Great, Just What Philadelphia Needed: Millionaire SEPTA Workers

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This has nothing to do with sports, but hell, I couldn’t resist.

According to every local outlet, 48 SEPTA workers have won the $173 million Powerball. [6 ABC]

Action News has learned 48 SEPTA workers are winners of Wednesday night's multi-million dollar Powerball.

"We're excited to have sold this jackpot-winning Powerball ticket in Pennsylvania, and this will be the second Powerball jackpot we get to award in just five months," Pennsylvania Lottery Executive Director Todd Rucci said. "Today also marks the 23rd anniversary of the April 26, 1989, Super 7 drawing that awarded $115.5 million to 14 winning tickets and still holds the record as the largest jackpot awarded by the Lottery." 

SEPTA spokesman Richard Maloney confirmed the details to Action News.


Great, that's just what the city needed: a bunch of millionaire bus drivers and train conductors. That should really motivate them to be courteous and on-time.

Excuse me, sir, but this train was supposed to be in at 12:15… it’s 3:48. Do you have an ETA?

Pipe down! We’ll getcha there when we FUCKING GET THERE! 

I’m sure the division of $173 million – amongst 48 SEPTA workers – will go just swimmingly, too. Shit's gonna get real ironic when they have to go on last-minute strikes and picket… against themselves. Like dogs chasing their owns tails, they'll just keep circling each other until they eventually fall over or COME TO A SCREECHING HALT FOR NO PARTICULAR REASON (!!!).

Thanks, I’m here all week. Readers have jokes too: 

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Screen Shot 2012-04-26 at 5.00.58 PM 

Yours in the comments.


13 Responses

  1. Considering union pay/benefits, many of them were already millionaires. Sure makes you feel like a sucker for getting that law degree.

  2. These people are apparently all administrative types…sitting behind a desk, not behind the wheel….

  3. Ironically the article says most work in the finance department. But one employee was a Janitor. Office people….

  4. Given that reports are most of the winners work in Septa’s finance department… with the way Septa is run… I will assume that they will all be broke in less than a month.

  5. You said ‘readers have jokes too’ implying that you made some jokes…yet I see nothing funny in your post.

  6. Shame on you people for being Negadelphians. I HATE NEGADELPHIANS. MOVE TO PHOENIX!

  7. I am happy that people from Philly won instead of some right wing hillbillies from upstate. Yes…it’s okay to hate right wing hillbillies from upstate. They are all Penguins fans anyway.

  8. Who was more deserving? Some white guys from the suburbs who used to be in a fraternity?

Comments are closed.