Antonio Bastardo Got Punched in the Face by a Squat Machine

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Antonio Bastardo was unavailable to pitch on Friday night because he lost an altercation with a squat machine after allowing a run in Minnesota on Wednesday night. provides a few details: 

He took his anger out on a squat machine, which returned the favor. He required stitches to close a large cut above his left eye, which was nearly swollen shut after Friday's game.


There are two reactions here. My first was: Of course Antonio Bastardo and his Centaurian ass would injure their eye on a squat machine! You think he’s shaped like a half-man, half-horse through genetics? No way. Squats all day. Every day. A man’s (horse's?) greatest strength is his greatest weakness, and that squat machine was bound to claim a mild victory.

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My second reaction, which came a moment later, was to write a post about it… because we finally have an excuse to talk about Bastardo’s massive lower half.

This team it too hatable to even be mad at right now.


13 Responses

  1. This whole team can punch themselves in the face! Little leaguers play better ball!!

  2. Funny, I bought a legit Papelbon shirtsey for $12 today at Marshalls – looks like they’re packing it in early on Phils merchandise this year.

  3. I’ve been calling him Buttstardo for a pretty long time now. I always thought it would make a very cool t-shirt. Ahem! I’d buy one.

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