Morning Wood: Joe Blanton Had Sex Yesterday

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Yesterday, following a THREE-HIT SHUTOUT performance, the fat man, Joe Blanton, conducted his post-game interview from an exercise bike. It was a move that surprised beat writers, who were in awe as the pitcher effortlessly answered their questions, mid-workout: 

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Boss indeed. 

Blanton had just thrown his first complete game shutout with the Phillies (contract year…), and awwww hell yeah, you be damn sure the occasion was going to be celebrated.

One teammate, presumably with a sick sense of humor or a hilarious taste in music (looking at you, Shane), cranked up Lonely Island’s I Just Had Sex (as originally captured in this video by beat writer David Hale), while uncomfortable scriptuals interviewed the man of the hour.

The euphoric parody fit the occasion. Blanton had pitched beautifully. He was brilliantly efficient, throwing only 86 pitches, and seemingly (adverbs FTW!) had enough energy and adrenaline left in reserves that he could have thrown 86 more. We don’t want to say he was gloating, or showing off by riding the stationary bike, but he was proud of the effort and wanted to tell us all about it. In fact, it was almost like he too Just Had Sex.

We felt he deserved a remix. Do enjoy it.


10 Responses

  1. Good for him. Overall, he has been a serviceable starter on the back end of the rotation, which comes with equal shares of average performances, total clunkers, and even a 3-hit shutout. If I were him, I would want to get off this ship before it sinks.

  2. more appropriate title would be joe blanton had sex yesterday, with a donut….. cause he is a fatty

  3. Jackoffs, he’s our 4/5 starter, give him a fucking break, he’s been good this year

  4. You probably didnt know this, but Joe Blanton always rides a bike during post game.
    You know why you didnt know this? Because no one ever interview Joe Blanton post game.

  5. People forget that Big Joe was THE trade-deadline pickup in 2008. Down the stretch that year, he was 4-0 and the Phils won every game he started (i.e. he pitched well enough to keep them in games).
    He was serviceable in 2009, right before he was signed to his somewhat deserved (albeit inflated) extension, then struggled with various injuries in 2010 and 2011.
    What I’m trying to say is, Joe Blanton is a good pitcher when he’s healthy. Anybody would look like a chump in a rotation with 33, 34 and 35.

  6. Probably the best outing of his career. Joe has been a solid pitcher for the phils in his tenure here, I’m not surprised to see him throw a few gems a year. Hopefully this series win will ignite a fire under the offense for a big weekend series.

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