Hate Mail: That Penguins Eulogy Didn’t Go Over So Well

I kind of had a feeling that, when I decided on mean instead of funny for the Penguins eulogy on Yahoo!’s Puck Daddy blog, some folks – specifically Yinzers – would take issue with it.

This guy, Sidney Malkin, using the address [email protected] (I am going to assume that he just registered that, and get pissed that I didn’t grab it first), sent me the following email.

I don’t think he agreed with my take on his team and city.

Subject: HAHAHAHA WOW you suck

You are by far the biggest faggot to ever disgrace the internet. You're writing is absolutely awful and you're blatant ass pain over the Penguins is sad. You come across to not only Pittsburgh fans but even Philly fans as a pathetic piece of trash. Iv'e talked to numerous respectable Philadelphia fans who are embarrassed by your arrogance and ignorance. However, ignorant trash talk seems to be all you know. So in that case you can gladly choke on Rocky Balboas dick and continue coming across as a jealous piece of waste. Your city's reputation of being pure filth is only highlighted by your despicable rants. Somebody is obviously sad or bitter that not only the Penguins but the city of Pittsburgh owns Filthadelphia when it comes to championships and down right class. Highest murder rate per capita in the country hahaha have fun with that you cock wrangling piece of shit! Kyle Scott you can gladly kiss the ass of Pittsburgh and then pull the trigger because your life will forever be miserable. 🙂 




99 Responses

  1. i think what you wrote was a lot classier than what he wrote. lol and he must be thinking of Camden on the murder thing…..what a tool. moving on

  2. Highest Murder per capita is as uninformed as the Malkin leading the league in goals bit. I call it a draw.

  3. 1- not the murder capitol by far
    2- How about he toss around some more blatantly homophobic barbs?

  4. Isn’t it ironic how Pittsburgh fans criticize Philly for being classless but yet they do so in the most classless way possible…

  5. i love when yinzers bring up the whole “championships” thing. pittsburgh only has more than philly if you don’t count NBA championships. therefore, they don’t. we don’t discount championships just because your little town doesn’t have all 4 sports.

  6. The best part about the e-mail is the subject line.
    I also thoroughly enjoyed the phrase “cock wrangling piece of shit.” Can someone with photoshop talent make a picture of Mr. Hankey in a cowboy hat lassoing a penis? Bonus points if you put Kyle’s face on Mr. Hankey.

  7. great note by this guy. he was dead on about kyle’s eulogy, which was really an absolute joke

  8. Wow…. Shittsburgh fans manage to make themselves look even more like a bunch of trashy butt-hurt d-bags.

  9. Hey Kyle…That Yinzer faggot face is a smelly, loose vaginal crevice that likes to stick rusty nails in his leathery penis hole. The 700level licks scrotal sweat and drinks diarrhea mixed with sperm. I’d rather drink my own piss straight from my 18 inch penis than read that nipple filth. I hope that Donovan McNabb cuts his penis off with a splintered wooden spoon and feeds it to the 700level.
    Sometimes, after I’m done having coarse, unlubricated anal sex with RHEA HUGHES, we log onto the 700level and vomit all over ourselves. This gets us horny so that we can achieve loose anal penetration once more. Their site design looks like a tuna’s cunt and smells even worse…Oh well, its not like its a straight up wordpress site or anything. ROMNEY 2012 MOTHER FUCKS!

  10. the amount of inferiority complexes coming from all angles here is ridiculous. First and foremost, from Pittsburgh, because their desperate need to step out from the Philly shadow is gratifying to say the least. But people, if you dont like this site, go away. there are people that do, and the dude who created this shouldnt have to go on fucking diatribes to defend it in the comments.

  11. Someone should teach him the difference between your and you’re if he’s going to criticize YOUR writing.

  12. Pittsburgh is the Cataldi family dumping ground. We dump everything from watery diarrhea, to our 3 foot long toe nail clippings, and to our used racoon carcases in that shit hole. We enjoy having our family sex parties there, along with any and all sexual practices involving RHEA HUGHES!

