Phillies Front Office Holds Closed Doors Meeting, Lincoln Financial Field Renovations, and an Update on Cole Hamels’ Bulge

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8:46 a.m. and I’ve already applied talcum to crevasses that don’t see light. It’s going to be hot today, kids. Stay cool. Stay inside. Stay thirsty, I suppose, too.

A brief roundup for this Wednesday morning:

– The Phillies brass held a three-hour meeting yesterday, presumably to discuss matters such as Freddy Galvis’ then upcoming suspension, David Herndon having Tommy John surgery, Mike Stutes needing exploratory surgery, and Laynce Nix suffering a setback with his calf injury. Oh, and probably being 78 games out of first. []

So what was so important that it took nearly three hours to discuss?

"We talked about how things are going and how we can improve," Amaro said. "Outside of that, there's not much I'm going to say publicly."


I bet, Rube. I bet.

– The Eagles are planning up to $100 million in completely unnecessary renovations to The Linc. The Sports Business Journal adds some details:

In order of importance, the document lists the priorities as video board replacements, seating bowl fill-ins in the northeast and southwest corners, new field-level clubs, renovations to clubs on the east and west sides, suite improvements and gate entry upgrades.


Funny, the reported plans make no mention of those wind turbines that were supposed to be completed last year.  

In November, Nick Fierro of the Allentown Morning Call updated the status of the windmills, which had already been featured in Madden. Apparently, they would have generated too much power, so the Eagles searched for a new partner: 

So the team had to start over with a new partner — one that it has declined to identify — in a project that involves more solar power, less natural gas and less power overall.

However, by the time of its anticipated completion next August, the club says, the system will be able to boast the largest kilowatt-hour output in the NFL when compared to stadiums with similar configurations, such as the ones used by the Seattle Seahawks and the Washington Redskins, this week's opponent.

The output will be between 3.7 to 4.0 million kilowatt hours a year, according to Eagles chief operating office Don Smolenski.

This will mostly be generated by enormous state-of-the-art solar panels that will be placed all around and on top of Lincoln Financial Field. The new plan also calls for the construction of wind turbines.


You see that bolded line in there? Next August? That’s, like, a month from now. I sees no wind turbines. But I do see the reported $100 million in upgrades to luxury suites, concessions and power-hogging video boards to play gratuitous and synergistic Angry Birds animations of some cartoon pigeon penetrating Tony Romo. Or whatever the new Mighty Philadelphia Eagle’s finishing move will be.

UPDATE: While still no update on energy-saving initiative, some in the comments point out that wind turbines were scrapped because they would cast shadows on field.

– Finally, +5 million to the Cole Hamels Millions Meter. Cole threw eight innings, gave up six hits, two runs, struck out seven and walked three. CHMM: $147 million.

Some additional info on his bulge: Our spy, who (we know) was backstage at Shane Victorino’s Fashion Show, got some clarifying info on Hamels’ bulge (seen here). Turns out it was even better and delightfully more ridiculous than a sock stuffed inside his clam diggers: 

I learned that it wasn't a sock, but actually a water bottle that he stuck down his pants.

As for extra details there weren't a ton. He was with a ton of other Phils that were getting dressed for the show. They would come out of their fitting into this larger room, which was decorated with old and expensive paintings of EVERY Republican President that has been in office since the Union League opened.

So with the eyes of Lincoln, Reagan, Teddy Roosevelt, and both Bushes staring down at him, Cole came sashaying out pelvis first to get some laughs. Of course he got them especially from the wives/girlfriends that were also there, although his wife was not present. They took a group photo which I believe he kept it in for. He was very proud of his bottle and his Dirk Digler moment.


+2 million more for it being a water bottle. CHMM: $149 million.


7 Responses

  1. Dear Kyle,
    This is an intervention. Your family, friends, and blog readers are deeply concerned with your addiction… to penises. It is starting to interfere with your work and personal life. We would like you to check yourself into the Club Risque rehab program, where you will experience the female anatomy every day during your 30 day stint.
    Your concerned readers

  2. they said the wind turbines would cast shadows on the field, thats why they didnt go through with it

  3. Kyle, wind turbines we’re scrapped as there was concern they would cast moving shadows on the playing surface.
    Energy project will likely just consist of large solar array on the flat, top of the stadium as well as a vertical array on the southern facing facade, which faces 95.
    Stadiums energy use is somewhat unique. They use a TON of energy for very short, isolated time frames (games, concerts, etc), and relatively little the rest of the year. Rather than build capacity capable of handling the peak load, it’s better to utilize a smaller, net-metered system which will enable the facility to sell back to the grid throughout the year, and buy back during the energy-intensive events.

  4. Every time I think of Cole and his water bottle, I think of the metal detector scene in Spinal Tap. Keep rocking Cole…

  5. All the signs were there, the blog title, (crossing) as in cross dressing the (broad) as in i’m a broad trapped in a weak male’s body. There were the constant references to penises, pissing, pics of stallions. All the TMZ articles about carter and richards and the underlying dissapointment that thier dicks were getting wet instead of choco-dipped. It took 3 posts in 12 hours about Cole Hamels bulge to make me realize Mrs. CB is most likely a young boy. You should just come out dude and write the sports colunm at City Paper. There is no shame in it Kyle. We’ll understand.

  6. If they are filling in some of the openings in the corners, adding a new on-field suite level, and a bunch of other improvements…..Anyone else think they might be making a play to host a Super Bowl?
    I know part of it was that the Linc desperately needed more seating…but especially if all goes well in New York (next year?) the possibility could be there.

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