The Kings are parading through the streets of Los Angeles today. Mike Richards and Jeff Carter – the toxic, cancerous duo, who are incapable of fostering a healthy and winning environment – will be on bus 6:
But the burning question – burning like an STD that you may or may not be able to acquire at the hands loins of a partying NHLer with a reputation for shtupping girls on both coasts – is whether or not Carts will bring the Cup to Sea Isle, where he owns a house on the bay on [redacted] street.
Our friend Mike Gill (@973ESPN), from 97.3 ESPN in South Jersey, tweeted a few weeks ago that he was told Carter would, in fact, celebrate at the Shore if the Kings won. Which they did.
To be honest, I’m a bit disappointed that we haven’t heard much either way. But I wouldn’t be surprised if that was the case. Carts has only lived in LA for a few months. He hated Columbus. And seemingly spent more time in Philly and Sea Isle than he did his hometown in Canada over the last six years. So, yeah, bringing the Cup to Sea Isle, where many of his friends are, seems plausible, if not likely.
But this is all just a long-winded way of setting up this lazy advice column (if you can call it that) written by Ed Barkowitz, but apparently voiced by an unknown editor, in today’s Daily News:
The next thing he needs to do is plan his day with the Stanley Cup. It's a terrific hockey tradition, and Carter should consider bringing it to Sea Isle, the wonderful Jersey shore town where the Toronto-native still owns a home. If so, here are some can't-miss spots for Lord Stanley's chalice courtesy of a Daily News editor/wannabe beach bum who wished to remain anonymous:
The outside Carousel bar at the Springfield Inn. The Springfield is celebrating its 40th anniversary this summer. Sadly, it's been nearly as long since the Flyers won the Cup.
No-shower happy-hour at the OD. Can you imagine what a Cup appearance would do for the vibe? The only thing better would be to make bikini tops optional.
Does the brand-new Catholic church on Landis Ave. still have bills to pay? Pass the Cup instead of the basket. Watch the donations skyrocket.
Oops. Just went over the bridge into Avalon, summer home of Bob Clarke. U-turn, and fast!
Jesus Christ, guys, don’t strain yourselves with those punchlines. Like, how fucking long did it take you to come up with the concept for this story? Hey, I know! Let’s state the obvious and say Jeff Carter should bring the Cup to Sea Isle, and we’ll dig deep into our memories and mention the two biggest bars, which, ironically, aren’t the one that Carter frequents most– La Costa. Brilliant work.
Anyway, we’ll continue to laugh at the slow news day column, but admit that it’s accurate. Carter should bring the Cup to Sea Isle. The Jersey Shore is basically the Flyers’ backyard. Members of the organization own houses in Ocean City and Avalon, the cities that flank Sea Isle (we don’t count Strathmere as its own entity… because it’s a road… a beautiful one… but a road). Bringing the Cup there would be the ultimate FU move. Which I’d take it a step further by not stopping at the bridge to Avalon, but continuing on and parading the Stanley Cup – on a bike – past Homer’s house. Because that would be cooler by a mile.
[Related: Kings take Cup to bar, with midgets]