  13. shitsburgh is littered with slack jawed, racist, homophobes that cant seem to acknowledge when they get dominated by a superior team.

  14. @Austin-your daddy name you after the rassler? piitsburgh, red necks dark roots and rust, the ultimate shithole.

  15. While it wasn’t your best work, like Mr. Giroux said, “If they don’t like us… we must be doing something right.”
    Enjoy your summer, Sidney Malkin… wow what a handle

  16. Can we be in agreement that we’ll retire both “Filthadelphia” and “Shittsburgh”? They sound like jokes only 50 year old dads would like.

  17. Kyle Scott does not represent Philly in the least. He’s a spoiled brat who went to a private, my-parents-have-money high school in a suburban area that exudes self-entitlement (and the same for college). Even with those advantages, he ended up contributing so little in life.

  18. the eulogy prob wasn’t the best for what it’s purpose was which was to be funny, however, i respect you more for posting this email on your site to show you’re really not arrogant and you really don’t give a shit…

  19. @Austin… Wow one study done by one economist group based in the UK said Pittsburgh is a good place to live. I guess that’s really all the evidence we need huh? Their word must be the law. No debating here. It’s settled. Everyone pack your things and move to Pittsburgh. Ladies, just make sure to keep your eyes peeled in bar bathrooms when Roethlisberger is around…

  20. Oh yeah, Austin..Because all those Pirate championships are so relevant. Everyone remembers the 1909, 1925 and 1960 wins… I’m sure you were right there in the thick of the action.
    Ya know who cares about all-time championship records and uses them as an insult? People who are stuck in the past and have nothing else to talk about. You sound like a cowboys fan.
    Pirates have sucked for 20 years and the Penguins got outclassed, outscored and outmanned by a Flyers team that has a good chance of winning what all the “experts” were just ready to hand over to the pens. That would tie us with the pens as far as cups, cause, ya know, you guys only have one more than us. Yes, you win with the steelers, the only consistently good team in your city and the only team that doesnt have a bandwagon full of fans…But let me ask ya…Howd they fair against ol Timmy Tebow in round 1 last year? A rapist getting beat by a virgin pew-dweller…Must sting.

  21. The article was a rambling piece of trash, but i still hate Pittsburgh.

  22. And wow…Your city is considered a nice place to live because theres zero nightlife and the average age of the inhabitants is probably 40+. Its a small city with zero pulse. Cool…I’ll take any city, especially Philly, over that.
    One study doesn’t mean theres no shit areas in the city and doesn’t make it better/worse than any other city. The suburbs surrounding Pittsburgh are like going into the deep south. Nothin wrong witht hat, but you can shove your sparkling image up your ass.. You think Pittsburgh is immune from crime? Howre those daily bomb threats at Pittsburgh goin?

  23. How was the dream team that turned out to be more of a nightmare? Furthermore, the Flyers last cup was in 1975…so lets not talk about recent success. You talk about class in hockey players like you didnt praise the “broad street bullies” back in the day…you want to talk about playing dirty? Pathetic. And that study has far more support than just an article in the UK…google it if you can stomach the fact that Pittsburgh isnt as bad as you douchers try to imagine it to be. The facts are there! You just fill your “brains” with what you want to believe. Good luck with that

  24. Personally, I would be honored to get an email like this. Means you did something right. Congrats man, you’ve finally made it to the big show.

  25. Austin what the fuck facts are you talking about? It’s an OPINION by one economist group…

  26. Angelo Cataldi is the strangest person I’ve ever come across. Even for a blog commenter. Wow.

  27. Being bankrupt, no fans, then having 4 straight years of a 1st or 2nd overall pick in the draft brings out the most loyal.

  28. Besides for an ever shrinking few blocks in center city, and old city, Philadelphia is a total shit hole. It’s over run by illegals and welfare queens, not to mention the kenzos. Anyone feel safe walking outside in the NE anymore at around 11pm? Doubt it. Plus, Pittsburgh only has 3 teams, and in the last 10 years has won more championships then philadelphias 4 teams in the last, what?? 30 years. Keep smack talking Philadelphia. The comments about Kyle being a stuck up trust fund baby are not only, true, but hilarious.

