This is a Video of Alex Morgan Wearing Only Body Paint

Screen Shot 2012-02-14 at 9.37.35 AM

The bastards at Sports Illustrated, in an effort to break up every relationship in America on Valentine’s Day, released the Swimsuit Edition today. Kate Upton is on the cover, wearing – at best – tea leaves tied together by string. And, returning for another year to prove that God still exists is everybody’s favorite section: bodypainting.

As you may have already heard, this year’s paintees(?) include US Olympic Swimmer Natalie Coughlin, golfer Natalie Gulbis, and U.S. Women’s Soccer player Alex Morgan.

Deep breath.

That sound you hear is cupid firing arrows into the heavens while males across the globe collectively Tebow.

Screen Shot 2012-02-14 at 9.32.29 AM

The pictures of Morgan are somewhat disappointing, though, as we learn that it wasn’t just a super-restrictive Nike sports bra doing the dirty work in the World Cup– Alex really doesn’t have any boobs. But, then we realized there was a video of the photo shoot, and all was right with the world. 

The moving picture actually includes the following line from Morgan: It was art today that they drew on me, I didn’t feel like I was naked, at all. Sometimes I would get uncomfortable, and then I would look at myself in the mirror and go “oh, I’m fine, I have a swimsuit on.”

Jesus. Obama should hire the evil geniuses who convinced her of that line to talk down Ahmadinejad. That’s the real art here– spinning nudity into whatever she just said.

The video, for your viewing pleasure, is after the jump.

 

LINKS

Bodypainting section

Swimsuit Edition main page

Videos

 

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30 Comments

  • Social Media February 14, 2012 at 10:10 am

    I have bigger tits.

    Reply
  • tim February 14, 2012 at 10:14 am

    ahhhhhh

    Reply
  • Chris February 14, 2012 at 10:14 am

    who cares about the top, that’s one mighty fine a$$

    Reply
  • bobHALO February 14, 2012 at 10:17 am

    I agree with Chris… While boobs are nice, its all about the part that sits on your face. Fantastic

    Reply
  • Social Media February 14, 2012 at 10:20 am

    The ass is important, true.
    However, we don’t see the ass in the pic.

    Reply
  • Matty M February 14, 2012 at 10:21 am

    Seriously, “Dat Ass” more than makes up for the lack of boobage.

    Reply
  • tim February 14, 2012 at 10:21 am

    that ass is asstastic

    Reply
  • Cass February 14, 2012 at 10:26 am

    is there a way you can embed the video muted?

    Reply
  • Steve February 14, 2012 at 10:33 am

    I will bury her.

    Reply
  • Matty M February 14, 2012 at 10:48 am

    Cass, try the mute button…

    Reply
  • Sappy February 14, 2012 at 11:02 am

    GREAT ASS! Boobs can always be replaced.

    Reply
  • Jason February 14, 2012 at 11:10 am

    The ass is all well and good, but it would still be distracting while she’s on top of you to keep reaching for something or trying to bury your face in her tits and nothing being there. I guess it’s all a matter of personal taste.

    Reply
  • pb February 14, 2012 at 11:16 am

    You think she’s hot when she’s playing soccer but then when you see her in a magazine that also has Kate Upton in it you realize …. (go ahead and finish the sentence for me)

    Reply
  • Dominic February 14, 2012 at 11:19 am

    omgomogmgomgogmogmogmogmogoogmogomgomg

    Reply
  • pb February 14, 2012 at 11:19 am

    Tosh said it best


    Reply
  • Social Media February 14, 2012 at 11:25 am

    So true kb.
    Upton is a different species.

    Reply
  • Social Media February 14, 2012 at 11:25 am

    My bad. pb not kb.

    Reply
  • tom February 14, 2012 at 11:29 am

    tosh never said anything best

    Reply
  • Social Media February 14, 2012 at 11:47 am

    Don’t hate tom.
    Tosh fucking rules.

    Reply
  • The Real Iron Balls McGinty February 14, 2012 at 11:55 am

    i WOULD LOVE TO PAINT HER

    Reply
  • bobHALO February 14, 2012 at 12:10 pm

    Well since were on the subject of Tosh… Ill quote him taking a line from his show to convey how I feel about Alex Morgan. Id like to tongue punch her fart box!

    Reply
  • FACE February 14, 2012 at 12:25 pm

    wow…she’s smoking hot

    Reply
  • frstrm33 February 14, 2012 at 2:09 pm

    US Women’s soccer. the gift that keeps on giving.

    Reply
  • Apps 55753818692 100000088233919 De861bb5c41e8473cea4135241a173ff February 14, 2012 at 2:25 pm

    how cute is Alex Morgan in SI wearing only body paint

    Reply
  • mac February 14, 2012 at 4:26 pm

    Ok, I ripped on the boobs yesterday but the ass and legs are fantastic.

    Reply
  • scrapple joe February 15, 2012 at 2:17 am

    Definitely not the sharpest tool in the shed… I guess being a forward, you head the ball a ton, and yea, she definitely has dame bramage from the headers..
    But that booty is nice

    Reply
  • TubeSteak February 16, 2012 at 8:01 pm

    Do you think she got aroused when the paint brush softly rubbed against her clit?

    Reply
  • TubeSteak February 16, 2012 at 8:08 pm

    ohhh my….i would do such naughty things to her back door…. Yeah girl…oh shiiit i just skeeted all over my keyboard –

    Reply
  • Puma Shoes Outlet February 17, 2012 at 3:22 am

    Once a paper boy for the sister-town La Habra Star, I tried to apply the same ethic to my daily route, with half of Carter’s arm strength.

    Reply
  • Jordan 2012 February 25, 2012 at 1:08 am

    ohhh my….i would do such naughty things to her back door…. Yeah girl…oh shiiit i just skeeted all over my keyboard

    Reply
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