Cole Hamels Intentionally Plunked Douchebag Bryce Harper Last Night

Screen Shot 2012-05-07 at 8.16.40 AM

Death
: Well, that would just leave England. Wait. Wait, I have it. I'm a genius. You'll kill the kids from Dawson's Creek!

Peter: I knew it! I knew it! As soon as that show came on the air, I said: "I'm gonna be the one who has to kill these kids."

 

That was Peter Griffin, in an episode of Family Guy, where Death told him that, to make the world right after escaping his own demise, he would have to kill someone in a way that got the world's attention. 

I imagine Cole Hamels had a similar reaction when he read about Bryce Harper in ESPN Magazine.

As we – slowly – get started following last night’s successful Takeover of NATITUDE Park, here’s today’s top story, for better or worse:

Hamels admitted to plunking douchebag Bryce Harper in the first inning last night. Here’s what the suddenly sexy pitcher told reporters after the game: [via the Inquirer’s Matt Gelb and ESPN

“I was trying to hit him. I'm not going to deny it. It's something I grew up watching. That's what happened. I'm just trying to continue the old baseball. Some people get away from it. I remember when I was a rookie, the strike zone was really, really small and you didn't say anything. That's the way baseball is. Sometimes the league is protecting certain players and making it not that old-school prestigious way of baseball.”

 

Swoooon

Hamels pitched beautifully, giving up only one run and five hits in eight innings, but it’s going to be that quote by which we remember this outing. 

With all of his talent, Harper punked his way through the minor leagues and experienced a debut week unlike few before him. Antics like blowing a kiss at a pitcher, which he did at the lower levels, weren’t going to fly in the big leagues. And while the 19-year-old phenom hasn’t yet done any of that stuff in the Show, Cole just wanted to remind him that opposing pitchers can very easily make you hurt, should you get out-of-line.  

The self-policing was done right, too. If you’re going to hit a player intentionally, you do it with a fastball and you do it in the middle of the back, near the numbers. It stings, but won’t otherwise injure the batter. It’s something that, quite frankly, Phillies pitchers could stand doing a bit more. One thing that has bothered me over the past two years is the fact that even with all of their competitiveness, Roy Halladay and Cliff Lee have never set the tone for the entire staff by plunking a deserving (or even an undeserving) hitter. There have been times – say, following a brawl in San Francisco – where a four-seamer to the back wouldn’t have been the worst way for the Phillies to show some life. So, after dropping two straight to their new rivals this weekend, it was nice to see Hamels kick things up a notch by smacking the douchey pup in the first inning.

Harper got his revenge by stealing home a few minutes later, but that would be it for the Nats off Hamels, who cruised to victory. 

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27 Comments

  • Rhea Hughes May 7, 2012 at 8:52 am

    This story makes my crotch moist

  • Adam from Claymont May 7, 2012 at 9:03 am

    Love cole hitting this punkass, love him flat out admitting it too! just for Shiggles(shits and giggles), i decided to check out the DC announcers during the first 2 games this weekend. it was flat out pathetic. i am a homer as much as anyone and i have been known to love players too much, but this was flat out CRAZY. They were saying bryce harper made EVERYTHING happen, which led me to dub him “DC Jesus”…. but no lie, the Nats announcers were finding reasons to suck his dick. Werth hits that homer in game 2, “thats all because Bryce got on base, b/c they didnt want to pitch to him.” Guy ahead of harper gets on base, same thing… The guy in the 7 hole gets a hit “well thats what happens when you can move this guy to the 7 hole with a player like harper batting 3rd”

  • James May 7, 2012 at 9:08 am

    Dear RAJ,
    Please get the Hamels deal done ASAP. Stop comparing him to Cliff Lee and saying things along the lines of, “well Cole and Cliff are a little different, Cliff is a Cy Young winner, blah, blah blah.” In case you’ve forgotten Cole is a World Series and NLCS MVP. I’m pretty sure Cliff would trade his CY Young for a ring and MVP honors. Cole needs to remain with this organization for years to come. He is your youngest ace and it would be a terrible mistake losing him. Get it done RAJ!!!

  • Bruce Dickinson May 7, 2012 at 9:09 am

    Bryce maybe DC Jesus, but he will never be as good as the great Bruce Dickinson. I’m a legend.

  • Stevie Radio May 7, 2012 at 9:09 am

    I’d trade Cole for Harper today.

  • Shiva H. Vishnu May 7, 2012 at 9:26 am

    Meanwhile, we lost the series. Sweet takeover. #2012phail

  • Rpink24 May 7, 2012 at 9:35 am

    @Shiva, from my count the series was a three way tie. gNats 1, Phils 1, Ghost of Joe West 1

  • smfiv May 7, 2012 at 9:42 am

    Plunking him is one (awesome) thing, but admitting it is just setting yourself up for a suspension. That was dumb on Hamels part.

