This Weekend, Chipper Jones Randomly Accused the Phillies of Stealing Signs

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What the hell, man? We take(over) one trip to D.C. and the whole baseball world starts slinging mud at each other?

We should go more often.

On Saturday, two old men yelled at each other to get off their respective lawns. Jamie Moyer accused Chipper Jones – on second base at the time – of stealing signs from the catcher… and stepping on his petunias.



After the game, Jones spoke with the media, as baseball players have been known to do: [via Yahoo! and Braves reporter Mark Bowman]

Chipper said he told a couple Rockies he would discuss things w/ Moyer if he wanted to meet him in the hallway last night.

More #Braves Chipper on Moyer "I mean, dude, we don't need signs, especially for him. I mean, my goodness, every pitch is 78. Come on."

"You question our integrity, that's wrong," Jones said. "I've never accused him of doctoring a baseball. I've never accused him of over-milligraming, nothing. That's [garbage] and he woke us up. I didn't see any signs on the 900-foot homers that were hit."


Then, LARRY LARRY LARRY had some not so nice things to say about… the Phillies:

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Screen Shot 2012-05-07 at 2.06.34 PM

Totally unnecessary. That’s like when daddy and daughter fight and, for no apparent reason, the father releases some buried suspicion by throwing out a “just because your mother is a whore doesn’t mean you can wear skirts like that.”

Music stops. 

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Um, no, Larry. My mommy isn’t a whore. She just happened to catch the eye of a certain Phillies bullpen coach, who used giant binocs to check out her cans. No one was cheating.*

And that, folks, is how you bring a convoluted joke full-circle in 35 words or less. Here all week.

*We don't know that for sure, but we'll just pretend Mick Billmeyer wasn't stealing signs in the summer of 2010… and for two seasons before that when the Phillies went to the World Series.

[Related: Jamie Moyer's foundation is safe and secure with New York Life, who donated $1 million]

8 Responses

  1. I can’t believe I have to sit through a whole summer of mediocre baseball, with no Stanley Cup to celebrate.
    God, where’s my gun…

  2. I love sitting through an awful 30 second wild turkey commercial to watch a 20 second video in which nothing happens.

  3. @El Fantastico – I tried to hit the replay to see what I missed the first time and had to sit through that Wild Turkey commerical a second time.

  4. Wouldn’t the offense be a bit better, not on the decline the past few years, if the Phils were stealing signs? I know about the whole incident in 2010, but if the Phils are stealing signs, they sure don’t seem to know what do with them!

  5. Goof hit the nail on the head! (I just hope he didn’t steal a sign to know where the nail was!)

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