Your Morning Carts: I’m Going to California to See Richie and All The Philly People Had an Opinion Edition!

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Mike! I brought the jet ski! I brought the jet ski! Let's ride!!

I like to fancy this site a bit of a democracy (also, it’s day 3 of dog-sitting temperamental dog and I haven’t slept and don’t feel like writing anything myself). So, last night, when news broke that Jeff Carter would be heading west to join his Oh Captain My Captain, the former One Eight, Mike Richards, many of you sent Tweets, texts and emails expressing your joy, fear, LOLs and excitement over what promises to be a sexcapade for the ages– two millionaire friends, torn apart then reunited on the opposite coast where the hunnies are beautiful and the legs are wide.

Some of you even requested that we form a CB West unit to cover all the goings on. I’ll think about it. Because this isn't going to end well:

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Anyway, what you are about to read is an aggregation of your responses to the trade. I’m not sure if I should be proud or frightened that many of you reflexively thought of CB when the news broke. Disclaimer: The thoughts and accusations shared in these Tweets, texts and emails are not presented as fact. Rather, the reactions of Flyers fans who have some familiarity with the duo…

As always, Jeff Carter and Mike Richards reaction aggregation posts are best viewed while listening to Dave Matthews' You and Me. [click play]

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Some Tweets are in response to me asking who the underrated winner in all this is: I say Justin Williams, because he'll benefit from the leftovers. Others, a reaction to news of the trade.

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Reader Adam: 

I texted my buddy last night "How long before Carts catches the HIV in LA?"

His response was "However long it takes him to penetrate Richie…."

They have to be quasi gay together.  Not full blown gay, but frequently sword fighting gay, or checking each other out while they are tag teaming some Sea Isle Co-ed gay.


Reader J.T.

Scott Burnside article. And if you're still reading, I commend you. Because fuck Scott Burnside. But, I'll take whatever I can for hockey stories, especially involving Richards and Carter. By getting all the way through it, I found this gem: 

"Maybe Richards and Carter can find some sort of mojo and those stories of sowing their wild oats will become a footnote to something greater both personally and for the Los Angeles Kings. "

You know these guys get it in when a national (respected? No. God no.) hockey writer uses the term "sowing their wild oats" in a story, and uses it seriously. Are you fucking kidding me?

I miss having these two around. The stories are so much more fun when it's local, not on the left coast. 



Reader Dave:

Sorry… I don't do the twitter or facebook thing.  Jeff Carter traded to LA for Jack Johnson and a 1st round pick.

Now Carter and Richards can go back to sucking each others birds.  If they win a Cup before we do I will kill them both.

Dave Q



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And they say it's always sunny here…



29 Responses

  1. so collectively, the kings have given up: Simmonds, Schenn, Jack Johnson, a 1st and 2nd rounder for Richie and Carts….wow

  2. The two ass-clowns combined have 56 points.
    The four we got back have a combined 104 points.
    Also, Simmonds is the oldest of the 4 at age 23, Richie and Carts are both 27.
    If the season ended today, the Kings would not be in the playoffs. They are last in the league in goals. The only time the Ambiguously Gay Duo can score is off the ice.

  3. Well since LA is just Philly West – I mean – it’s only natural that you guys get a correspondent on the west coast to cover all the hilarity that ensues right?

  4. Well I dont know about you guys … I’d still like to see Richards playing in Orange n Black.
    Pretty sure he would be helping out with alot of the defensive problems this team has
    Beez Nutz

  5. I’d just like to say that if Carter was able to shoot high (ie: lift the puck) we would have celebrated a Cup 2 years ago.

  6. E.T. the image of him shooting into Niemi is still haunting. ANd yes I do agree we would have pulled out a game 7 in chicago. If they win a cup before we do I may become a Pens fan.

  7. Hey there Kyle Scott Laskowski,
    Don’t think we didnt forget about you, you raging homosexual. Your obvious obsession with the lifestyle of 2 guys that dont even play in Philly is growing tiresome and pretty depressing. Remember when you were just some scrawny mainline loser who stalked the lives of those which he idolized so much? When will u realize that the team you love so much actually hates you? Your childhood dreams of being a “somebody” never panned out, its just not in the cards for you. Hide behind your computer screen and continue to put others down to try and validate your sorry excuse of a life. You keep stalking & talking and we’ll keep laughing at how much of a loser you are. At least let a couple people see this post before you delete it. Next time ur fans get your cell # and the name of your girlfriend because as you’ve showed us. This game can be fun.

  8. hey dan. you sound pretty butthurt. most people love hearing about these two.
    they loved it in philly and im glad they are reunited. keep on updating us with their late night escapades out west

  9. @Dan What’s worse in your mind–the raging homosexual writing about his obsessions or the guy who reads and comments on his posts?
    I think the people of Sea Isle are holding a vigil outside Carter’s beach house. They can’t hold a candle to Ventura.

  10. Dan is kinda right. Kyle is starting to sound like an arrogant tool bag. BUT….. that’s what happens when you get some success. But don’t get me wrong I love this website. I love this website like i love the morning show on 610… Very very entertaining… but don’t take any advice about sports or perspective on sports from Kyle or Angelo/Rhea/ect.

  11. Someone should tell Dan that when he comments on TypePad, I believe it logs your IP address, making it fairly easy to figure out where it came from.

  12. Those legs better be spread really wide if carter is gonna hit the target. Danm Kyle i’d be worried about dan, better send number 2 to the next quizzo.

  13. I dont think people understand hes not posting about richie and carts because hes in withdrawal he posts about them cause its funny and there are so many dick jokes to be had with richards and carter…theyre flat out entertaining. all that aside im glad theyre out of philly and i really hope they dont make the playoffs in LA. thatd make my year

  14. Hey Dan, what the fuck don’t you understand? If you do not like the site don’t read it..
    Go back to your wine & cheese & beat it pussy

  15. Dan (the douche that doesn’t like Kyle) is Dan Carcillo! He’s just pissed he’s not getting a reach-around…

  16. richard just ditched his place on the beach so he could buy a place in west hollywood with his not so power bottom carter.

  17. Who said they’re going to run shit in LA?? That is hilarious. They are VERY small fish out there, most likely we will see them pulling ACTUAL celebrity leftovers and rejects.
    Good luck and god speed, Miff Carchards.

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