Antonio Bastardo Got Punched in the Face by a Squat Machine

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Antonio Bastardo was unavailable to pitch on Friday night because he lost an altercation with a squat machine after allowing a run in Minnesota on Wednesday night.

Philly.com provides a few details: 

He took his anger out on a squat machine, which returned the favor. He required stitches to close a large cut above his left eye, which was nearly swollen shut after Friday's game.

 

There are two reactions here. My first was: Of course Antonio Bastardo and his Centaurian ass would injure their eye on a squat machine! You think he’s shaped like a half-man, half-horse through genetics? No way. Squats all day. Every day. A man’s (horse's?) greatest strength is his greatest weakness, and that squat machine was bound to claim a mild victory.

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My second reaction, which came a moment later, was to write a post about it… because we finally have an excuse to talk about Bastardo’s massive lower half.

This team it too hatable to even be mad at right now.

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13 Responses

  1. This whole team can punch themselves in the face! Little leaguers play better ball!!

  2. Funny, I bought a legit Papelbon shirtsey for $12 today at Marshalls – looks like they’re packing it in early on Phils merchandise this year.

  3. I’ve been calling him Buttstardo for a pretty long time now. I always thought it would make a very cool t-shirt. Ahem! I’d buy one.

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