  29. I enjoyed your eulogy-but I lost total respect for you when I saw you throw a baseball on Fox.

  30. Austin..We all acknowledge the eagles blew last year. Irrelevant…
    And as far as the pens? Wow, how was fan attendence from the 70s until 2005? One stint of glory sandwhiched between years of empty stadiums and irrelevant teams. You can give me the economics shit all you want, but the team was almost sold to a cornfield and fans DIDN’T CARE. If you had attendence and merchandise sales above 5 people for 10+ years and that wouldn’t even be a problem.
    Flyers, despite not winning a cup recently, have always been relevant and always in the hunt. There always a fun team to watch and are going to win a cup very soon. And you pens fans are funny with the broad street bullies talk. If you had ever watched a hockey game before 2006, youd realize that everybody put that stuff behind them decades ago. Everyone loved the bullies, yes. Still do…but A) the game is much much different now. Shit thats considered “dirty” now was the norm back then. They didn’t wear helmets for christs sakes. B) The bullies defended their own and never backed down from a fight. THey didn’t break the rules and take cheapshots at people, then run and hide behind the linesmen. Nor were they coddled by the league at every twist and turn.
    And I’ve been to pittsburgh. Its a nice place but its boring as shit and for a small city, has enough bad areas in it. Frankly, the whole “my citys better than yours” argument is irrelevant and stupid, and since your pens went home already, is the only thing you have to talk about other than “HEY OUR TEAMS WON CHAMPIONSHIPS YEARS AGO, HAHAHA!” But since you brought it up..Philly, along with every other city, has shit holes in it, and as long as you stay away from those places and be smart, you’re gonna be fine. And again, I’m pretty sure that just the tourism, nightlife and sports scenes alone here all dwarf anything pittsburgh has to offer.

  31. I really think its funny that Pittsburg fans talk trash on any other city. 1st, Pittsburg is not a 4 sport town. 2nd, have you ever been to Pittsburg? The place is a dump and cheap as hell. You can buy a 5 bedroom house for like $100K and still nobody wants to live there, lol. Steelers win a lot of football games. The entire country got to see what little bitches the Pens are after the last series.

  32. Pittsburgh is a black hole of the city. The fans are fair weather but have NOTHING else … so they dwell on the past as they hold their Willie Stargell posters up with one hand and jack it into their “one for the thumb” t-shirt while cleaning up with their terrible towel …
    Seriously, why bother responding, the western side of PA is trash and inbred appalachia people.

  33. Boy, was that missive hilarious in its insanity. Can’t remember the last time I read the rantings of someone THAT butt-hurt. Astonishing.

  34. If you want to look back and live in the past like every pittsurgh d-bag you would see clear as day that philadelphia brings 14 championships to the table as well. Pittsburgh is the biggest shit hole city I’ve been too…a pot hole every 10 feet and the stench of rust and inferiority encompasses that garbage town. Remember when the Pens were about to move because no one cared about them a few years ago?? And now all of a sudden every pittsburgh butt hole loves the Pens and always has…same goes for the steelers. I bet I could name more steelers pre 2005 off the top of my head then 3/4 of their “fans”. They all hopped aboard in 2005 and ride it like they’ve cared since birth. And if the Pirates ever have even a winning season, and thats a humangous big IF, I’m sure they’ll all be right on board that team talking like they actually know what baseball is. Just look what that shit hole drove Roberto Clemente to do

  35. wow. he rips on you and yet his grammar is atrocious (highlighted by the simple you’re/your mix up) and his barrage of homophobic insults is despicable.
    and yet, philly is the classless place.

  36. @Austin You and your Pittsburgh buddies are trolling every Philly sports site I read is the Inferiority Complex I am talking about bud. You’re bringing up per-capita murder rates? Christ, you’re grasping at straws. Stay with me, dummy.

