Morning Wood: Plump and Pudgy

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Chooooooooch.

Endearingly Fat Chooch continued his torrid hitting. He had four hits and three RBIs, and is now batting .364 on the season. I don’t know what he did over the offseason, whether he lifted a ton of weights or just sat under a mango tree somewhere and ate donuts, but it’s working. The fatter he gets, the better he plays.  Video here.

Screen Shot 2012-05-18 at 9.11.28 AMPic via reader John

The Phillies won their fifth straight game last night, beating the Cubs, 8-7. The game wasn’t that close, however. Charlie Manuel gave Jake Diekman a chance to close out the game, up 8-3. That didn’t go so well. The rookie pitcher – who looks like Rube Baker if Rube Baker was a troubled farm boy that shot his mother with a sawed-off shotgun and explained his actions by saying “I don’t know, Mommy just needed to die” – couldn’t find the strike zone. He walked two, gave up a hit, and was charged with four earned runs before Jonathan Papelbon came in to get the save. 

Yeah, he’s not ready for the ninth yet. 

Papelbon’s Stare 

Speaking of psychos… Papelbon’s old team comes to town tonight. Last night, David Ortiz tweeted that he’d rather not see that stare:

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Screen Shot 2012-05-18 at 9.19.22 AM

Utley’s New Knees

No timetable for Chase yet. The Delco Times has more.

T-Mac’s Limited Vocabulary 

Literally, at the end of every game, Tom McCarthy says the player of the game had a heckuva game. I can’t take it anymore. Can’t do it. There has to be another adjective out there besides heckuva to describe Carlos Ruiz’s four-hit performance. Outstanding. Stellar. Awe-inspiring. Wonderful. Brilliant. Great. Something. SOMETHING ELSE, TOM!

Punch Cole Hamels! Step Right Up and Punch Cole Hamels!

Ryan Zimmerman, speaking to Jim Rome, still can’t figure out why Hamels plunked douchebag Bryce Harper

Piere Plays Poker at Parx

Paul Pierce was again playing poker at Parx Casino:

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 Pic via reader Anthony

Quizzo Winners

Congrats to Cut. It. Out. for winning last night’s Philly Sports in Movies quizzo at Drinker’s:

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That dude oughta know his fly is down. 

Birds

Eagles are serious contenders for Yerimiah Bell.

Plugs

Tickets for the Phillies Red Sox series are available on Crossing Broad Tickets for as low as $20. 

H/T (@paulglester) and(@CaptnPhightin

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25 Responses

  1. Are they the only people who show up for Quizzo? they seem to win alot… How’s that Barcelona thing working out for you Dude? next year that asshat will have a Man City Aguero kit.

  2. >>>Tom McCarthy says the player of the game had a heckuva game. I can’t take it anymore. Can’t do it. There has to be another adjective out there besides heckuva to describe Carlos Ruiz’s four-hit performance
    HOW ABOUT THAT?

  3. Let’s see if you get blasted by all the feminazis for posting a picture of a dude with his fly down. I mean, it’s all about equality, right? So they MUST be outraged, otherwise they are just a bunch of hypocritical cunts.

  4. @Lt. – LOL
    @Frankie – Please don’t ever compare McCarthy to Graham again. Ever.
    Chooch is insane.

  5. Rich Dubee raved all the live long day about how great this Diekman kid was back in spring training, even went so far as to say he’d love to be his agent. So what does the kid do when put into a non-save situation with the Phils up 8-3 last night? He shit the bed which had me screaming bloody murder, forcing Uncle Charlie to put Papelbon in. Yeah, I’d say Diekman isn’t ready for the pressure yet. Urgh!

  6. 1. nova sucks
    2. Im beginning to be thankful for my job making me work at nights so I get to listen to the radio broadcast instead of Tmac and Wheels. Franzke and LA are so far ahead of those 2 clowns I’d almost rather listen than watch.

  7. @Flash Yet, we’ve seen what he can do when thrown right into a pressure situation….he’ll get better with time.

  8. Enough with calling Chooch fat. Love your stuff, but it’s amazingly clear after reading your site for a few years that you have serious issues with folks of a wide girth. Get over it. Signed- A Fat Guy.

  9. 1. These seem to be the only people that go to your quizzo events.
    2. She doesn’t like it on her face, she prefers to swallow.
    3. Didn’t this guy have his fly down the last time they won or something?
    4. @PhillyFlash – give the kid some time. He came out throwing like the Tugger in his first appearance which was in a pressure situation and then shit the bed last night. Now we get to see how good of a pitching coach Dubee really is.

  10. Todd & James: Yeah, you guys are probably right about Diekman. I guess I was just pissed off and impatient because of Phillies Bullpen Fatigue and how I’ve watched those firestarters blow lead after lead so far this season. I certainly hope Dubee’s right and this kid is the real McCoy.

  11. Really? Chooch isn’t “fat”. Has anyone seen Prince Fielder lately?
    Chooch is a fucking catcher. He’s supposed to have a few extra pounds, but calling him fat just sounds dumb.

  12. stop saying chooch is fat, he’s clearly put on muscle and reduced the leg kick in his swing. that’s why he’s been a beast. if you hit the gym regularly or knew anything about baseball you’d know why he’s been carrying us….you tard

  13. Agree with Tyson and Blonders… Chooch isn’t fat at all. He’s bigger this year, but he’s also solid. Much more relaxed and mechanically sound at the plate… “as well.”

  14. FUCK YOU CUNT!! DON’T YOU DARE TALK ABOUT MY MAN CARLOS RUIZ WHO’S MORE OF A MAN THAN YOUR PUSSYASSHOLE FAGGOT IS!!

    GO SUCK ON A COCK AND CHOKE BITCH!!

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