We should go more often.
On Saturday, two old men yelled at each other to get off their respective lawns. Jamie Moyer accused Chipper Jones – on second base at the time – of stealing signs from the catcher… and stepping on his petunias.
Chipper said he told a couple Rockies he would discuss things w/ Moyer if he wanted to meet him in the hallway last night.
More #Braves Chipper on Moyer "I mean, dude, we don't need signs, especially for him. I mean, my goodness, every pitch is 78. Come on."
"You question our integrity, that's wrong," Jones said. "I've never accused him of doctoring a baseball. I've never accused him of over-milligraming, nothing. That's [garbage] and he woke us up. I didn't see any signs on the 900-foot homers that were hit."
Then, LARRY LARRY LARRY had some not so nice things to say about… the Phillies:
Totally unnecessary. That’s like when daddy and daughter fight and, for no apparent reason, the father releases some buried suspicion by throwing out a “just because your mother is a whore doesn’t mean you can wear skirts like that.”
Um, no, Larry. My mommy isn’t a whore. She just happened to catch the eye of a certain Phillies bullpen coach, who used giant binocs to check out her cans. No one was cheating.*
And that, folks, is how you bring a convoluted joke full-circle in 35 words or less. Here all week.
*We don't know that for sure, but we'll just pretend Mick Billmeyer wasn't stealing signs in the summer of 2010… and for two seasons before that when the Phillies went to the World Series.[Related: Jamie Moyer's foundation is safe and secure with New York Life, who donated $1 million]