Flyers Hire Terry Murray to Coach Phantoms, Lappy as Director of Player Development

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"One day, John, we're going to LA, where I'll hire you as my assistant after you get fired here before I get fired there and return here, where I will likely hire you again someday. Incest."


Flyers conference room, Voorhees, New Jersey 

Paul Holmgren: So, Us West won the Cup. Need to do something here. Thoughts?

Peter Luuko: Let’s build a bowling alley next to Xfinity Live! 

Ed Snider: No. An amusement park. We’ll somehow get Comcast, AT&T and Verizon to all partner up, again, as sponsors. Well call it… Nation’s Largest 4G Xfinity Fios Park… Live!

Paul Holmgren: Guys, I have an organization to construct. And a gun. I think it’s a water pistol, but I’m not sure. Will someone tell me what to do with these things?

Ed Snider: Fans can watch live games – for a small fee, of course [laughs, sips wine] – on a small plasma, while on the coaster, called Bully. Better yet, the ride will go upside down so all the change spills out of their po… 

Peter Luuko: I can get a licensing deal. 

Ed Snider: For what?

Peter Luuko: I don’t know, but that’s what I’m good at. 

Ed Snider: What the hell would we license?

Peter Luuko: I… I’m… I’ll get NBC Sports Network to air an anti-bullying "PSA" brought to you by… wait for it… Bully, the ride! Synergy! Fuck yes!

Ed Snider: God, you're so hot. 

Paul Holmgren: Guys. [stares at gun, thinks about shooting it at Giroux] Need to do something here. Can I get a go-ahead on Parise? Or something?

Ed Snider: Terry. Murray.

Paul Holmgren: But the Kings fired h… 

Ed Snider: Terry Murray. Phantoms. He can replace Peter when we grow tired of him. Put in a call on that two-way forward they have out there, too. Reminds me of Clarkie. 

Paul Holmgren: Bu… [looks at gun, again] fine.


I had 45 days until the Flyers started rebranding themselves as Kings East, bringing back former organization members.

As was rumored all week, the Flyers have officially named former coach Terry Murray the head coach of the Adirondack Phantoms. Murray, who famously declared that the Flyers going down 3-0 to the Red Wings in the 1997 Stanley Cup Finals was a “choking situation,” was most recently the head coach of the LA Kings, before being fired in the middle of this season.

He was still receiving a paycheck from the Stanley Cup champs, as his contract with them ran through 2012-2013.

Meanwhile, as Ian Laperriere’s contract officially comes off the books, the Flyers have named Lappy Director of Player Development. 

Come close to winning today… walk have a job forever. 


7 Responses

  1. You are to young to be this bitter. Its bad for your health, I’m worried about you good sir.

  2. I expect better from you.
    You were a mid to late first rounder with a ton of upside.

  3. You’re not ZWR, don’t try to be. He’s funny. You’re not. Stick with emulating Dan Gross. Or TMZ.

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