Know Your Loon: Andrew Bynum

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Between Andrew Bynum, Kwame Brown, Swaggy P Nick Young and Evan Turner’s bipolarity, the Sixers are going to have some personality this year.

Let’s turn our attention to Bynum.

There’s his sometimes on-court stupidity, like when he took an ill-advised three against the Warriors this spring:

Lakers coach Mike Brown benched Bynum for the play. Bynum laughed it off and then after the game said he would keep shooting: [Yahoo!]

“I don’t know what was bench-worthy about the shot, to be honest with you,” said Bynum, who finished with 11 points and five rebounds in 23 minutes. “I made one last [game] and wanted to make another one. I swear that’s it. I guess [coach Mike Brown] took offense to it and he put me on the bench.”

That’s where Bynum sulked. He didn’t join the huddle during timeouts after being sidelined.

“I guess don’t take 3’s is the message. But I’m going to take some more.”


He attempted one more, against the Clippers on April 4.

I’m actually really excited at the prospect of seeing Doug Collins blow a gasket when Bynum decides to pull up for a 30-footer on the break. If you thought Turner made Collins sweat, wait until Bynum does something stupid and then laughs about it. During his press conferences, Collins will start looking like a CEO who just got caught with a hooker, wearing only a wife beater, boxers and dress socks.

Before the start of the 2009 playoffs, Bynum, who had been out of the lineup since February with a torn MCL in his right knee, was said to have been a few weeks away from returning to the Lakers. But that didn’t stop him from heading to the Playboy Mansion: []

Wearing a green smoking jacket and slippers, Bynum, whose injury status is generating daily headlines in Los Angeles, partied like a rock star near the infamous grotto.

He picked up Playmate Nicole Narain and placed her on his shoulders and got somebody to take a picture with his digital camera.

Upper-body strength, check.

He hopped over a velvet rope near the DJ booth so he could take a picture with Narain and other Playmates who ended up sitting on his lap.

Jumping ability, check.

He sidestepped a few of the roaming cameras and got down with some Playmates on the checkered dance floor set up in the backyard.

Lateral movement, check.

Later, with lines around the bar getting longer, he pulled out a bottled beverage from one pocket and four plastic cups from another and offered up drinks to three Playmates who were with him.  

Ability to adjust to game situations, check.


Bynum averaged 17 minutes, six points and four rebounds per game during those playoffs, all significantly below his season averages. 

This spring, before the Lakers' potential first-round close-out Game 5 against the Nuggets, Bynum wasn’t worried. At all: []

"Close-out games are actually kind of easy," Bynum said. "Teams tend to fold if you come out and play hard in the beginning, so we want to come out and establish an early lead and protect it."


Again, Collins’ reaction to something like this would be absolutely hilarious. I could see his eyes rolling back in his head when he’s informed of Bynum’s quote following a hard-fought victory.

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“Andrew said… what?” Collins huffed in a breathless voice not unlike Phillips’ when Porter told him he played ball like a girl in The Sandlot.

And then there was the time Bynum nearly decapitated J.J. Barea during the 2011 playoffs:

The play elicited a hilariously self-righteous reaction from Mike Tirico, who once tried to grab a coworker’s vagina after a Bristol party. Which, apparently, is the best kind of party.

To me, the most concerning part of that clip wasn’t Bynum’s overzealous elbow, it was him removing his shirt before he left the court. That should be one of a sports psychologist’s go-to tests for determining if a player has a couple screws loose, perhaps just behind a player climbing a roof and refusing to pitch ala Steve Nebraska in The Scout.

Other than soccer players, who often remove their kits as part of a homoerotic post-game ritual, have you ever seen a sane player remove his jersey before leaving the court or field of play? Like, it takes a special kind of weirdo whose first instinct while facing scrutiny is to remove their clothes. I’ve known a couple girls like that, and trust me, they always turn out to be the crazy ones.

I still like this trade a lot. But be prepared for some wackiness from Bynum.

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11 Responses

  1. Bynum & Kwayme Brown hitting up the local strip clubs can not turn out good. I’m expecting at least a rape or gun charge next season

  2. It’s “well” not good 3 Finger, get it together homie
    BTW: Them 2 crazy n love to throw cake at people & have sex with no condoms while having 1 night stands

  3. Anyone think that Lisa Hillary shaves her twat?? Not bad for an older bitch

  4. I’m heading to Avalon later & will be spying on homer

  5. Amy Fadool De-Friended me on FB so as a result I no longer JO to the thought of rear ending her in the rear end.
    Lisa Hillary definitely has a completely shaved twat.

  6. Gosh I love complaining about what people decide to joke about. There is nothing that makes you sound like more of a whiny bitch.

  7. Gosh I love being so white trash and ignorant that I call people whiney bitches instead of discussing the point.

Comments are closed.