Here it is, this is the Jeffrey Lurie test for being a head coach in the NFL, according to the Eagles' idiot owner, who today didn’t fire his coach after talking in circles for 10 minutes about how goddamn shitty the season was.
Three things to look at when deciding whether or not to can your coach:
1) Track record.
Lurie says Andy Reid has a good one, and bounces back quite well from years he doesn’t make the playoffs, often with double-digit win seasons.
2) Recent success.
He mostly skipped over that one. But did say the following, all of which touched on Reid's recent performance: [quotes were transcribed live, so there may be minor, trivial omissions]
“We proved we could dominate teams that weren’t competitive [not the Packers, Saints and Steelers]."
"Being too caught up in final month's success is fool's gold.”
“[It was] dismal, unfathomable to have the record we had first half of the season."
“No legitimate excuses in my mind for team to take that long to come together.”
3) Intangibles. The tiebreaker, if you will.
There are many, but two specifically:
A) The Eagles were one of the best groups in terms of motivation. Talked about how the Eagles had great motivation (fuck yeah!) and great practices. Yes, WE’RE TALKING ABOUT PRACTICE.
B) Reid has a “fire in his belly.” Really, he actually said that. Just before announcing that Reid would stay on as coach, after talking about how there were absolutely no excuses for this season, the owner of an NFL football team said the head coach had “fire in his belly.”
But wait, there’s more!
A follow up question revealed how Lurie, who spoke at a wooden podium in a suit, and sounded like a Public Speaking 101 student who had shit in his pants, performs analysis of the above intangibles:
“One of the analyses I do, is how humble [Reid] is, and how self critical he is. You’re dealing with a non-arrogant man, who blames himself for the troubles…. I don’t think you’re ever going to meet a head coach who is less arrogant than Andy Reid.”
“When you can sacrifice your own popularity for the players, that goes a long, long way in the locker room. I have a coach that handles press conferences and communicates with the media in a way that protects the team. That creates unselfishness on his part, that’s the dynamic here.
I could use a line of Andy’s… Andy’s got to do a better job of that (communicating with media).”
Those were the highlights of one of the weirdest press conferences of all-time. The only thing I can even liken it to is when you didn’t want to tell your parents about a bad report card, so you told them every positive thing you could think of before informing them that you failed Algebra, brought back your fat, underachieving coach, and allowed your venue to host a private party for Rangers fans because you’re a greedy dope.
Oh yeah, the Juan Castillo decision will fall on Reid: “Those are Andy’s decisions. He has the final say on that.”
Comment on this post, and you'll entered to win a “Quality Grooming Experience” from American Male, a full-service salon for guys in Center City, Berwyn and Reading that has been helping men look their best for over 12 years. The “Quality Grooming Experience” features shampoo, haircut, scalp massage and much more. We’ll be picking two winners per week. Must enter your email address to be eligible.