Phillies

The F$%#ing Insane Reading Phillies All-Star Hitting Challenge is Awesome

By Kyle Scott

Published: Jan 25th, 2012 · 3:59 PM EST

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YES! This is it! The all-star game skills competition we’ve all been waiting for. The perfect marketing event. The perfect cheer.

The folks in the Reading Phillies marketing department have hit another home run with their latest wacky idea. Two years ago it was the briefly controversial Ryan Howard Garden Gnome. Then, for this season, the Ryan Howard-Crazy Hot Dog Vendor Double Bobblehead. Now it’s the… um… most insane All-Star Home Run Derby easily ever.

On Tuesday, July 10, stars from the Eastern League will compete in the competition that is not so much a home run derby as it is the fantastic offspring of P.T. Barnum and a strip of acid. First Energy Stadium will play host to the absolutely ridiculous event which takes many cues from the batting mini-game in MVP Baseball 2005.*

*What, you think we wouldn’t notice that receiving bonus points for hitting a moving tractor wasn’t a direct homage to the greatest baseball video game ever created? Child please.

Based GM Scott Hunsicker’s description of the event – a video that must be viewed after the jump – here’s what a home run derby on drugs looks like:

500 fans can purchase VIP tickets to stand in the infield during the hitting contest. There will be a probably-safe 12-foot high net for protection. In addition, sponsors such as Pepsi, All-Star Distributing and others will be serving beer, soda, hot dogs, sausages, and raw oysters.

Grammy Award winning artist David Cullen will be playing live music while seated just feet in front of home plate. He will, of course, be mostly protected by a net.

There will be sponsor targets in the outfield that will earn batters money for their United Way agency. 

A MF-ing trampoline in left field with an intern (or someone…) bouncing up and down trying to catch line drives. 

An eight-foot large target on a dunk tank in center field.

A “golf ball picker-upper thing” that batters can, of course, hit for points and money.

Flamingos.

Mascots running around the outfield. By catching balls they can earn negative points for batters.

And an intern suspended 30 feet above the field by a crane trying to catch line drives.

 

I want to go to there. 

No, really, I do. What would be better than having an intern shag flies dodge dangerous liners while bouncing recklessly on a trampoline? Having a Philly sports blogger do it and then chronicle his experience for thousands to see. I’m talking like strap iPhone camera to my chest and make game-saving catches sort of thing. Call me, Reading.

Must-watch video of the insanity is after the jump.

H/T to (@krobe35)

 

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