believes strongly that everyone involved is entitled to due process.

"He also thinks that a wholesale attack on the football program and Penn State's academic record, as has happened in some quarters, is unjustified. This is a crisis that deserves thoughtful and thorough review. In the course of that review and analysis, however, the legitimate achievements of this University and the many good people who worked so hard to build it into a world class institution should not be disrespected. My parents are unwavering in their loyalty and dedication to Penn State." 

 

WHERE'S THE BEEF?

The statement was in response to a series of town hall meetings being held by Penn State officials in Pittsburgh, Philadelphia (last night), and New York. This was the school’s official statement on the firing of Scott's much lighter father:

"Given the nature of the serious allegations contained in the Grand Jury Report and the extraordinary circumstances then facing the University, the Board's unanimous judgment was that Coach Paterno could not be expected to continue to effectively perform his duties and that it was in the best interests of the University to make an immediate change in his status.

"Therefore, the Board acted to remove Coach Paterno from his position as Head Football Coach effective as of that date. Coach Paterno remains employed by the University as a tenured faculty member. The details of his retirement are being worked out and will be made public when they are finalized.

"Generally speaking, the University intends to honor the terms of his employment contract and is treating him financially as if he had retired at the end of the 2011 football season."

 

While Penn State was holding their town hall meeting at the Radisson in King of Prussia last eve, another Joe Pa crusader, Franco Harris, who is challenging Scott Paterno for this story’s Kato Kaelin award, held a competing rally just a few conference rooms away.  

Anyway, Joe Pa’s firing is a relatively meaningless element in this saga, so let’s just all be glad that Scott Paterno is back in our lives. Cheeseburgers for all!

H/T to (@VometCometCapt)

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13 Responses

  1. I”m a current psu grad student & saw fat Scott at the hooters in state college last Saturday taking a leak in the restroom urinal where he ripped a loud fart. He also did not wash his paws. Disgusting human being

  2. @Gus There is no Hooters in State College, at least not any more. Were you having a flashback, or did you mean that he was cleaning out Kildare’s on $5 burger day.

  3. In my experience, where there are several optional English equivalents for a German word, Google and Babelfish automatically choose the one that makes the

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