  • Bill May 7, 2012 at 9:51 am

    Yeah, Hamels will get a 5 games suspension for that

  • 3 Finger Lenny May 7, 2012 at 9:58 am

    Cole was just police-ing the game

  • Dan Theman May 7, 2012 at 10:05 am

    Cole gave me a boner.
    Trade Cliff Lee for a bat and sign Hamels…

  • Cole has Bigger balls than Doc and Lee May 7, 2012 at 10:06 am

    5 games, who cares? Instead of starting the 5th game, he’ll start the 6th…..

  • Chunk May 7, 2012 at 10:11 am

    Good for Cole, why he isn’t signed yet blows my mind.
    Yeah your takeover was a success, I imagined you’d say nothing but that. Truth is, the Phils lost 2 to the Nats and your “takeover” was meaning less.

  • OneManWolfpack May 7, 2012 at 10:25 am

    NATITUDE.

  • NickFromGermantown May 7, 2012 at 10:26 am

    Kyle, I think you are more obnoxious than Bryce Harper. He’s a good player. I don’t know why he deserves so much hate. Considering how hard he plays, it’s not like he’s a hotdogging slouch.

  • Wiles May 7, 2012 at 10:41 am

    Anyone who hates Bryce Harper is doing so because they are salty he’s not on the Phillies and that’s it. Ok so he blew a kiss at a pitcher in the minors…everything he has done since has been spot on. I wish the Phils had a guy who played the game with such intensity…not named Roy Halladay.

  • James May 7, 2012 at 10:42 am

    Well said MPH. And Friday’s game should’ve been a win had it not been for a blown call by an umpire. No big deal though, bad calls happen all the time.

  • You are all idiots May 7, 2012 at 11:02 am

    You are all idiots.

  • FACE May 7, 2012 at 11:26 am

    Contract extension or we riot.
    FACE

  • Sam May 7, 2012 at 11:38 am

    He blew a kiss at a pitcher in the minors is going to be the equivalent of throwing snowballs at Santa. Get the whole story – Harper was thrown inside earlier in the game and one of the Grasshoppers (Marlins) hot dogged around the bases in a one wing down trot. It was not a big deal and it happened in the minors, you know, the bush league. He has done nothing yet that doesn’t command respect. It’s going to be a long 20 years or so with him in the NL east and I wish the Phillies had any prospect of this magnitude

  • gunnar May 7, 2012 at 12:06 pm

    and HARPER IS A “DOUCHBAG” for what reason? you’re a moron. COLE HAMELS IS A PUSSY. that was a pussy move. not old school, he is a old fool.

  • gunnar May 7, 2012 at 12:07 pm

    faggy phillys worried about a 19year old rookie.
    pathetic no class bunch of pussys

  • TMac eats a lot of pussy May 7, 2012 at 12:34 pm

    Harper will never be in the NL East for 20 years. He will be in a Yankees uniform and out of the DC shithole as soon as his contract is up. Then we can hate him just as much as A-rod.

  • LisaR May 7, 2012 at 1:29 pm

    I say way to go Cole…the Nats franchise thinks they have someone as good as when sliced bread came out well then….give him a slice…welcome to the big leagues….I am sure it happens all the time so why make a big deal out of this…Zimmerman then hit Cole so big deal….Cole showed balls and I liked it!

  • HamelsIsABro May 7, 2012 at 4:18 pm

    There is NOTHING wrong with Hamels hitting Harper, and then admitting he did it intentionally.
    Everyone in the Nationals front office has been trying to manufacture a rivalry with the Phillies since the beginning of the season, similar to a Yankees-Red Sox rivalry. Players get hit intentionally all the time in those games. So, in a sense, they wanted the rivalry, and Hamels was more than happy to oblige. Therefore, the Nationals got what they deserved.
    Also, let’s not overlook the fact that throwing at Bryce Harper was the ultimate bro-move by Hamels. The team has been struggling to put runs across the plate, and had just lost the first two games of the series. Hamels knew that plunking Harper could result in runs scoring (which it did) and still made the choice to hit him, because he was confident that A) he would shut down the Nationals the rest of the game (which he did, because he’s Cole Hamels) and B) that his team would score enough runs to win the game. If that’s not bro, I’m not sure what is.

  • oakley sunglass wholesale May 7, 2012 at 10:27 pm

    I tell myself I must have faith. Rushangshenglongba

  • You are all idiots May 7, 2012 at 11:20 pm

    Cole Hamels pitches with a spiky dildo lodged up his ass. But hey, whatever works.

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