  37. I guess Pittsburgh forgot all about Phila Wings, Soul, Kixx & Phantoms. They rain championships!
    Pittsburgh fans are like Dallas fans, can only throw the # of championship’s in others faces. You lost! Suck it up, get ready for next year. Fill your coal-cracking faces up with Primanti Bro’s sandwiches.

  38. I seriously love how all the shitsburgh fans comment on how their city has more championships than philly… I want to know how exactly those championships are in any way relevent to the series that was just played. Do prior champioships give teams an “edge” in the playoffs? NO!. The fact of the matter is that the Flyers owned the Penguins this year, the year that counts for the 2012 Stanley Cup Championship. The Cup is not a measure of how good a team has been… it is a feet accomplished by a team and its performance in the CURRENT SEASON. And how in any way does a Superbowl win influence the performance of a hockey team? Seriously, these stupid, arrogant, jealous fans who have to resort to irrelevent facts in an attempt to make themselves feel better because their golden child and his sidekick were shut down by Coots and Giroux, causing an against “All-vegas-Odds” end to their season.

  39. 7. Pittsburgh – 14 Championships
    The Steel City has had success in all three sports it plays—the Steelers’ six Super Bowl trophies are the most of any team, and the Penguins have won three Stanley Cup trophies, most recently in 2009. The Pirates, who haven’t finished above .500 since 1992, enjoyed success during the 1970s and in the early part of the 20th century—they’ve won five World Series.
    6. Philadelphia – 17 Championships
    Philadelphia has won 17 championships, but Philly fans will insist they are long-suffering. The Eagles’ three championships all came pre-Super Bowl, and the Flyers’ two Stanley Cups came in 1974 and 1975. The last of the 76ers’ three championships came in 1983. The city of brotherly love’s saving grace? The Phillies won the latest of their two World Series in 2008. Philadelphia’s most successful team doesn’t even play in the city anymore—between 1910 and 1930 the Connie Mack-managed Philadelphia Athletics were the only team to regularly challenge the New York Yankees for American League dominance, winning five World Series between those years. The team moved to Kansas City in 1955 before moving to Oakland in 1968. The Philadelphia Warriors basketball team also won two championships before moving to San Francisco.

  40. Hey look, another Penguins fans crying. The past 20 days… well, 20 years, that’s all i’ve seen.

  41. @Stat man… again your facts are irrelvent to the fact the the Penguins are playing golf right now and not preparing for the next round. Boasting about past teams just reinforces my belief that you are just a stupid, arrogant, “dwells in the past”… crybaby… just like your captain.

  42. Austin,
    I live in Pittsburgh – it’s not the number 1 city to live in by a long shot. The only reason it’s ranked so high is the cost of living, which would infer that Pittsburgh is poor. Further, the only redeeming qualities of the city are the University of Pittsburgh and Carnegie Mellon. Without those two universities Pittsburgh would be a shell of what it currently is now – which is a second rate city.

  43. kyle, hello how are you. I am a professor at Harvard Journalism School. Please conctact me at 1-800- I suck. I made that line especially for you. YOLO

  44. Well to be fair, that Penguins eulogy was terrible. But coming from someone who tries to be witty/funny all the time I’m not surprised you went against the grain trying to be “creative.” So disappointing.

  45. I thought Stat man was proving that Philly actually has more championships…
    Why are we giving Pens more time to talk…move on already we got 2nd round to worry about they have golf to worry about.

  46. Who’s calling the kettle pathetic? Let them crow, we move on, they play golf…who cares!

  47. Austin drinks Sid’s and Geno’s kids every night. Pittsburgh is a shit hole of a city and my piss all over the streets from my visit a couple of weeks ago is the proof

  48. What’s the problem now Kyle?! Put some jam in your writing for christs sake. let this one burn and do a better job next time

  49. Mac Miller is from Pittsburgh…Point Breeze if my memory serves correct.

  50. Most irrelevant backlash ever. It’s possible he cried more than Sid after the series was over. Carry on Kyle, carry on. I’m a dedicated lifer Flyers fan — and I couldn’t have written the eulogy any better.
    The articles on this site more often than not exemplify the way a true Philadelphia should feel.

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